Pretty Smart

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“The Difference between pretty and beautiful is that pretty is temporal whereas beautiful is eternal” – from the book Sefirot by Rabbi Y Haber.

pretty with lights

The world is so obsessed with physical beauty that it becomes a lifelong struggle for many people to meet those expectations.  Magazines, movies, the Internet and books espouse a certain standard of physical beauty and if you don’t meet that standard there is something sub-standard about you.  This is so wrong.

Aging is also an adjustment because our looks deteriorate out of our control which can be especially hard for people who have natural physical beauty unless they learn to love themselves with the stuff that comes with aging.

We all have our different genes and everybody was created uniquely.  To be happy within ourselves we need to appreciate and approve of ourselves (and others).

We are all beautiful and the more we do to make the world a better place the more our beauty shines out.  If you spend time with someone even for a short period of time you can notice their beauty so brightly that you can be filled with love or joy just looking into their eyes.

Let’s worry less about being pretty and more about being ourselves, bringing out our essence into the world and touching others with that.

Here’s hoping you will experience the beauty in yourself and others this week.

With love

Eve

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1 minute of happiness

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meerkatsWhen you feel lost and alone stop and think about this: there are billions of cells in your body and all they care about is you. 

Doesn’t that make your day better?

And if it doesn’t, the picture of the meerkats should.

With love
Eve

 

The Opposite of Love isn’t Hate

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ignored

Elie Wiesel wrote, “The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference.”

Apparently there are have been scientific studies which prove that the brain registers as physical pain when a person is being ignored.  I have read a couple of articles on it but I don’t have the scientific sources.  If it is true though, why do we feel so much pain at being ignored and what can we do about it?

Silence can feel like a dignified, high road response but the silence is really saying a lot.  It’s also a way to inflict pain without fighting.  It’s a type of passive aggressive behaviour.

When someone ignores you how do you feel?  Angry?  Hurt?  Irritated?  Sad?

When we are ignored we start to think all sorts of things about ourselves such as:

  • They don’t like me
  • I’m unloveable
  • People always ignore me
  • I am invisible
  • Fill your own in here ………………

These type of thoughts and  beliefs we have create the pain we feel.

What can we do?

Ask yourself questions.  For example: 

  • Is it true that I am invisible? (No it’s not because if you turn to someone and ask them they will verify that you are visible to them).
  • Is it true that they don’t like me?  (Well unless you ask them you will never really know).
  • Do I need to care that they don’t like me?  (Well do you?)
  • Can I be myself no matter what? (It may be hard but chances are you can give yourself the permission to be yourself).
  • If someone ignores me am I unloveable?  (No.)

Affirm yourself with words of love:

  • I am a loveable, visible human being.
  • My worth is not measured by these particular people.
  • There are people who take notice of what I say.

The bottom line is that yes, being ignored is hurtful but it doesn’t mean you are not a beautiful, worthy human being.  You just need to remind yourself of that and try not to let others affect your beliefs about yourself and the world.  Keep in mind that we inflict this kind of pain on others too and it is good to be aware of our own behaviour and to rectify it in some way.

Was this article helpful to you?

If you wish to book a consultation to deal with this type of problem in a more in depth and personal way please feel free to contact me by clicking here.

With love
Eve

Help Offered

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3 weeks ago I was happily walking the dogs when I stepped into a hole and twisted my ankle.  I tore a ligament and have since been on crutches and in a moon boot.  Firstly I want to praise the inventor of the moon boot because it allowed me to be reasonably mobile at home.

Last week I was finally able to go shopping.  First I went to Moishes butchery (while my hubby who had dropped me there went to buy dogfood) and I was standing in the queue when I saw that the teller looked at my foot and was frowning.  When I got to her till she said to me that I shouldn’t have waited in the queue, next time I should just come to the front of the queue.  She then called the security officer to take my packets to the car for me which he duly did.

My hubby then dropped me at Woolies in Norwood and I was quite sure I would manage on my own and would catch an Uber back home.  While looking at the fresh produce a tall, gentle looking staff member named Bafana offered to push my trolley for me while I shopped.  I was so taken aback and felt very grateful for his offer but decided to do it myself as I knew that I would probably take quite long and didn’t want to use up his time.  It was actually quite challenging as I had to push the trolley with my tummy and it’s quite awkward reaching for items and then putting them in the trolley while walking with both crutches.  Bafana came to check on me halfway through my shopping and told me he really wanted to help me and suggested that I ask him next time.  My hubby fetched me as he had already finished all he had to do while I was in Woolies!  I told you I would take long.

Even though I could have relied on those people and it probably would have been wiser to do so, I was tired yet elated when I got home.  I was so amazed by the kindness of these strangers.  They had genuine care in their eyes.  It did not seem to be just a matter of being a good employee, they sincerely wanted to be of help.

I had to take a backseat these three weeks and let other people do things for me which is harder than you would think.  Sitting back and letting others do the work is not my default setting.  I would like to thank my family for making me feel comfortable and allowing me the time I needed to heal.  I have written to the shops to praise their staff members and hope that they get recognised in some way.

The kindness of strangers happens more than we think.  Let’s spread stories of kindness as much as possible.  I think we all need a little bit of sun.

Wishing you well
Eve

Dear Not Clever Enough…

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what if you flySomeone wrote to me the other day and mentioned that they are struggling to take the next step in their life because they are not confident and feel as though they are not clever enough.

What makes a person clever enough?

There are billions of people in the world.  Some are more clever and some are less clever but if we feel inferior then we will always look at the ones who are more clever than us and compare ourselves to them (which of course makes us believe we are stupid).  What does this do to help us move forward in life?

N.O.T.H.I.N.G.

You are cleverer than you think, more beautiful than you believe, more capable than you can imagine.  If you allow your old messages of not being good enough to dictate your life then you will struggle to move forward.  It’s time to leave those limiting beliefs behind you and fulfill your potential.

If this is something you find hard to do on your own I can help you with this.

I wish you well.

Eve

Angry People are Angry

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If you believe something about yourself, it’s bound to eventually come true.  For example, from a young age I would look at the other girls in the class and believe that I was so much bigger than them and therefore fat and therefore unattractive.  Before we go on let’s get this out the way now…. I don’t believe that being fat equals unattractive.  But I used to.  And it applied to me.  When I look back on the memory of when I made this decision about myself I can actually see in front of me the girl that I compared myself to.  She was one of the thinnest girls in the class!  When I look back on photos of that time – I was 11 years old – I had an average size figure and a sweet face.

But in my MIND I was fat.  Because I had made up my mind that I was fat I started (without realising it) becoming what people call fat.  I say that because I am not fat, I have fat on my body.  That’s two different things.  Do you get it? We believe that we are the label.  The label could be rich, poor, unwell, frail, weak, sad, angry, anxious, helpless, failure, unemployed, old, (add yours …………………………).  Once we decide that we are the label we become the label.

Other people also give us labels or they see our labels and just verbalise them.  For example:  John is an angry person.  Why do we hold on to these labels?  Why don’t we change them to what we want them to be?  Well… we believe them for one.  There are also payoff’s to keeping the label – if John is angry people are scared of him and he keeps on being angry because that’s how he gets to stay in control because when he was growing up he felt weak or helpless in his situation and so being angry helps him stay strong.  Once we are comfortable with our label (and by the way we don’t realise we are until we work with it) it’s hard to let go of it.  It also takes some strength looking at yourself and asking what you are getting out of it.

What is the solution?  It’s not a quick fix really….. it takes looking at what is really happening for you and working through it.  Healing the wounds from the past and changing the labels. Making new ones.

You can have any label you want actually.  Why not choose it?

With love
Eve

When Right is Wrong

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I had an argument with someone close to me the other day and I’m telling you by 11 pm when it was time to go to sleep, I felt remorse and regret.  Not that I didn’t think I was right at the time of the argument (of course I was haha) but I just realized the futility of what had taken place and how it takes me further away from someone instead of closer to them.

right and wrongWhat is the point of relationships?  Why do we have the people that we have in our lives?  Why can’t we just live on our own and not interact with people, that way we won’t have conflict and we will be at peace?

I don’t have all the answers, obviously, but my view is that each relationship does have a point and a purpose.   When you know what that purpose is it can change the dynamics of your relationship.  At the end of the day you will keep coming back to the purpose and that will keep you on track for the next time.

Being right is not always right.  It may feel like it at the time but it creates a space between you and the other person that needs to be healed and that takes time and effort.  Try and pick your battles and decide if being right is going to serve you or not.

Go for a win-win situation where both of you come out feeling heard and respected.

I wish you lots of beautiful connections
With love
Eve