But on all the other days…

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perception - charlie brown and snoopy

People spend a lot of time worrying about things that they can’t control.  They also perceive things in a way that often makes their lives harder (as in the above cartoon).  Both Charlie Brown and Snoopy are telling the truth but which one of them lives a happier life?

I’m not saying that stress doesn’t exist (far from it) or that if we deny our difficulties our lives will be better….. no, what I’m suggesting is that we acknowledge our problems, feel the feelings, if necessary cry, journal, punch a pillow (or whatever safely works best) and then either find some sort of solution or look for the positive or blessings in the situation and focus on those.

There are always positives in a situation even though it may not seem like it at the time.  If you can’t find any, ask a friend, family member or coach that you trust to point them out to you.

What you think about is where you are.  Choose where you want to be and be there.  It requires you to change your thinking though which may take time.  Be gentle on yourself.

You’ve got this

Eve

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p.s. I also send this blog out weekly by email which includes a quick health tip and some good news (as opposed to bad news).  If you would like to subscribe please email info@evemarks.co.za

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The Peach and the Pear

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peachYesterday I was sitting eating a bowl of fruit for breakfast.

The first bite of the pear was lovely.  I tasted that real pear flavour and felt the grainy pear texture.  After that bite I was staring into space thinking about everything that I could think of, things that I had to be doing, things that I had to say to people and it was filling my mind.

Before I knew it, the pear was finished and I hadn’t even noticed eating it which was quite disappointing because it was really a beautiful pear!

I sliced into my cling peach next. I noticed the colour – at least two different shades of orange.  At that moment I decided to eat the peach consciously.

Sonotice-dr-seuss I stopped thinking about everything that has to be done and I ate my peach with concentration.  It was sweet and juicy, delicious, the colours so bright.  I was suddenly struck by the miracle of it.  This peach is amazing!  It has been plucked off a tree!

I marveled at how the world and everything in it has been created with such beauty and functionality.  Wow.

All that for a peach that I took the time to notice.  I encourage you to try this sometimes and don’t stop at fruit, take notice of people too.

I wish you a beautiful day.

Eve

Making Memories

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playing-hide-and-seek-fingers-on-lipsI read a post this morning by a woman whose son had been very ill for a long time and who had to receive an organ transplant.  This woman wrote about her experiences as the mother of her child and how stressful, scary and sickening (she writes that she became sick from worry – yes it’s a real thing) the whole experience was and how grateful she is now that her son who finally received the organ that he so desperately needed is able to start living his life again.

I thought about them while I was driving around fetching kids and how now that it is glorious December we have so many opportunities to make happy memories.  With the world being so small and everyone living in everyone’s pockets (with cellphone messages pinging every few minutes or seconds even) we know a lot more that goes on in peoples’ lives than we ever did before and it can be very disturbing to see how many people are suffering.  However, we can take stock and make a decision to live our lives the best way we can.  There is no guarantee for the future for anybody, we don’t know what the future holds so instead of worrying about it – which is easy to do – let’s make memories.  Let’s live every day to the fullest.  Focus on our loves.

Holiday time (whether you are going away on a vacation or staying home) is a time to regroup, reconnect and reinvest yourself in your life.  Don’t let it pass you by.  Don’t waste it.

playing-the-fortcandlelight-dinnerPut on the candles, switch off the electricity, switch off the wifi.  Connect, play games, talk.

Remember the times when you played General Knowledge?  Hangman?  I spy?  Hide and Seek?  Do it again now even if it’s just you and one other person.  “They” say the best things in life are free…. Well they are.  These things are free, you don’t need any money to sit together and be with each other.

Make those memories this holiday and rest.  Relax and have fun.  Soak up the sun (or the snow if you are up North – because that is also beautiful albeit cold).  Just BE together.

If you don’t have anyone to be with, find a place to volunteer.  There are many many people in old aged homes who are lonely and don’t have anyone to talk to this holiday.  Sit and have a cup of coffee with someone there and let them tell you about their life.  You will be enriched.  You can share your wisdom and let them share theirs.  There’s just no telling what can happen, you could even make a new friend.

I am signing my blog off until January when the schools go back so that I can also go and rest my bones and make some memories.

I wish you a wonderful end of year and a brilliant 2017.

You are special to me, beautiful reader.
Warmest regards

Eve

The nonsense about going to bed angry

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anger-i-still-careI’ve always heard the advice given to new married couples:  Don’t go to bed angry.

Is this sound advice or just a cliche?

I read this statement from a blog by Gretchen Rubin (10 ways to be happier) the other day…  Do let the sun go down on anger. I had always scrupulously aired every irritation as soon as possible, to make sure I vented all bad feelings before bedtime. Studies show, however, that the notion of anger catharsis is poppycock. Expressing anger related to minor, fleeting annoyances just amplifies bad feelings, while not expressing anger often allows it to dissipate.

It reminded me of something I heard a few months ago by Rabbi Doniel Katz which was one of those “aha” moments:  He said something like this:  People say don’t go to bed angry but that is the worst advice ever given.  Who wants to start discussing heavy issues when you are exhausted just before falling asleep?  It can actually make matters worse!

I had to laugh because I used to do just that and my poor husband had to force his eyes angeropen and look mildly interested in what I had to say just before midnight when I suddenly wanted to talk.

Something that works for me is to forgive people (in my mind) before I go to sleep.  If you want to know how I do this, please email me.

If still upset then choose the “right time” to speak to the person when you are not angry or hurt but just want to find a solution and move forward.  “Sleeping on it” sometimes gives new perspective in the morning.

There’s most likely a reason why the other person is acting a certain way so some introspection wouldn’t hurt either.

May you have growth and laughter in your relationships and don’t forget to laugh at yourself too.

Eve

Closing the Gap

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What is the word that actually describes your life?  What is the word you wish described your life?  How are you going to get closer to the life you wish for?

In order to write this for you I had to make it personal so that you would glean from my example.  So  here goes….

The word that describes my life right now is swamped.  How would I like it to be?  Flowing.

Funny that both those words have reference to water.  Swamped feels exactly as it sounds, bogged down, difficult to get out of, overwhelming, too much to do.  Flowing is peaceful, things going according to plan, doing what feels right, not taking on too much, dancing movements, glittering beauty (okay, I’m getting carried away because I really want to be on holiday right now).

Firstly it’s important to note that the words that I have used to describe my current state are all beliefs.   Are they true?  Well not really.   They are just thoughts, a state of mind.  If I believe my life is overwhelming then it really seems overwhelming and then that’s what it is.  Overwhelming.  Too much to do?  How do I know how much is too much to do?  This may be hard to comprehend right now but believe me, it is very freeing when you are able to differentiate between the truth and what you think is the truth.  I had a look at some pictures of swamps and believe me that is not what my life looks like (thank G-d) – but I have been thinking it is!

How am I going to close the gap?

I will look in my diary when something comes up and  I will ask myself if it is necessary, if it is doable, if it is something I really want or if I am doing it for other reasons such as people pleasing or fame and fortune.

I will make extra time for traveling in my diary.  Sometimes I forget to do this and then find myself rushing from place to place because I haven’t added the traveling time into my day.  It is so much more peaceful when I can drive to place and sing at the same time instead of sweating from the stress of trying not to be too late.

I will forgive myself for being human.  If I set a certain amount of goals and can only reach a few of them, I will remind myself that I am human and can only do so much.  If I overburden myself with negative criticism it’s no wonder I believe I’m overwhelmed because not only am I rushing and not managing to fulfill my expectations of myself but I am also adding harsh words to the mix.

I will make time for the things that are a priority in my life.  Sometimes we forget what we are aiming for.  We lose sight of our purpose.  If I refocus I will be able to say no to invitations that come up and only choose the ones that talk to my higher purposes.

I will make time for myself to relax.  How can I even do any of the above if I don’t make time to relax and nurture myself?  That means making proper food and not eating on the run, spending time lying or walking on the grass, having naps, going out on a date with myself (now and then), treating myself like I would treat anybody else, with courtesy and kindness.

Wishing you a beautiful week of seeing what’s really happening in your life and making steps to close the gap.

I would love to hear the words you chose and some of your ideas on how you are going to close your gap.

With love
Eve

 

 

Please Like my Facebook page @evemarkshealing

 

The wound is the place where the light enters you – Rumi

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dark - stars with treesThere can be no light without darkness, no morning without night, no up without down, no full without empty, we can’t see the stars unless it’s dark …..

During adversity and our toughest moments we get to make a choice.  What am I going to do with this?  How am I going to make it work?  How am I going to make things better?  Am I going to let the darkness fully descend on me and let myself fall apart?

Rumi says the wound is the place where the light enters you but I think we need to allow the light in.  We can close the shutters and stay in the dark or we can open them and be momentarily blinded by the light until we adjust to the circumstances.

If we allow the light (the solutions, other people, G-d, hope, laughter) into our lives, we can begin to heal.

In my own life when I am going through a challenge if I let the light in, people I am with seem more important than ever and together we look for solutions and become closer in the process.

Thriving instead of just surviving can be accomplished even in tough situations.  I’ve seen it with people I know, seemingly insurmountable problems are overcome and even though it’s not easy for them, they learn to accept what is and learn to include it in their lives and find a way to manage.  I’m inspired by those people.

None of us are immune to life’s complications.  If you find it hard to figure it out yourself look for a counsellor, a coach or a trusted friend to help you step into hope.  Sometimes all we need is a hand or kind wise words to pull us into the direction of being able to save ourselves.

If we are open to it, seemingly “coincidental” things occur – people that we need suddenly arrive into our lives, a song is played on the radio with the words we need to hear, we come across a quote on Pinterest that exactly hits the spot.  These things are not coincidences, they are moments of Light to help us along the way.

It can get worse before it gets better, however being honest with ourselves and facing the wounds will help to manifest the light in and around us, expanding us and bringing us to a whole new conscious way of being.

May you be blessed with finding easy ways out of your challenges.

Eve


To find out what type of coaching I do please visit my Facebook page @evemarkshealing by clicking here.

Be brave mighty angel

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I was in hospital recovering from surgery about 11 years ago and I was having a particularly bad day (pain-wise).  My husband was with me but he had to leave to go home and be with the children.  I really didn’t want him to go because I thought I wouldn’t be able to cope with the pain on my own.  He looked me in the eyes and said “be brave mighty angel” and then left.

Those few encouraging words lifted me from despair to hope, from agony to being able to cope.  Suddenly I was not a helpless being lying in the hospital bed, I was a mighty angel.  A mighty angel would be able to be brave and get through this ordeal.

Often we don’t realise how what we say has such an impact on others.  Negatively or positively.

Here are some guidelines for encouraging words:

Be sincere
It’s not encouraging when someone says words that neither of you believe.

Say what you want to say with a loving heart
Sometimes we need to say things that may be difficult for the other person to receive.  If you say it with a loving heart it will come across in a gentle way.

Don’t add criticism to the mix
You are beautiful but……

Offer support
Do what you can within your power (while still keeping boundaries) to be supportive.  Perhaps the person just needs an ear to listen to now and then or a hug or maybe a gift showing you care delivered to their door.

Don’t find everything wrong with the situation
Dwelling on the negative will not be helpful or encouraging.  If you think the person has a terrible idea, try and find the positives in it and guide them in a direction that would work.

Have the other person’s interests in mind, not your own
We often think we know what’s best for the other person but maybe they are not in the same space as we are.  What another person needs right now is not necessarily what we think is good for them.  It’s their journey, let them travel it.

Sometimes silence is best
Silence and a listening ear could be the perfect way of encouraging or supporting someone who is going through a very challenging time.  Especially if they have lost someone.

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Knowing that you have someone in your corner helps people find their inner strength and courage and it can be a huge relief.

If you are always the person who encourages others, don’t forget to ask someone you trust for some encouragement when you need it.

EN – COURAGE

With love
Eve