We would like someone to be a certain way, I mean why can’t they just behave the way we want them to…. Right? I mean, is that too much to ask?
Well, it’s not the way things work. Hoping or expecting someone to act the way we want them to (which is similar to how we act or behave) usually ends in conflict or disappointment or both.
It would be interesting though to question yourself because others, especially those who are close to us, mirror our own behaviour….If you expect someone to treat you with respect….. just check, are you treating them or yourself with respect?
Because I said so
“They” say – Children learn from what we do not from what we say. This is true for adults too.
Instead of hoping for some kind of behaviour change from another person, start to model that behaviour yourself. For example if you would like a certain person to show appreciation for you, start to appreciate them and after a while they will automatically start to reciprocate. In addition if there is something you want someone to know, talk to them about it. **We tend to think that they should just know what we want but unless they can speak telepathically, they won’t be able to read your mind.
If you model or set an example for the behaviour that you want to see in others it is more likely for that thing to happen.
Modelling has power
When I first started covering my hair (for religious reasons) I left most of my hair uncovered so that I could ease into it and see how I felt before making a full commitment. While walking around at the school that my children attended I noticed that the women I most admired were the ones who fully covered their hair. I admired them because they acted on what they believed in and were committed to it. I decided that if those were the women (covering their hair) I admired most then I would cover my hair properly, and I did.
In the last few years I have watched the dedication to which my mother approaches daily prayer. My daily prayer has improved because I would like to be even a fraction as dedicated as she is.
Telling people how to behave or what to do usually just comes across as nagging and can actually push them in the opposite direction. Modelling what you would like to see gives a subconscious awareness to those around you.
When you are about to berate someone for certain behaviour, check first in the mirror if you are modelling that behaviour or if you are in need of improving it yourself. People mirror us. It’s not always pretty.
Self growth is all about looking at ourselves and taking steps to change the things we don’t like. So if you don’t like something in others, take a look at yourself and start there.
One step at a time…
I belong to a blogging group called The Blog Tag and their tag for today is Relationships, see their facebook page to read what has been written or join them https://www.facebook.com/groups/theblogtag/