Dear Not Clever Enough…

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what if you flySomeone wrote to me the other day and mentioned that they are struggling to take the next step in their life because they are not confident and feel as though they are not clever enough.

What makes a person clever enough?

There are billions of people in the world.  Some are more clever and some are less clever but if we feel inferior then we will always look at the ones who are more clever than us and compare ourselves to them (which of course makes us believe we are stupid).  What does this do to help us move forward in life?

N.O.T.H.I.N.G.

You are cleverer than you think, more beautiful than you believe, more capable than you can imagine.  If you allow your old messages of not being good enough to dictate your life then you will struggle to move forward.  It’s time to leave those limiting beliefs behind you and fulfill your potential.

If this is something you find hard to do on your own I can help you with this.

I wish you well.

Eve

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Angry People are Angry

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If you believe something about yourself, it’s bound to eventually come true.  For example, from a young age I would look at the other girls in the class and believe that I was so much bigger than them and therefore fat and therefore unattractive.  Before we go on let’s get this out the way now…. I don’t believe that being fat equals unattractive.  But I used to.  And it applied to me.  When I look back on the memory of when I made this decision about myself I can actually see in front of me the girl that I compared myself to.  She was one of the thinnest girls in the class!  When I look back on photos of that time – I was 11 years old – I had an average size figure and a sweet face.

But in my MIND I was fat.  Because I had made up my mind that I was fat I started (without realising it) becoming what people call fat.  I say that because I am not fat, I have fat on my body.  That’s two different things.  Do you get it? We believe that we are the label.  The label could be rich, poor, unwell, frail, weak, sad, angry, anxious, helpless, failure, unemployed, old, (add yours …………………………).  Once we decide that we are the label we become the label.

Other people also give us labels or they see our labels and just verbalise them.  For example:  John is an angry person.  Why do we hold on to these labels?  Why don’t we change them to what we want them to be?  Well… we believe them for one.  There are also payoff’s to keeping the label – if John is angry people are scared of him and he keeps on being angry because that’s how he gets to stay in control because when he was growing up he felt weak or helpless in his situation and so being angry helps him stay strong.  Once we are comfortable with our label (and by the way we don’t realise we are until we work with it) it’s hard to let go of it.  It also takes some strength looking at yourself and asking what you are getting out of it.

What is the solution?  It’s not a quick fix really….. it takes looking at what is really happening for you and working through it.  Healing the wounds from the past and changing the labels. Making new ones.

You can have any label you want actually.  Why not choose it?

With love
Eve

When Right is Wrong

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I had an argument with someone close to me the other day and I’m telling you by 11 pm when it was time to go to sleep, I felt remorse and regret.  Not that I didn’t think I was right at the time of the argument (of course I was haha) but I just realized the futility of what had taken place and how it takes me further away from someone instead of closer to them.

right and wrongWhat is the point of relationships?  Why do we have the people that we have in our lives?  Why can’t we just live on our own and not interact with people, that way we won’t have conflict and we will be at peace?

I don’t have all the answers, obviously, but my view is that each relationship does have a point and a purpose.   When you know what that purpose is it can change the dynamics of your relationship.  At the end of the day you will keep coming back to the purpose and that will keep you on track for the next time.

Being right is not always right.  It may feel like it at the time but it creates a space between you and the other person that needs to be healed and that takes time and effort.  Try and pick your battles and decide if being right is going to serve you or not.

Go for a win-win situation where both of you come out feeling heard and respected.

I wish you lots of beautiful connections
With love
Eve

Building yourself Up

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self esteem - gold stuffWithout realizing it people often buy things to boost their self esteem.  A new outfit, a new car, a bigger home….

They may feel better about themselves for a short period of time but the feeling goes away and all they are left with is an expensive debt.

When people need an external item to build themselves up then it’s time to ask why they need it in the first place.  Here are two questions they could ask:

  • Why do I need this?
  • What does it say about me if I have this?

The answers to the second question can be eye opening and can often come down to core beliefs we hold about ourselves.  Often we let these core beliefs hold us back in life, if we are embarrassed about our furniture or our home we may resist inviting people over.

An example using the above questions would be:  You feel embarrassed about your lounge suite as it is old and grubby and discoloured.  So you avoid people coming to the lounge if you can.  Ask yourself why you feel embarrassed.  Then ask yourself what feeling embarrassed about your lounge says about you.   Some answers could be: If my lounge suite looks like this, people will think badly of me, people will think I don’t take care of my things, people will think I don’t have money, people will look down on me.  If people think these things about me then I am a failure, I don’t deserve to have visitors over, I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy.

This above scenario might sound extreme but when a person has feelings of inferiority around their stuff, its usually based on these self doubting thoughts they are having.  If you have never done this type of work before you would be surprised about what your thoughts are.

Do you recognize any of those statements when it comes to your inner dialogue?  Are any of those thoughts actually true?  Do people really think those things?  Well you don’t know unless you ask them because you can’t read someone else’s mind.  Even if people did think those thoughts about you…. does it really matter?  So what if they do.  It doesn’t make you any less of a person.

Once you are aware of your why’s, you may relook at things and work on feeling good from the inside.

I can help you work with that.

With love
Eve

What to do in December

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relax mountainsCan you believe it’s that time of year again when we have an opportunity to slow down.  This year seems to have come and gone and I hope that I can drag out the holidays for as long as possible.

Some tips for making the most of your holidays whether you are going away or not:

Do nothing
Make sure you spend some time each day doing absolutely nothing.  Nothing important.  Nothing technological.  Nothing that HAS to be done.

Do nature
Spend some time in nature.  There are beautiful parks just around the corner or a short drive away.  The other day my mom and I spent an hour in a park in our neighbourhood and I’m telling you it was relaxing and uplifting.  I noticed the details, colours and smells of trees I usually just drive by.

Do noticing
When you are out and about take special notice of how beautiful the world is that we live in.  Notice the trees, the flowers, the beaches, the mountains, the sky, the people, your family.  Be present in the moment.

Do spending
Spend quality time with your partner, children or pets, spend more time with people you love, make special dates like movie night picnic in your garden.  Spend time cooking together, going for walks, holding hands and hugging.  Spend less on material goods and shopping malls.

Do sharing
Share chores with those in your family, don’t do it all yourself.  Find a way to inspire the others to help you.  Get the family involved when deciding what fun things to do.  Share with people less privileged, take a sandwhich in the car on trips to give to the hungry man or woman begging at the traffic light.  Everyone needs a break.

Do decluttering
Getting rid of stuff while you have a bit of extra time on your hands is liberating.  It opens up the energy in your home which will be a great start to next year.

Do time out
Make sure you do things just for yourself.  This is your holiday too.  Put a “do not disturb” sign on your door while you read your book for an hour and drink a cup of hot milo or cold iced tea (the weather is so weird it could be either one).  Find someone to babysit now and then if you have small kids.

Do tolerance
Everyone being home at the same time for a month or more can sometimes get overwhelming.  Look at your home mates from a soul level and open your heart with compassion.  Let this be a month of peace, understanding and love.  That sounds cliched but I’m serious.

Do laughing
On a serious note, stop being so serious.  Have some fun and enjoy yourself.  Put music on while doing chores, dress up as a prince or princess and prance around the house letting everyone think you are a bit crazy.  Laughter spreads and makes us happy (watch this hilarious clip).  Be happy.  Do funny.

I will be taking a break from writing until the middle of January but will still consult a couple of times a week so don’t be a stranger.  Have a wonderful holiday.  I’ll miss you.

With love
Eve

Good Life or Good Lie

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good lifeWe deceive ourselves by making up stories in our heads.  Here are two examples.

  • Peggy was concerned because a good friend of hers seemed to be ignoring her text messages and not replying to any of them.  She started getting anxious thinking something was wrong.  When we analysed it together we noticed that the thoughts that had been going on Peggy’s mind were along the lines of: she’s purposefully ignoring me; I must have upset her; she doesn’t like me anymore, I’m not loveable. The truth is we don’t know any of those to be true, we make stories up and believe them as though they are real. How can we know if she’s purposefully ignoring her or if she’s upset or doesn’t like her anymore, maybe she’s just busy.
  • Lulu saw someone at the shop and the person looked her up and down in what seemed to be a disapproving manner.  Lulu had already been feeling self conscious that morning having eaten a half a slab of chocolate the night before.The thoughts that she had unconsciously been thinking were: I look terrible today; I’ve put on 3 kilos from the chocolate I ate;this woman knows and she’s thinking that I have no self discipline; I’m a terrible person.  Now all of these thoughts that Lulu thought are unverified and therefore the answer to them is unknown.  How on earth could she know what this random stranger was thinking?  For all she knows the woman saw the colour she was wearing and was thinking of her ex-husband whose current girlfriend had a dress in that colour.We never know what other people are thinking.

I do not mean to undermine Peggy’s or Lulu’s experiences here.  I am trying to demonstrate how we subconsciously think thoughts that seem real to us and we get freaked out.  These thoughts however, are just thoughts.   Often though they relate to experiences we have had previously in our lives which trigger us (almost like flicking a light switch on) and it’s as if we are reliving that same moment from many many years ago.  These experiences can be unravelled and put into perspective with someone who has experience in this area.

We continue to deceive ourselves and make our lives a misery by thinking thoughts and believing everything we think to be true.

If you want help to unpack your thoughts and work through them, to see what is plaguing you, please contact me by clicking here.

All the best
Eve

Worthy of Receiving

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receiving sarkGiving is super important and gives purpose to one’s life.  However, some people perceive that to receive from others is wrong or they don’t like it.  Have you heard people saying “I would rather give than receive”?

There’s a balance to giving and receiving.  If you constantly give and never allow yourself to receive you are creating an unbalanced relationship with whoever is trying to give to you.  Everyone needs to give in order to feel that they are contributing to society, to friends, relatives and to their intimate relationships and you are giving someone an opportunity to be generous when you are able to accept from others.

Receiving can be scary but hear this….. accepting a gift, a compliment or help, doesn’t mean you are weak or useless, helpless or incapable.  It means you are in a relationship.  You can be strong and still accept from others. Receiving might also bring up feelings of obligation and owing.  i.e. I have to be grateful to this person and now I am indebted or owe them something.  Yes you probably should be grateful, so what?  Someone out there is grateful for what you have done for them too.

You know who else you need to receive from?  Yourself.

The other day I proved it to myself after hearing a talk on this.  After the talk, I gave myself three gifts, one was tasty, one was about cooling down in the boiling heat and the other was taking a few minutes just to enjoy these two things.  When my husband and kids got home later I had so much more energy and willingness to do things for them rather than feeling depleted and put upon with all their needs because I had already given to myself.  I had shown myself that I am worthy of receiving.  It’s weird but I actually wanted to give more because my needs had already been met.  The people around me were naturally happy too.

Did you know you are worthy of love just as you already are with no improvements?  That means that right now you are worthy of love just because you are.

Remember that.

receiving sark 2Next time somebody gives you a compliment, say thank you (instead of not believing them or making excuses or brushing them off).  If somebody offers you help, don’t think “I can do this all on my own”.  Even if you can do it all on your own, it’s okay to share your burdens and your chores.  If somebody gives you a gift, don’t think “oh no, now I have to give them a gift back” just accept it and appreciate that someone cared about you.

Thank you for reading my blog – that is a gift to me.

With love
Eve