Who to thank?

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sunflowrThere are people who do things for us all the time but do we always notice it?

I wrote a letter to my coach this morning, she is an amazing woman who has helped me grow tremendously this year.  Yes, even a coach needs a coach. I am so grateful to her for all she has done, her generous spirit, her love, humour and acceptance.  I am also grateful to G-d for the syncronisity in putting us together.  It has really been a wonderful (and sometimes daunting) experience and so worthwhile.   My coach is taking an extended break and so our time together is over for now and I wanted her to know how valuable she has been to me.

There is someone in your life who you may want to express your thanks to.  It may be someone who quietly changes your life for the better.  It may be someone who makes you happy just by being in their presence.  It may be someone who loves you exactly as you are.  It may be someone who brightens up your day.  It may be someone who you can confide in, someone who you feel safe with.  It may be someone who does the same thing every day without you asking.

Let them know.

With love
Eve

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The Magic of CNI

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consistencyI am currently listening to a Tony Robbins podcast and he speaks about the importance of CNI in becoming successful in anything we do.  Whether it’s career, an exercise regime, losing weight, having good relationships – it doesn’t matter what area of life you are working on.

CNI (sounds like Kanai) stands for Constant Neverending Improvement.  This means constantly doing something everyday towards your goal.

The steps can be tiny incremental steps but each day in order to succeed in our goals we should be making some improvement.

He also says that If you decide – “okay, I’m going to improve my fitness and that’s what I will focus on” – that other things you are working on will fall by the wayside so you should be making small improving steps in all areas of your life.

What I have noticed is that if you do something small every day you will see and feel the success each time.

bingingIf you love chocolate but you know that eating a chocolate every day is not helping  your health goals then start off by eating half a chocolate or only having it once every two days for a week or two and then increase the size of the goal by only having it every three days (for example).  If you decide to stop chocolates forever, two weeks later after having suffered immense stress (and a possible nervous breakdown – only kidding) every time you go shopping and forcing yourself to “have willpower” you will land up binging on chocolates and then giving up completely.  If you take it one step at a time every day your chances of success are greatly improved.

Consistency is a huge key in succeeding with your goals.

Tony (excuse me using his first name as if I know him personally haha), tells a story of a someone he knows who runs marathons.  This guy started off his running by jogging from his gate to the nearest street light which was about 20 meters away and that’s all he could manage.  Each day he increased his own goal.  That’s how it works.

What are your thoughts on this?

Take it one step at a time this week and have lots of little successes.

With love

Eve

When life gives you crumbs

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positive thinking - feed the birds

Sometimes upsetting things happen.  That’s the way things are and we can’t avoid them.  We can however make things better.

The other day I had a confrontation with a person who was quite nasty to me.  I was extremely upset afterwards and sat staring into space, totally focused on the incident.  I couldn’t concentrate on anything else.

After a while my phone alarm went off.  The ringer is an upbeat song.  I decided to stand up and dance, shaking out the negativity that my body was holding from the incident through my fingertips.  At the end of the song, I felt a lot better and I also realised that I was thankful that this is my problem rather than anything else.  In fact I felt blessed.

This thought process completely turned my mood around and I was able to get on with my day.

If it wasn’t for the song breaking into my reverie and choosing to dance it out, I may have dwelled on my problem for the whole day.  By shaking it out, I changed my mood.

I hope that you find a way to feed the birds when you get crumbs.

With love
Eve

The Power of a Hug

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Hugs are amazing things, really.  They melt away tension and can help heal a person who is ill or depressed.  Hugs release stress which help a person’s heart to beat slower which is good for longevity.

Hugs boost the chemical oxytocin in your brain.  Oxytocin has many functions, one of them being anti anxiety.  Hugs relax your muscles.

Holding a hug for an extended period of time lifts serotonin levels, elevating your mood and even helps your digestive system.  Hugging your older child or teenager for six seconds reminds them of being held as a baby (unless they explicitly say they hate it when you hug them, then don’t force it).

Hugging is one way to strengthen the immune system.  When you are happy your body stays healthier, when you are stressed, angry or depressed your immune system is weakened.  Another way is laughter so if you don’t have anyone to hug find a way to laugh more.

A hug Boosts self esteem – we feel special when receiving a hug which we associate with our early childhood when we were given hugs by our parents.  It also makes us feel safe like it did then.  This has been seen when children hug a teddy or a blanket.  We continue to carry the feeling of being hugged in our cell memory.

Hugs teach us about giving and receiving.  Giving a hug without expecting anything in return is very generous.    It is however important to receive hugs as well, you deserve good stuff too.

Hugs teach us to let go and be in the moment.  When you step into a hug time stands still.  If you are uncomfortable with hugs time might stand too still 😉.   Use your intuition about when to let go. Swaying fast from side to side while hugging can take away from being in the present moment.  Personally I prefer sill hugs.

When we hug the people we love we are investing in the relationship.  If you feel empathy for someone you feel their pain, so you may need a hug just as much as they do.

When hugging, make sure that it is platonic and nurturing.  Just be there for the other person and let them be there for you.  This builds trust and allows the person to just be.

Many people don’t get touched often especially the elderly or those that live alone.  If you know someone like that give them the gift of a hug.

To respect someone’s boundaries I usually ask the person permission.  Not everyone likes hugs or is used to them.  If someone didn’t get much trustworthy touch in childhood they may feel fearful when hugged.

Timing is important.  Hugging someone who is in a bad mood with you may be counterproductive.

Don’t squeeze too tight unless you know for a fact the other person likes that.  A sore hug is not that enjoyable.

At the end of a hug, make eye contact which will make you both smile.

If you are not a natural hugger then practise it slowly with people you love and trust.

I asked my children what it feels like to be hugged and they said: beautiful, safe, warm, cared for and caring for (exchange of care).

I hope you give and get those things this week.

With love
Eve

The Kite on my Roof

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busy 2The word “busy” has powerful connotations.  When we keep saying we are busy it means we have no space left for anything or anyone else.

We fill our lives with so many activities and there’s no time to just chill.

There are things we want to be doing but we are just too busy.  Usually those things are the most meaningful ones.  Like going to see a play, getting some fresh air at the botanical gardens, doing a good deed, taking the family on a really nice outing or having a long relaxing bath.

When we leave out the things which mean something to us It’s because we haven’t really thought too deeply about it and therefore don’t have proper direction.  When we have direction and intention and know why things are important to us we make place for them in our lives.  Filling our time up with rushing leaves a certain emptiness or frustration within us at the end of the day.*

It’s the same for our children.  I hear some of my children’s friends say that they don’t have time for social arrangements because they are too busy.  How can a child be so busy that they don’t have time to play?  If that’s what is happening to the children then certainly for us as adults it must be worse.  These children are also perpetuating a “busy” value system into their lives and when they are adults they will do the same thing and won’t have time for what is important to them.

The consequence is burnout, depression or physical ailments.

What really fulfills us is meaning, fun, laughter, love, giving, sharing, connection.  We won’t find those things in filling up our days to the brim.  Look at your schedule and see if you can take something out.  Leave time to lie on the grass and look at the birds flitting around in the trees.  The other day I had the amazing opportunity of seeing a bird of prey on my roof (I think it was a kite – click here to see what a kite is).  If I had been on my phone or rushing around doing lots and lots of stuff I would have missed it.

Yes of course there is a lot to do but try and take out something and put yourself and the things which mean something to you into your calendar.  If necessary physically write them into your diary and make them as important as any appointment would be.

There’s freedom to be found here……

With love
Eve

*I will be running the Power of Purpose on Sunday mornings in July and August.  Early bird special ends on 30 June.  Book now.

Terrorism and the Butterfly Effect

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There is a lot of reeling happening throughout the world as terror keeps hitting soft targets.

Feelings of anger, helplessness and fear fill our hearts as we read the news or our Social Media posts, some people even watch video footage of the attacks (something that I can’t do).

Questions come up in our minds….. Why?  When is this going to end?  How can people do this to each other?

We have fearful thoughts about it……. The world is a dangerous place, nowhere is safe, I am not safe.

What is there to do about it?

Actually not much.   You can’t really change everything that is happening in the world especially if it has already happened.

You can only affect your small world.

So make a point of affecting your small world.  Be good to the people around you, give more charity, give of your time, pray for peace, spread kindness.
Butterfly theory
Remember the butterfly effect…..  Change YOUR world and maybe you will change THE world.

With love
Eve

Drawing the Line

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boundaries - self careWhat I’ve realised about boundaries in the last few years is that people who get upset about others’ boundaries would never think twice about keeping their own.

Setting boundaries is a matter of self respect.  It’s about saying YES to you.

If you struggle with boundary setting you will most likely find yourself saying yes even when you want to say no.  You probably put everyone else first even when you are burnt out, exhausted and resentful.

Some people seem to have no qualms about overstepping or plain ignoring your boundaries – however if you have allowed these boundaries for a long time they may not even realise that they are doing so.

If you want certain boundaries you have to set them first.  Unfortunately nobody can read your mind.  Unless you tell people or demonstrate your wishes and make them clear, people will continue to do what they have always been doing.

Do you know where your boundaries are?  Maybe you haven’t really thought about it.  Ask yourself what you are and are not willing to accept.  Once you know what your boundaries are you can begin to put them in place.

boundaries - fence with rosesBe firm and consistent.  It won’t change overnight and may even cause friction at first especially if you have been allowing certain behaviours for a long time.  When the person realises that you mean business their behaviour will slowly start to change.  Remember if you’ve been allowing someone to treat you a certain way for 20 years, it will take time to undo.

Caring about yourself is a necessity, you’re the only person who can.  Excess stress can make you ill and caring about your well-being is imperative to being healthy.

Be kind to yourself and others.

With love
Eve