The Trick to Changing Someone

Gallery
carl jung quotes | finding peace of mind | mindfulness techniques | emotional resilience | deal with feelings | acceptance and commitment therapy

So-and-so is important to you and is a really nice person, has lots of good traits but is sometimes a pain in the neck and doesn’t do what you wish they would. You may be tempted to change them only to find that even if they did make some changes, those changes don’t last very long.

The trick to changing someone is….. drumroll …………….

Changing yourself.

Lori Palatnik (author and speaker) says that children are born with their main personalities in place.  If that is true then how much more so for adults who have been living for quite a long time – i.e. they are set in their ways.

When we want someone to change we have to do to them what we want them to do for us.  If you want someone to pay attention to you, you need to pay attention to them first.  If you want someone to be kind to you, you have to be kind to them first.  It may sound annoying to even think that this is the case but it works.

Just try it for two weeks and see the results.  Every person in a relationship is a separate entity.  Each person comes from their own perspective and believes that they are the wronged or suffering one.  If you want change it has to come from you.  Then change happens.

Talking doesn’t always work.  Action works better.

With love
Eve

 

____________________________________________

Eve Marks is a Fulfillment Coach and Artist.

Advertisements

No Coffee, No Inspiration

Gallery

Oprah

Yesterday there was no electricity, no coffee and at the same time no inspiration with a bit of irritability thrown in for good measure.

After a couple of failed attempts at writing my blog I had two choices, either I could be irritable or I could make the most of this time by using it to relax.

I decided to take a break, sit on my bed with a few blocks of chocolate, a snuggly blanket and an enjoyable book.

Weirdly enough as soon as I started to relax I had a title for my blog and was then able to start writing (good old pen and paper).

Sometimes all we need is a change of scenery, a few deep breaths and some self love to get the creative juices flowing again.

After writing and sitting quietly in a comfy place (besides my neighbour’s generator which sounds like a truck), with my pets lying near me and my fluffy blanket around my feet I felt at peace and happier.

Look after yourself, you deserve a break.

With love
Eve

The Opposite of Love isn’t Hate

Gallery

ignored

Elie Wiesel wrote, “The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference.”

Apparently there are have been scientific studies which prove that the brain registers as physical pain when a person is being ignored.  I have read a couple of articles on it but I don’t have the scientific sources.  If it is true though, why do we feel so much pain at being ignored and what can we do about it?

Silence can feel like a dignified, high road response but the silence is really saying a lot.  It’s also a way to inflict pain without fighting.  It’s a type of passive aggressive behaviour.

When someone ignores you how do you feel?  Angry?  Hurt?  Irritated?  Sad?

When we are ignored we start to think all sorts of things about ourselves such as:

  • They don’t like me
  • I’m unloveable
  • People always ignore me
  • I am invisible
  • Fill your own in here ………………

These type of thoughts and  beliefs we have create the pain we feel.

What can we do?

Ask yourself questions.  For example: 

  • Is it true that I am invisible? (No it’s not because if you turn to someone and ask them they will verify that you are visible to them).
  • Is it true that they don’t like me?  (Well unless you ask them you will never really know).
  • Do I need to care that they don’t like me?  (Well do you?)
  • Can I be myself no matter what? (It may be hard but chances are you can give yourself the permission to be yourself).
  • If someone ignores me am I unloveable?  (No.)

Affirm yourself with words of love:

  • I am a loveable, visible human being.
  • My worth is not measured by these particular people.
  • There are people who take notice of what I say.

The bottom line is that yes, being ignored is hurtful but it doesn’t mean you are not a beautiful, worthy human being.  You just need to remind yourself of that and try not to let others affect your beliefs about yourself and the world.  Keep in mind that we inflict this kind of pain on others too and it is good to be aware of our own behaviour and to rectify it in some way.

Was this article helpful to you?

If you wish to book a consultation to deal with this type of problem in a more in depth and personal way please feel free to contact me by clicking here.

With love
Eve

Help Offered

Gallery

Displaying

3 weeks ago I was happily walking the dogs when I stepped into a hole and twisted my ankle.  I tore a ligament and have since been on crutches and in a moon boot.  Firstly I want to praise the inventor of the moon boot because it allowed me to be reasonably mobile at home.

Last week I was finally able to go shopping.  First I went to Moishes butchery (while my hubby who had dropped me there went to buy dogfood) and I was standing in the queue when I saw that the teller looked at my foot and was frowning.  When I got to her till she said to me that I shouldn’t have waited in the queue, next time I should just come to the front of the queue.  She then called the security officer to take my packets to the car for me which he duly did.

My hubby then dropped me at Woolies in Norwood and I was quite sure I would manage on my own and would catch an Uber back home.  While looking at the fresh produce a tall, gentle looking staff member named Bafana offered to push my trolley for me while I shopped.  I was so taken aback and felt very grateful for his offer but decided to do it myself as I knew that I would probably take quite long and didn’t want to use up his time.  It was actually quite challenging as I had to push the trolley with my tummy and it’s quite awkward reaching for items and then putting them in the trolley while walking with both crutches.  Bafana came to check on me halfway through my shopping and told me he really wanted to help me and suggested that I ask him next time.  My hubby fetched me as he had already finished all he had to do while I was in Woolies!  I told you I would take long.

Even though I could have relied on those people and it probably would have been wiser to do so, I was tired yet elated when I got home.  I was so amazed by the kindness of these strangers.  They had genuine care in their eyes.  It did not seem to be just a matter of being a good employee, they sincerely wanted to be of help.

I had to take a backseat these three weeks and let other people do things for me which is harder than you would think.  Sitting back and letting others do the work is not my default setting.  I would like to thank my family for making me feel comfortable and allowing me the time I needed to heal.  I have written to the shops to praise their staff members and hope that they get recognised in some way.

The kindness of strangers happens more than we think.  Let’s spread stories of kindness as much as possible.  I think we all need a little bit of sun.

Wishing you well
Eve

Dear Not Clever Enough…

Gallery

what if you flySomeone wrote to me the other day and mentioned that they are struggling to take the next step in their life because they are not confident and feel as though they are not clever enough.

What makes a person clever enough?

There are billions of people in the world.  Some are more clever and some are less clever but if we feel inferior then we will always look at the ones who are more clever than us and compare ourselves to them (which of course makes us believe we are stupid).  What does this do to help us move forward in life?

N.O.T.H.I.N.G.

You are cleverer than you think, more beautiful than you believe, more capable than you can imagine.  If you allow your old messages of not being good enough to dictate your life then you will struggle to move forward.  It’s time to leave those limiting beliefs behind you and fulfill your potential.

If this is something you find hard to do on your own I can help you with this.

I wish you well.

Eve

Thin – Think

Gallery

via Daily Prompt: Thin

Image result for fat or thin

The world is obsessed with being thin.  When I do a search for the word healthy or health tips, most of the posts that come up are based on being thin, losing weight, getting super fit.  I have to sift through countless articles or images on losing weight until I find something I am actually looking for.

What if people stopped worrying about being thin and just thought about being happy and about being kind?

Think about it.

Being thin is fine but so is not being thin.  People who aren’t thin are not insufficient in who they are, they are not inferior, they are not unattractive.  If one takes a closer look at the person, perhaps makes eye contact, one sees a beautiful being.  People are judged by a shallow concept.

Body type preferences change over time.  What was popular in the 80’s is not popular today and what is desired is often unrealistic.  Everyone knows that 90% of pictures in magazines are photoshopped to give a perfect look.  People are self conscious for being born with a body that’s not in fashion.  If you think about it, it doesn’t make sense.

How about learning to love the body you’re in whether you’re fat or thin?

With love

Eve

You are not a jar of Nutella

Gallery

NutellaYOU CAN’T MAKE EVERYBODY HAPPY, THAT’S LIFE.

Everyone has different opinions, different upbringings, different philosophies, religions, tastes, ideas. It is not humanly possibly to appease everybody.

Just do your best in all that you undertake. Some people will be happy with you and others won’t.

Spending your life trying to make others happy is exhausting and unfulfilling. I am not suggesting that you don’t take others’ feelings into consideration, I am suggesting that you don’t beat yourself up if things end up awry.

Making decisions based on pleasing others, does not serve you. It eventually leads to resentment towards others and lack of trust in your own abilities. It could even affect your sense of identity.

We were all created as unique human beings.

Be yourself and shine in your own way.

With love

Eve