The word “busy” has powerful connotations. When we keep saying we are busy it means we have no space left for anything or anyone else.
We fill our lives with so many activities and there’s no time to just chill.
There are things we want to be doing but we are just too busy. Usually those things are the most meaningful ones. Like going to see a play, getting some fresh air at the botanical gardens, doing a good deed, taking the family on a really nice outing or having a long relaxing bath.
When we leave out the things which mean something to us It’s because we haven’t really thought too deeply about it and therefore don’t have proper direction. When we have direction and intention and know why things are important to us we make place for them in our lives. Filling our time up with rushing leaves a certain emptiness or frustration within us at the end of the day.*
It’s the same for our children. I hear some of my children’s friends say that they don’t have time for social arrangements because they are too busy. How can a child be so busy that they don’t have time to play? If that’s what is happening to the children then certainly for us as adults it must be worse. These children are also perpetuating a “busy” value system into their lives and when they are adults they will do the same thing and won’t have time for what is important to them.
The consequence is burnout, depression or physical ailments.
What really fulfills us is meaning, fun, laughter, love, giving, sharing, connection. We won’t find those things in filling up our days to the brim. Look at your schedule and see if you can take something out. Leave time to lie on the grass and look at the birds flitting around in the trees. The other day I had the amazing opportunity of seeing a bird of prey on my roof (I think it was a kite – click here to see what a kite is). If I had been on my phone or rushing around doing lots and lots of stuff I would have missed it.
Yes of course there is a lot to do but try and take out something and put yourself and the things which mean something to you into your calendar. If necessary physically write them into your diary and make them as important as any appointment would be.
There’s freedom to be found here……
*I will be running the Power of Purpose on Sunday mornings in July and August. Early bird special ends on 30 June. Book now.
There is a lot of reeling happening throughout the world as terror keeps hitting soft targets.
Feelings of anger, helplessness and fear fill our hearts as we read the news or our Social Media posts, some people even watch video footage of the attacks (something that I can’t do).
Questions come up in our minds….. Why? When is this going to end? How can people do this to each other?
We have fearful thoughts about it……. The world is a dangerous place, nowhere is safe, I am not safe.
What is there to do about it?
Actually not much. You can’t really change everything that is happening in the world especially if it has already happened.
You can only affect your small world.
So make a point of affecting your small world. Be good to the people around you, give more charity, give of your time, pray for peace, spread kindness.
Remember the butterfly effect….. Change YOUR world and maybe you will change THE world.
What I’ve realised about boundaries in the last few years is that people who get upset about others’ boundaries would never think twice about keeping their own.
Setting boundaries is a matter of self respect. It’s about saying YES to you.
If you struggle with boundary setting you will most likely find yourself saying yes even when you want to say no. You probably put everyone else first even when you are burnt out, exhausted and resentful.
Some people seem to have no qualms about overstepping or plain ignoring your boundaries – however if you have allowed these boundaries for a long time they may not even realise that they are doing so.
If you want certain boundaries you have to set them first. Unfortunately nobody can read your mind. Unless you tell people or demonstrate your wishes and make them clear, people will continue to do what they have always been doing.
Do you know where your boundaries are? Maybe you haven’t really thought about it. Ask yourself what you are and are not willing to accept. Once you know what your boundaries are you can begin to put them in place.
Be firm and consistent. It won’t change overnight and may even cause friction at first especially if you have been allowing certain behaviours for a long time. When the person realises that you mean business their behaviour will slowly start to change. Remember if you’ve been allowing someone to treat you a certain way for 20 years, it will take time to undo.
Caring about yourself is a necessity, you’re the only person who can. Excess stress can make you ill and caring about your well-being is imperative to being healthy.
Be kind to yourself and others.
The first step to healing is acknowledging that there’s something wrong. Before that happens there is basically no way you can heal. If you keep insisting that you are “fine” when you are not then how does the healing process start?
It is okay to not be okay. You don’t have to shout it from the rooftops, you can just admit it to yourself. Once you do that then you can get assistance or guidance.
We think we have to be okay or look okay or seem okay all or most of the time. What is that about?
Perhaps we are trying to protect ourselves from something. We think people will think we are weak, useless, helpless, selfish, imperfect. Those are some of the thoughts that we may be harbouring. Most of those thoughts are untrue (coaching sessions help with clarification on this).
Nobody is okay all of the time – this means you are not alone. Many people go through what you are going through. Sometimes just talking it out is healing in itself.
Don’t hold on to your strong perfect bravado. Cry a little. Be vulnerable. This is how we start to heal.
Wishing you well
I stayed up on Sunday night carefully planning my week so that I could be very productive and get a lot done.
At about 4:30 on Monday morning I woke up to the puppy crying and scratching on her box to be let out. This was the second time during the night that she had woken up, the previous time was before midnight when I had been asleep for an hour or so. She has been with us for only a few days and we are all trying to adjust to having a baby (albeit a dog) in the house. She went out into the dark and cold to go and do her business all by herself and came straight back. She’s only 8 weeks old! I put a warm water bottle into her bed and comforted her a bit until she went back to sleep. My older dog is a late sleeper and doesn’t take too well to being woken up before dawn but he comes to check on her anyway with a soft growl telling her to go back to sleep. It’s honestly adorable watching these two (although not so much at that time of the morning while trying not to wake up the entire household with the commotion).
I went back to sleep at about 5:15 and my alarm woke me at 6:30 only to find that I had a headache which would last me until the next day. I walked into the kitchen feeling a bit like a zombie and realised that I had a lot of washing up to do after my children’s party on Sunday and didn’t feel like it at all and hadn’t added it into my diary.
I could see my plans for the day beginning to evaporate like steam off the road after a summer rain.
So what I decided to do was take it one step at a time. Take pain killers, lie down, do a few dishes, work a bit, and then repeat most of the above steps.
Basically I took it slowly and went according to what the reality was and not what I had hoped it would be. We can plan to our heart’s content but when things don’t work out we have an opportunity to practise being flexible and letting go of our expectations.
By the end of the day although I hadn’t done everything I had wanted to do my day was still good and I did manage to fit in a few of my diary entries. I scheduled the rest into other time slots for the week. Even though I had a headache, I actually landed up having a chilled, enjoyable day.
Wishing you a satisfying week.
The truth (to me) is that it’s not about impressing people, it’s about being the best you can be in this world. It can be completely anonymous and very quiet. No-one needs to know. Just be yourself, use your gifts, and be a good person. Forgive yourself when you make mistakes. Don’t try too hard to be noticed or to impress people. Impress yourself.
People will love the real you.
“And suddenly you know…. it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings”
Today I realised something about myself that I hadn’t realised before. I’ve been acting in a certain way that bothers me if others do it. A remarkable woman I know revealed this to me and with an uncomfortable giggle I admitted she was right.
I’m grateful she showed me where I’m going wrong because it’s not how I want to be. I could continue in my old ways of course (which is the easier option) and enable others to do the same or I could leap into the unknown which is a bit scary but has exciting possibilities and that’s the route I’d rather take.
I’m trusting the magic of beginnings, I’m trusting that the path I’m taking will lead me closer to where I want to be as a person. It most likely won’t be all clear sailing because when I change myself there are adjustments to be made by everyone involved and people – generally speaking – don’t like change.
It’s hard to look at ourselves sometimes but if we take the challenge there’s so much to look forward to.
I’m excited about this!