My Perfect Partner

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perfect-partner-statueAt some stage of your life you have probably looked at other peoples’ relationships and thought “Wow, they look so happy all the time / respectful of each other / in love / thoughtful / romantic”.

That’s the part of their relationship that they show to the world.  The rest is hidden.

Most peoples’ ideal partner is based on unrealistic expectations which come from stories, movies, songs and books.

So, is there a perfect partner?

Yes.  In front of you.

Look at the person you are with because that is most likely your perfect partner, the one that’s right for you to help you grow and become a better human**.

The way to realise the perfection of your partner is to firstly love and accept yourself as you are and then do the same for your partner.  Love and accept them as they are.  If you make this choice to work on your relationship you will notice how gratifying it is when things work out well.

Relationships never happen in a straight line.
Sometimes they are easy and sometimes they are hard.  Every relationship requires effort and self growth.

Think about what you want in this relationship and then make it happen.  If you want flowers but your partner is not that way inclined there is no point in getting upset about it because that won’t change things at all.  Ask for the flowers so that you get them.  If you want more talk time together, initiate it. Let your partner know how important they are to you and how when you spend time with them you feel loved.  If you want to be more appreciated, show appreciation for him/her.  Take a look at yourself and be honest.  How often do you really show appreciation for your partner?

The perfect partner is most likely the one you’ve got.  The perfect person however, does not exist.

I wish you a week of growth and love, accepting your partner for who he or she is, noticing the beauty in their eyes and realising how lucky you really are.

With love
Eve

**I’m not referring to abusive relationships

If you are not currently in a romantic relationship this can also apply to any type of relationship in your life.

The Blind Spot

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judging-before-you-assume-ask-squareDo you ever wish that you would have just kept quiet and asked questions rather than jump to conclusions?  Whenever I jump to conclusions it doesn’t end well.

I think the reason for this is that we judge a situation by our perception or experience of it from our point of view and how can we know what is really going on unless we are in the other person’s mind?

So many disputes take place because of this blind spot which is basically misunderstanding.  We can think we know why the other person does what they do but it’s not based on reality, it’s based on guessing.

gavel-3I have regretted talking too soon so many times in the past that it has almost become a silent rule to ask first.  I hate making the mistake of judging someone wrongly and then having to apologise afterwards.  Do you ever feel this way?

I can feel the feelings of anger welling up and my tongue about to spit out it’s defamation when suddenly I stop myself because I notice the signs.  The signs are my feelings of anger.  I just know I’m going to make a mistake if I don’t ask first.

Once it’s out.  It’s too late.

So that ‘s what I do (most of the time).  I ask first.  I’ve learned my lesson.  I hope.

With love
Eve

Feeding the Baboons

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fears-feed-the-fearsWhen holidaying near wild life you will see many signs saying “please do not feed the monkeys / baboons” and you still see people doing it.  There are notices saying that if the baboons get used to human food they become dangerous as they will do anything to get that food when they want it, yet people still feed them.  The notice says that when the baboons get dangerous they will be shot and yet people still feed them.  It’s very upsetting.

Feeding your fears is something like feeding the monkeys.  The more you feed your fears the more fearful you get and the less you are able to cope in various situations.  Your fears start to take over and before you know it you are living according to your fears.  Rational thought goes out the window and anxiety is the order of the day.

The acronym for F.E.A.R is False Evidence Appearing Real.

baboonWhat this means is that what you think is going to happen seems as though it is really going to happen and therefore you believe it to be real.  The mind doesn’t know whether it is real or not so it starts to send off hormones to alert the body of danger.  However, if you think about it carefully you will notice that most of our fears are unfounded.  Most worries never happen.

If we focus all our energy on what we fear, it could eventually come true because what we focus on expands and if we are living our fear then it can start to become real for us.

If you think you are broke (even if you have enough money to survive), you will always feel broke.  I met a woman once who was complaining about her lack of money and material wealth.  When I was invited to her house for a party I couldn’t believe the size of the house!  Seriously, it was one of the biggest houses that I had seen in the area.  However, in her mind she didn’t have enough and she feared that she would never have enough and so even though she was living a life of abundance she didn’t see it for herself and always felt “poor”.

People have fears about all sorts of things and it is actually like living in a prison.  They can’t move forward or even sideways.  They just stay in one place, afraid of what the future will bring (and the future could be tomorrow or in an hour’s time).

At one stage I was really petrified of the security situation in our country.  I had been the victim of crime previously and I couldn’t sleep at night.  I spent each night fearing the worst.  A good friend of mine suggested that I look at the facts.  The facts were we had various security measures in place so I wrote down a list of all these security measures and after that I felt a lot better.  I use that tool now and again when I need it.

Fear can appear real but it’s nearly always about the future and we can’t know what the future will bring.

So instead of feeding your fears, look at the facts and focus on that instead.

With love

Eve

Waiting for Friday

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waiting-for-fridayI remember when I was in my 20’s and I was thinking about having a baby……  My husband and I were worried that we wouldn’t be able to afford all the new expenses and thought we should rather wait until we could afford it.    One of the ladies at my work at the time said to me “You will never be ready…. If you wait until you are ready you will never have children”.  I took her advice to heart and am so glad and blessed that I did.

I have a friend who hardly ever went swimming because she wanted to wait until she was thin.  I thought she looked quite lovely but she didn’t accept herself.  When her kids were young she used to sit on the side of the pool and wouldn’t join them because she was too self conscious.  She missed out on all those cool and fun moments!

On a Monday people complain about it being Monday and can’t wait until Friday.  What about finding a way to make the whole week meaningful or enjoyable?

I’ll start my exercise programme on Monday.  Umm… what about today?  🙂

Waiting for things to be better first is counterproductive.   What happens if things never turn out the way we hope they will?

There are so many challenges that people have in life – be it illness, finances, relationships, etc.so why not take those challenges and find a way to accept them and make them work for us?

happy-lamaI think acceptance is the main building block that we need in order to move forward.  Without acceptance, we can’t move on.

Challenge your inner beliefs.  If you think things have to be a certain way first, ask yourself if that belief will serve you.  Beliefs that we have about ourselves and the world around us are not always true.  For example “I have to be very helpful all the time otherwise people won’t like me”.
How will you know if you haven’t experimented with saying no sometimes?
Perhaps some of your friends will leave you but those are the ones who were using you in the first place.

Try this:

Let go of your expectations of how life is supposed to be.  Accept what is.

  1. Make a choice to thrive despite the challenges.
  2. Look for ways to thrive.  Write down lots of ideas.
  3. Pick one and start doing it.

Sometimes it helps to have a coach who can help you sort through these questions in your life, it’s good to have an objective point of view.

May you have a week in which you are not waiting for Friday.

With love

Eve