Modelling in my 40’s

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MirrorWe would like someone to be a certain way, I mean why can’t they just behave the way we want them to…. Right?  I mean, is that too much to ask?

Well, it’s not the way things work.  Hoping or expecting someone to act the way we want them to (which is similar to how we act or behave) usually ends in conflict or disappointment or both.

It would be interesting though to question yourself because others, especially those who are close to us, mirror our own behaviour….If you expect someone to treat you with respect….. just check, are you treating them or yourself with respect?mirror 4

Because I said so

“They” say – Children learn from what we do not from what we say.  This is true for adults too.

Instead of hoping for some kind of behaviour change from another person, start to model that behaviour yourself.  For example if you would like a certain person to show appreciation for you, start to appreciate them and after a while they will automatically start to reciprocate.  In addition if there is something you want someone to know, talk to them about it.  **We tend to think that they should just know what we want but unless they can speak telepathically, they won’t be able to read your mind.

If you model or set an example for the behaviour that you want to see in others it is more likely for that thing to happen.

Modelling has power

When I first started covering my hair (for religious reasons) I left most of my hair uncovered so that I could ease into it and see how I felt before making a full commitment.  While walking around at the school that my children attended I noticed that the women I most admired were the ones who fully covered their hair.  I admired them because they acted on what they believed in and were committed to it.  I decided that if those were the women (covering their hair) I admired most then I would cover my hair properly, and I did.

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I match my kitchen 🙂

In the last few years I have watched the dedication to which my mother approaches daily prayer.  My daily prayer has improved because I would like to be even a fraction as dedicated as she is.

Telling people how to behave or what to do usually just comes across as nagging and can actually push them in the opposite direction.  Modelling what you would like to see gives a subconscious awareness to those around you.

Check first

When you are about to berate someone for certain behaviour, check first in the mirror if you are modelling that behaviour or if you are in need of improving it yourself.  People mirror us.  It’s not always pretty.

Self growth is all about looking at ourselves and taking steps to change the things we don’t like.  So if you don’t like something in others, take a look at yourself and start there.

One step at a time…

With love

Eve

**p.s. If you think you aren’t being heard, I have some tools up my sleeve which I can coach you on – click here

 


I belong to a blogging group called The Blog Tag and their tag for today is Relationships, see their facebook page to read what has been written or join them  https://www.facebook.com/groups/theblogtag/

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The Stumbling Dance

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dance 3When you fall, make it part of the dance

I’m guessing that’s what dancers learn when they have to perform.  I’m not a dancer (except for what I do in my kitchen) but I think it’s a helpful tip even for life.

Sometimes things go wrong and there’s nothing we can do about that.  Life is far from perfect (if perfect is even a thing).

My 11 year old will come home from school and tell me he has had the worst day.  I ask him what was wrong about it and he says “everything! It was just an awful day.”  When we analyse the day it turns out there was one incident that turned the whole day bad.  I’ve seen this with adults as well.  We tend to dwell on what was “bad” and our whole day feels bad.

If things aren’t going well with a particular project or a relationship, we can choose to give up or be depressed or we can make it part of the dance of life.

How do we do we make it part of the dance?dance

Re-look at things and try and reframe them.  It always helps to have a listening ear, someone who can be objective and honest yet empathetic at the same time.

Find solutions

You may have to start again or go with a different angle.  You may have to apologise or find creative ways to mend your relationships.  You may have to fix something that’s broken.  You may have to build yourself up again.

There is usually a solution to every problem.  I’m not suggesting it will be easy but the situation is rarely hopeless.  It becomes hopeless when we believe it is hopeless.

What we believe becomes our reality.

Stumbling, we all do.  The trick is to make it part of the dance so that it doesn’t stop you.

Wishing you strength.

Eve

p.s. My course “The Power of Self Value” will start on Tuesday evening 24 May. Booking ends this  Friday at 15:00

 Photo and Drawing borrowed from the web.

Back from the future

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My aim here is to inspire others to look at their lives and see things in a different way.  Many people struggle to see the positives in a difficult situation.  This article is directed at people of any age. I’m  hoping that you can glean something from it for yourself.


If I could give my younger self advice, this is what I would write……


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A Journey

Dear Teenage Me

I’m writing to you from 31 years in the future.

I want you to know that what you are going through right now will make you stronger and will teach you sensitivity, empathy and compassion.  Sometimes you won’t understand why things are the way they are but you will gain faith in G-d and that will you help you through rough times and give you appreciation for all you have in your life.

One day you will come to a place of self-acceptance and acknowledge what you do in the world.  You will learn confidence because once you accept yourself as you are, other people won’t be able to affect you as much.  You will learn to say YES to new opportunities and trust your abilities and the gifts and talents that you have been given.

where I work

My writing space

Now and then you will falter but that is okay and you will learn to love that about yourself too…. that you are resilient and can get up and dust yourself off, quickly, without dwelling on hurts for too long.

You will realise that relationships are sometimes fickle and that someone you love, you can un-love and then re-love all in the same day.

Most important, you will realise that you are human.

Humans are fallible and make mistakes all the time.  Your job will be to still love yourself and others through those moments.

You will learn to understand your parents and why they do what they do.

I want you to know that you are beautiful NOW.  Really.

Open your eyes to the magnificence of the world.  Enjoy the people in your life because time flies.

Take risks*** and have fun.  Don’t hold back when it comes to being creative and expressing yourself.  It doesn’t matter what other people think but of course don’t hurt anybody intentionally.  If you don’t go for something it will never materialise.  Do what you love because when you spend time doing what you love you don’t mind the time it takes to do it and success will be easier to achieve.

Nurture yourself. You are important, you count.

Stop comparing yourself to others.  There are always people better off or worse off than you.  But you are never better or worse than anyone else.  They are all people, just like you.

You will grow as a person, you will change somewhat.  Your life path will veer in directions you never expected.  Listen to your intuition, it knows.  Don’t do what feels wrong.  Try your best to stick to your motto:  Don’t do unto others what you would not want done unto yourself.

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One of my Mind Lites

You are valuable, capable, loveable, tenacious, creative, worthy.  You are enough.  I love you.

From your older and wiser self.


***When I say take risks I don’t mean smoking, taking drugs, sex or doing anything that puts your life, health or value system at risk.  I mean talk to someone that you are scared of talking to, apply for the job that you think you aren’t good enough to get, go on holiday even though it might be daunting to leave your home town, swim even if you think you look awful, do sports even if you are terrible at it, dance even if you look like a flying monkey, sing even if you don’t know the lyrics, draw and paint even if you can’t draw a straight line.  Stand up and say what needs to be said even if others don’t agree.  That’s what I mean.


What one piece of advice would you like to share with others?  Share it in the comments below.

p.s. My course “The Power of Self Value” will start on Tuesday evening 24 May. If you are interested please click here.

 Photos by Author

 

 

What Art Is To Me

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cards setI used to think that art was painting, drawing and sculpture but since my daughter started studying art a few years ago I began to see things differently.  Gone are the days where art is a pretty picture.  Now it’s conceptual, has lots of meaning and touches people to the core.  Art can be broken glass on the floor, it can be a hole in the wall where people can look out at others who are unaware they are being seen, it can be a video or a silent movie, it can be handprints or how you decorate your home, it can be a photo taken with awareness, it’s in how you dress.  Photography is one of my favourite mediums and every time I look around I see photos waiting to be taken.  I painted my kitchen cupboards various shades of blue.  Art can be anything you make it.eve (2)

 

I draw and paint inspirational cards.  I love inspiring people to live their better life and I like to help people in moments when they feel a bit hopeless or when they are not sure of the next step to take going forward in their lives.  So I drew these cards with inspiration from the world and they each have a saying on them that will hopefully help to click some positive thought into motion.

I didn’t have much art training when I was growing up so I used to be skeptical about putting my art out there.  When people asked me if I’m an artist, I used to say “well….. I’m trying to be”.  What my daughter taught me about art is to “just do it”.  She taught me to stop worrying about what others think because frankly art is an opinion.  If I crave making art but never do it, nothing is ever going to be made.  I followed her encouragement and now I have two packs of cards, one of which is ready and waiting to be sold.  My children and I have started a business around these inspirational products.  We call them Good Moodles.  We are working on the website so watch this space.  In the meantime you can check some of them out here.  We have also translated the drawings onto mugs which make great gifts.  You can never have too many mugs (well that’s my theory anyway).  #feelingalittlebitproud

Art is a big part of my life.  I love it!  And finally, I say it….. I’m an artist.

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Thanks to The Blog Tag for this week’s Topic – ART

https://www.facebook.com/groups/theblogtag/

 

 

The Twins who Washed my Car

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rainy day driving (2)About two weeks ago I was having my car washed.  It had been raining that morning and so the normal car washers had gone home leaving two petrol attendants to wash all the cars in the queue.  My son and I sat there waiting for our car to be washed for what seemed like two hours (but could have been one) because I had already paid and I really needed my car to be clean that day.

 

I didn’t have cash on me for a tip so I bought a small packet of biscuits for the guy at the quick shop.  Towards the end another man started helping him and I realised I didn’t have a gift for him.  When they were finished I explained that I had only bought one packet of biscuits  and the man said “it’s okay, we will share”.

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Car Wash Fun Selfie

When I was thanking them the one man told me that they were twin brothers.  He said, “our blood is the same”.  He added “If he feels sad, I know he’s sad because I can feel it.  Even if my brother is in Cape Town and he’s sad, I can feel his sadness”.

Wow! I loved that he shared that with me.

An Invisible connection

What these brothers have is a true and beautiful connection.  Not only twins get this although I imagine it must be very strong within them.

There are times when I’m thinking about someone and next thing I unexpectedly see them in the shop or they watzapp me or give me a call.  If I think of someone more than twice I make contact with them.  I think we all have invisible lines that connect each other, especially the people we are closer to.  Instead of ignoring the feelings, I like to act on them.

Firstly it maintains the connection between the two of us and secondly maybe they just need someone right now to light up their day.

If you are too busy though you may not pick up on these subtle communications, so try and find some time in your day to slow down or better yet – stop.

Intention for Connection

It takes effort to keep up connections, especially when we may have hundreds of watzapp or facebook people on our lists.  Sometimes I scroll down my contact list and say hi to some people I haven’t spoken to in a long time.   It’s worth the effort, even if it’s just to brighten someone’s day.

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The sun will come out

Who are you thinking about right now?

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Photos by Author