The Worthyness Radar


Who is going to love you if you don’t?

When we don’t love ourselves it shows. I have worked in this field for quite a few years now and have aquired a “worthyness radar”. I can usually see straight away if a person does not value themselves enough or feels uncomfortable with themselves. But it’s not only me…. We let off “vibes” or energy and others can see it too even though they may not consciously register it. They may however “act” on it by being mean or taking advantage or ignoring you.

Valuing yourself is a process

If when growing up you had some incidents that repeatedly gave you the impression that you weren’t valuable (and it may have been VERY subtle – or not) you made a decision about yourself that you weren’t valuable or loveable. You started to live your life as such (without realising it of course) and now, look around you…. How are you living your life now? Do you see the effects? You’re still in that space (at least some of the time).

Do you hold yourself back in different areas of life? Do you let people “walk all over you”? Do you give, give give until you are depleted? Do you let people disrespect you? Do you think you are useless or incapable or stupid? Do you withdraw and keep your distance? Do you mostly blame yourself when things go wrong? Are you trying to kick a habit and then give up when you go off track? If you answered yes to some of these then you most likely struggle with valuing yourself.

So what if you dedicated this year to loving yourself more?

By loving yourself you can give more of your authentic self to others, you can be who you are and love others for who they are. You can be creative and not blocked. You can binge on chocolates or ice cream and then get back on track straight away instead of giving up. You can sit at a public function and not wish you could fold in on yourself and disappear and wow, maybe even enjoy yourself! You can accept yourself as you are “warts and all” and actually like what and who you are. You can look in the mirror and love and feel compassion for the person who looks back at you.  You can stop beating yourself up about being a “bad” mom/dad/child/employee/employer/sibling…… You can enjoy life more.

Do you think I am exaggerating about how important it is to love yourself? If I hadn’t experienced it myself I wouldn’t be writing about it here or teaching next week’s course or trying to convince you to make this year an important one for you.

What one thing can you do today to start transforming your life?

Do it.



Start before it begins


hot air balloon purpleA wonderful friend of mine told me the other day that she went with her husband to marriage counselling.  Sitting there, holding hands and giggling the therapist looked perplexed and asked them why they were there?  They looked happy enough!  They told the therapist that they had a good marriage and they had come to work on one particular aspect of their relationship so that they could have an even better marriage.  Their therapist, with wide eyes exclaimed “I wish all couples came here at this stage of their marriage!”

I love this story and I think it’s a good lesson for all of us.

We often think that we only need to go for coaching, therapy or to self-improvement courses if there is something “wrong” with us or if things are “falling apart”.  Realise this….. many people attend courses to better themselves at any stage of their lives, even after they have grown tremendously.  After all, there’s never a time when we reach perfection in this earthly realm.

If you attend one of my courses – for example “Free to be Me – the Power of Self Esteem”, are you worried that there will be a stigma attached, that people will look at you and think there’s something wrong with you?   I ask you the same question for coaching or healing?  Are you worried people will look at you sideways?

People who invest in their growth have happier lives because they learn a different way of being.  Look, I’m not saying if you attend a course or go for some coaching sessions that you will suddenly win a million rand or find the partner of your dreams or have a baby if you were struggling…. no. What coaching and the courses I run do, is help you to live your life in a way that you can cope better with all the adversity that comes your way.  Nobody’s life is perfect or pain-free.  We all struggle or suffer in some way.  It’s part of our worldly existence.  The trick is to handle it well so that the pain is much less and the struggles don’t seem so hard.  This way we get to self manage without falling to pieces and we can get up quickly after falling.

I dare you do something that you feel is right for you!