Drawing the Line

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boundaries - self careWhat I’ve realised about boundaries in the last few years is that people who get upset about others’ boundaries would never think twice about keeping their own.

Setting boundaries is a matter of self respect.  It’s about saying YES to you.

If you struggle with boundary setting you will most likely find yourself saying yes even when you want to say no.  You probably put everyone else first even when you are burnt out, exhausted and resentful.

Some people seem to have no qualms about overstepping or plain ignoring your boundaries – however if you have allowed these boundaries for a long time they may not even realise that they are doing so.

If you want certain boundaries you have to set them first.  Unfortunately nobody can read your mind.  Unless you tell people or demonstrate your wishes and make them clear, people will continue to do what they have always been doing.

Do you know where your boundaries are?  Maybe you haven’t really thought about it.  Ask yourself what you are and are not willing to accept.  Once you know what your boundaries are you can begin to put them in place.

boundaries - fence with rosesBe firm and consistent.  It won’t change overnight and may even cause friction at first especially if you have been allowing certain behaviours for a long time.  When the person realises that you mean business their behaviour will slowly start to change.  Remember if you’ve been allowing someone to treat you a certain way for 20 years, it will take time to undo.

Caring about yourself is a necessity, you’re the only person who can.  Excess stress can make you ill and caring about your well-being is imperative to being healthy.

Be kind to yourself and others.

With love
Eve

Okay?

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Okay to admit you are not okay.jpg

The first step to healing is acknowledging that there’s something wrong.  Before that happens there is basically no way you can heal.  If you keep insisting that you are “fine” when you are not then how does the healing process start?

It is okay to not be okay.  You don’t have to shout it from the rooftops, you can just admit it to yourself.  Once you do that then you can get assistance or guidance.

We think we have to be okay or look okay or seem okay all or most of the time.  What is that about?

Perhaps we are trying to protect ourselves from something.  We think people will think we are weak, useless, helpless, selfish, imperfect.  Those are some of the thoughts that we may be harbouring.  Most of those thoughts are untrue (coaching sessions help with clarification on this).

Nobody is okay all of the time – this means you are not alone.  Many people go through what you are going through.  Sometimes just talking it out is healing in itself.

Don’t hold on to your strong perfect bravado.  Cry a little.  Be vulnerable.  This is how we start to heal.

Wishing you well
Eve

The Puppy and the Plans

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Puppy - LizzyI stayed up on Sunday night carefully planning my week so that I could be very productive and get a lot done.

At about 4:30 on Monday morning I woke up to the puppy crying and scratching on her box to be let out.  This was the second time during the night that she had woken up, the previous time was before midnight when I had been asleep for an hour or so.  She has been with us for only a few days and we are all trying to adjust to having a baby (albeit a dog) in the house.  She went out into the dark and cold to go and do her business all by herself and came straight back. She’s only 8 weeks old!  I put a warm water bottle into her bed and comforted her a bit until she went back to sleep.  My older dog is a late sleeper and doesn’t take too well to being woken up before dawn but he comes to check on her anyway with a soft growl telling her to go back to sleep.  It’s honestly adorable watching these two (although not so much at that time of the morning while trying not to wake up the entire household with the commotion).

I went back to sleep at about 5:15 and my alarm woke me at 6:30 only to find that I had a headache which would last me until the next day.  I walked into the kitchen feeling a bit like a zombie and realised that I had a lot of washing up to do after my children’s party on Sunday and didn’t feel like it at all and hadn’t added it into my diary.

I could see my plans for the day beginning to evaporate like steam off the road after a summer rain.

keep calm and carry onSo what I decided to do was take it one step at a time.  Take pain killers, lie down, do a few dishes, work a bit, and then repeat most of the above steps.

Basically I took it slowly and went according to what the reality was and not what I had hoped it would be.  We can plan to our heart’s content but when things don’t work out we have an opportunity to practise being flexible and letting go of our expectations.

By the end of the day although I hadn’t done everything I had wanted to do my day was still good and I did manage to fit in a few of my diary entries.  I scheduled the rest into other time slots for the week.  Even though I had a headache, I actually landed up having a chilled, enjoyable day.

Wishing you a satisfying week.

With love
Eve

Impressive or not?

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Transformation - who would you impress

Interesting question……
o
The truth (to me) is that it’s not about impressing people, it’s about being the best you can be in this world.  It can be completely anonymous and very quiet.  No-one needs to know.  Just be yourself, use your gifts, and be a good person.  Forgive yourself when you make mistakes.  Don’t try too hard to be noticed or to impress people.  Impress yourself.
People will love the real you.

That’s all.

With love
Eve

The Magic of Beginnings

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change - butterflies“And suddenly you know…. it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings”

Today I realised something about myself that I hadn’t realised before.  I’ve been acting in a certain way that bothers me if others do it.  A remarkable woman I know revealed this to me and with an uncomfortable giggle I admitted she was right.

I’m grateful she showed me where I’m going wrong because it’s not how I want to be.  I could continue in my old ways of course (which is the easier option) and enable others to do the same or I could leap into the unknown which is a bit scary but has exciting possibilities and that’s the route I’d rather take.

I’m trusting the magic of beginnings, I’m trusting that the path I’m taking will lead me closer to where I want to be as a person.  It most likely won’t be all clear sailing because when I change myself there are adjustments to be made by everyone involved and people – generally speaking – don’t like change.

It’s hard to look at ourselves sometimes but if we take the challenge there’s so much to look forward to.

I’m excited about this!

With love
Eve

12 Ways to cope when you’re not coping

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lemons 2Do you have those days when you feel like you are not coping with your life?  Your shoulders and neck feel tense?  You find yourself getting more tummy aches than usual?

When it feels like you are not coping maybe it’s because you are focusing on the stress.  Your body goes into fight or flight (keep thinking you need a holiday right now! Or sit there procrastinating?)

When you are in the thick of things you may forget that there are ways to bring joy into your life.  Here are 12 suggestions to help you do just that:

Have a cup of tea
But make its special. Use a teapot or your favourite mug.  Remind yourself that you also deserve some peace and quiet and that you are important too.

Commune with nature
Sit on the grass.  Walk barefoot.  Lie under or hug a tree (you have no idea how comforting that can be if you’ve never tried it).  Feed the birds.  Work in the garden.

Look up
Spend time looking at the clouds, the shapes, shades, contrast of colours. Watch a sunset or a sunrise for some peace and pleasure.

Do some exercise
Get those endorphins going.  Often we don’t do anything when we are feeling low but that is the time to work it because you will feel so much better.  What I do is jump on my mini trampoline while watching reruns of my favourite comedies. And talking about that…..

Do funny
Watch a funny movie or read a funny book.  Laughter changes the chemicals in your body so make it happen.  Children laugh 200 to 300 x a day and adults laugh about 15 x a day.  That’s just sad.  Don’t be a statistic.  Even forcing a smile onto your face changes what happens in your brain.

Throw a tantrum
Not in front of everybody else, just by yourself.  You didn’t want things to be happening this way did you?  So say so and stomp it out.  Try not to scare anybody while doing it though, it doesn’t have to be loud.  And then accept that this is part of life and you actually can cope if push comes to shove.

lemons 1That’s what Friends are for
Contact a friend. You’ll be amazed at how many people are going through or have gone through something similar.  If there’s no-one you can think of then contact a coach, a psychologist, a social worker or go and have your hair done and chat to your hairdresser.

Meditate or Pray
I find that when I meditate before I pray I’m much more focused and connected.  These two activities alone have volumes of positives written about them – just ask google.   Slow conscious breathing also works to calm a person down especially when you feel as though you are panicking.

Find a hug
Often a few moments of loving touch will do wonders when you are feeling overwhelmed.

Dance or sing it out
Listen to your favourite music, it will get those dance moves happening.  Even if you don’t feel like it just dance anyway for one song.  Or Sing.  Sing out loud.  Who cares what you sound like?  If your voice is really bad then close the door.

Pets
I can’t stress the value of a pet.  I don’t know what I would do without my dog and cat.  They are an endless source of healing.

Be grateful
Be grateful for what’s right in your life.  Not every single thing is going wrong.

Turn your life around.

With love
Eve

Finding Cape Town in Joburg

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scarborough-beachI had the privilege of a four day holiday in Cape Town with my husband.  I really needed this holiday and loved and made the most of almost every minute of it.  My husband had a milestone birthday and between the two of us we decided to explore Cape Town and do some things we hadn’t ever done before.  So we found quaint little places to have tea, had a scrumptious picnic on Chapman’s peak drive and found the most beautiful beach ever in Scarborough.   We even went to a museum (something we hardly ever do).  When it was time to come back to Joburg I had tears in my eyes and really wasn’t ready to leave magnificent Cape Town.   How can one compare the beauty?

When I was back in Joburg I decided that instead of lamenting the “loss”, I would make a concerted effort to find what I had in Cape Town back here in Joburg.

What did I have there?  Scenic walks and drives, fresh air, quality time, picnics, touching horses, being a foot away from a big crab, soft sand, watching dogs play……  I can find those things here too (except for the crab of course).  Obviously I won’t have the sea and the mountains and those specific types of clouds but we also have mountains nearby, lakes and dams and big parks and potential picnics.  I’ve decided that this year I’m going to make time for these things.

It’s not just a new year’s resolution, it’s a conscious decision to bring more quality into the leisure area of my life and not just let it whittle away and disappear.*

Wishing you a fantastic 2017!

With love
Eve

*Last chance to book for the Power of Purpose which starts on 7 February 2017.  Find your purpose in different areas of your life and make it happen.