The Unanswered Question

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Here’s something that blew my mind.helpful kids with dog

There are no problems says Tony Robbins.  A problem is just a question that remains unanswered. And what is an issue? An issue is a question that remains unanswered that has a judgement attached to it.

Here is an example that you could relate to: The cost of living has gone up hugely (not only in South Africa) and it is difficult to afford many of the expenses that come up regularly and especially emergency expenses, nevermind saving up for retirement and other life goals. If you focus on the fact that it’s a problem it can become insurmountable and unfixable and very stressful.

And what about an issue? If an issue is the same as a problem but with a judgement attached to it, the judgement would be something like – I have no self control.  Life is unfair. There is never enough.

If you look at it instead as a question that remains unanswered you need to ask a question.  So you could ask something like – What can I do to earn extra money? How can I put away a small amount every month towards savings? Where am I spending too much? Am I buying things that I don’t need? What can I cut back on? Do I need help and if so how can I get help?

Once you start asking and answering these questions you will start to find solutions for the situation that you find yourself in. If we use the above example you may find that there are various ways to change the way you’ve been using money up until now.

Does this make sense to you? The same applies to any “problem” or “issue”.

Do you see how this can help you to get through situations that are difficult or stressful? Let me know what you think.

 

Tiniest Thing

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Perfectionism - van goghAre you holding back?

Do you find yourself not doing something that you would like to do?

If you ask yourself why you consistently aren’t doing it, you will probably find that you are scared of something.

Perhaps it’s failure.  Maybe you are scared of people judging you.  Maybe you think you are incapable.  Maybe you think it’s just a dream and dreams never come true.  Perhaps you think you don’t know enough.

Basically, the only way to do what you want to do is to do it.

So start.  One tiny thing.  All it takes is 5 seconds or 5 minutes.

All those things you are scared of are only your own mind’s way of tripping you up.  If you have to analyse your thoughts you will see that none of the reasons for holding back are worth much.

What one tiny thing can you do to start what you have been putting off?

Tiny.

With love
Eve

Mundane Elevated

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washing dishes singingOrdinary tasks can seem meaningless and suck the joy out of our day.  We run around, busy busy busy, driving, shopping, cleaning, cooking.  At night before going to sleep it may seem like we got nothing done but here’s the thing…..

When you shop, you bring food into the house.  Your family has something to eat and it keeps them alive.

Driving your children to and from school and extra murals keeps them safe and you might even get some time to chat.  Fetching a friend or relative who can’t drive is an act of kindness.

When you cook you feed those you love, nurturing them, keeping them alive and healthy and you may even get some opportunities to be creative.

Monday mornings might not always be the best but if you can get up knowing that you are providing for your family it makes going to work more of a breeze.

All this may seem obvious but we sometimes forget that what we are doing counts.

There are ways to make ordinary tasks more fun.  Play some music or listen to a podcast.  Find someone to join you  sometimes.  Turn your task into a game or a personal challenge.  Change your mindset from “I have to do this” to “I choose to do this because (why)………………………”.

Cooking, cleaning, driving and working, nurture and actually save lives.  It may sound exaggerated and dramatic but it’s true.  All these seemingly mundane tasks are far more important than we give them credit for.

When you go to sleep at night you can be proud of what you have done today.

With love
Eve

Dear Not Clever Enough…

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what if you flySomeone wrote to me the other day and mentioned that they are struggling to take the next step in their life because they are not confident and feel as though they are not clever enough.

What makes a person clever enough?

There are billions of people in the world.  Some are more clever and some are less clever but if we feel inferior then we will always look at the ones who are more clever than us and compare ourselves to them (which of course makes us believe we are stupid).  What does this do to help us move forward in life?

N.O.T.H.I.N.G.

You are cleverer than you think, more beautiful than you believe, more capable than you can imagine.  If you allow your old messages of not being good enough to dictate your life then you will struggle to move forward.  It’s time to leave those limiting beliefs behind you and fulfill your potential.

If this is something you find hard to do on your own I can help you with this.

I wish you well.

Eve

Recovery from Drudgery

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change your own world - barbwire turning into birdsSteve Jobs said:  “The only way to do great work is to love what you do.  If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking, don’t settle.”

So how do you do great work if you don’t love what you do?

Find a way to love or at least like a part of it. Here are a few ideas.

* Have a purpose for what you are doing.  Decide what it is you are going for – (If you haven’t done the Power of Purpose course you may wish to consider it as an option).
* Write a list of what you like about your work – maybe it’s the people or the coffee or the view out of your window or the organising.
* Write a list of what you dislike about your job.  Now take that list and try and find ways to change a few of them.
* Why are you doing what you are doing?  Your answers may give you clarity.
thoughts - there is always a way* If you are struggling with relationships at work consider getting a coach to help you through.
* Make a difference in someone else’s life at work.  Giving of yourself to others – even if it’s a pleasant smile or a heartfelt ear – builds you up as well as being pleasurable.
* If you have an opportunity to work towards what you really want in your life then set a goal and start working towards it.   The best time to begin was 5 years ago but if you didn’t, then begin now.

Keep in mind that even if you start off doing what you really love, it can still become drudgery and “just a job” if you don’t add purpose to it.

Wishing you well

Eve

Closing the Gap

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What is the word that actually describes your life?  What is the word you wish described your life?  How are you going to get closer to the life you wish for?

In order to write this for you I had to make it personal so that you would glean from my example.  So  here goes….

The word that describes my life right now is swamped.  How would I like it to be?  Flowing.

Funny that both those words have reference to water.  Swamped feels exactly as it sounds, bogged down, difficult to get out of, overwhelming, too much to do.  Flowing is peaceful, things going according to plan, doing what feels right, not taking on too much, dancing movements, glittering beauty (okay, I’m getting carried away because I really want to be on holiday right now).

Firstly it’s important to note that the words that I have used to describe my current state are all beliefs.   Are they true?  Well not really.   They are just thoughts, a state of mind.  If I believe my life is overwhelming then it really seems overwhelming and then that’s what it is.  Overwhelming.  Too much to do?  How do I know how much is too much to do?  This may be hard to comprehend right now but believe me, it is very freeing when you are able to differentiate between the truth and what you think is the truth.  I had a look at some pictures of swamps and believe me that is not what my life looks like (thank G-d) – but I have been thinking it is!

How am I going to close the gap?

I will look in my diary when something comes up and  I will ask myself if it is necessary, if it is doable, if it is something I really want or if I am doing it for other reasons such as people pleasing or fame and fortune.

I will make extra time for traveling in my diary.  Sometimes I forget to do this and then find myself rushing from place to place because I haven’t added the traveling time into my day.  It is so much more peaceful when I can drive to place and sing at the same time instead of sweating from the stress of trying not to be too late.

I will forgive myself for being human.  If I set a certain amount of goals and can only reach a few of them, I will remind myself that I am human and can only do so much.  If I overburden myself with negative criticism it’s no wonder I believe I’m overwhelmed because not only am I rushing and not managing to fulfill my expectations of myself but I am also adding harsh words to the mix.

I will make time for the things that are a priority in my life.  Sometimes we forget what we are aiming for.  We lose sight of our purpose.  If I refocus I will be able to say no to invitations that come up and only choose the ones that talk to my higher purposes.

I will make time for myself to relax.  How can I even do any of the above if I don’t make time to relax and nurture myself?  That means making proper food and not eating on the run, spending time lying or walking on the grass, having naps, going out on a date with myself (now and then), treating myself like I would treat anybody else, with courtesy and kindness.

Wishing you a beautiful week of seeing what’s really happening in your life and making steps to close the gap.

I would love to hear the words you chose and some of your ideas on how you are going to close your gap.

With love
Eve

 

 

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Babe, you got this xx

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When you are trying to do something challenging in your life for example sticking to an exercise routine or a new way of eating (or any other habit) and you keep slipping back into old habits then this one is for you.

One of the crucial elements of sticking to any sort of new habit is support.  You’ve probably tried this before and yet you find yourself sleeping in instead of going for a walk or hitting the gym.

I remember when I was on an intensive art course for a few years (a while back) and we had to hand in hundreds of sketches, numerous completed drawings and a fair amount of large drawings with board frames.  I was working full day and studying part time and it was quite difficult to come home after work, cook, clean and complete my art work and still find time to relax.  What helped me get through at the time was having support partners.  My husband and my close friend.  My husband would help me keep accountable by sometimes watching tv or reading where I was drawing or he would remind me about my goal to finish what I had started.  My friend supported me by loving my art and encouraging me even if I didn’t love it.  We would sometimes lug my art equipment to her house and I would draw while we all spent time together.  Good times.

Does it make sense to you that sometimes we just need someone who will be on our side, someone who will remind us about why we started, someone we can phone or text when we “just don’t feel like it” and want to give up?

When choosing a support partner, let it be someone who would be kind yet firm.  Discuss what  you want from them beforehand.  If you want them to push you, explain how you would like it to be done.  For me a Seargent Major type would push me into rebellion rather than motivate me.  Set boundaries from the beginning.  For both of you – maybe your support partner doesn’t want to be woken at 3 a.m. because you are dying for ice cream in the fridge and don’t want to ruin your hard work.

Don’t think you have to do it all yourself.  We are social creatures.  Sometimes the person who is always there for someone else needs someone to be there for them.  Are you feeling guilty for receiving support?  Your support partner may need your help one day too.  You are worthy of support.

Choose someone who gets you.  There’s no point choosing support that doesn’t agree with what you are doing and will constantly criticise you along the way.

Hang in there.  Goals take perseverance to achieve – ask anyone who reached theirs.

I wish you the best with your goal.  Let us know how this advice helped you reach it.

Eve
 


If you live in Johannesburg, don’t forget to register for the Power of Purpose which starts on the 16th of August