Choking to conform


harry potter drawing.jpgMy husband didn’t want to wear a tie to work because he’s had a cough for a few weeks and fastening a tie around his throat was making him gag.  He had to be in court yesterday so a tie it had to be.  He tried everything in his power to avoid it.  Even wearing his scarf like a tie so that his neck would be warm without feeling choked.  In the end he took a tie with him in his briefcase in case the Magistrate insisted on it.

Being a lawyer, he has to conform to the dress code when appearing in court.  A tie and a long Harry Potter style cloak is what he has to wear or the court won’t “recognise” him as being present in Court.

So in rebellion, the tie he packed into his bag was his Garfield tie 🙂

tie 1

In real life though (not in court) there are times when we don’t want to conform but do anyway because we are too scared of the consequences which could be – being ostracised, ridiculed or rejected.

We see it with children, wanting a phone because everyone else has one, or wanting to wear brand names for fear of not fitting in.  But the truth is we don’t necessarily grow out of it – depending on how we feel about ourselves as human beings.

You are freer than you think you are.

My husband has to fit in (by wearing a tie and cloak) when he’s in court or he won’t be recognised as actually being present, it’s that simple.  But we (who don’t have to do such things) often put ourselves into situations where we limit ourselves based on what we think others think about us.  We don’t realise that we are freer than we think we are.  (Wow that’s a lot of thinking!) Learning to accept ourselves as we are and with what we’ve got (even if it comes from a supermarket and not from an exclusive boutique) is something to aim for.  It’s not only about what we are wearing, it’s about our educational qualifications, our home, our furniture, our car, our looks, our outward achievements.

Get out of jail free

get out of jail free.jpg

You are the only one who can free yourself from your own self-unacceptance.  Perhaps you need some help or guidance but only you can make the decision to move forward.

When you do, you will be much more at ease when you are around others.  You will feel more comfortable in social situations.  You will be able to stand up for yourself more often.  You will find it easier to set **boundaries.

Stop choking on the tie….

With love


**Brene Brown’s talk on You Tube about Boundaries, Empathy and Compassion (5:53 min), a worthwhile watch.

Gratitude of the day – I want to thank Makeitultrapsychology blog who helped increase my followers by allowing me to promote my blog. Thanks! (click here if you want to see their helpful blog).



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