Welcome to 2019! I hope you had a good rest during the festive season.
Most people make new years resolutions and here’s a couple of tips to make them actually work…..
BE VERY SPECIFIC
Don’t just say “I want to write more this year” – rather say “I want to write one blog a week”. That’s what I mean by being specific. Instead of “I am going to exercise more this year”, be specific and say “I am going to walk with a partner 3 times a week”. Name the partner if you know who it is.
WRITE THEM DOWN
Keeping the resolutions in your head will result in them staying there. You will soon forget about them. Write them down and keep them in a prominent place so that you can keep looking at them.
Don’t sell yourself short by thinking that you might not be able to do it. Rather believe that you can. If you achieve even 70% of your goal you have still succeeded.
At the same time be realistic. If you say, I am going to run the Comrades this year but you don’t even run bath water then rather choose something more realistic by starting off with something you CAN manage. Maybe next year you WILL be able to run the Comrades if you start training now.
Book an online session with me to work through your goals privately. Are you going to let another year pass you by?
I wish you an amazing year filled with everything you wish for yourself. Don’t just wish it, do it!
Life doesn’t always turn out the way we had hoped but it doesn’t mean we can’t still have a life worth living. There are ways to fix things that seem broken.
Let’s take relationships for example. All relationships require that we spend time making them happen. People who live together can be like ships in the night, you see each other in the passage, say good morning and goodnight, maybe even sit together watching tv but you don’t actually spend quality time together.
The first thing to save a situation like this is to NOTICE that it is happening. Once you are aware of the situation you can take steps to make things better.
END IN MIND
Next, decide about how you would like your relationship to be and then work towards that vision.
Take steps to make it happen. Some examples: Take time to hear about each other’s day. Help with the dishes or make a meal together once a week. Buy your partner a small gift (it doesn’t have to be expensive, it’s a gesture to show your partner that you thought about them). Give your partner sincere compliments.
Recognise all the good they do and acknowledge them for it. Everyone wants to be appreciated for the effort they put in.
Have fun together. Do things that you both like doing. Go on dates. Play a song and dance together. Bath the dogs together. Squirt water at each other (keep in mind you must both like water to some extent). Make each other laugh.
Neither of you are going to get it right a lot of the time. Forgive each other for being human and pick it up from where you left off. If there is something huge to forgive then perhaps see someone who can help you do that.
And we are back to the NOTICING again. Notice your partner. Notice when they are sad and let them talk to you or just be there for them. Notice when they are happy and enjoy it and be happy with them. Notice when they need help to hold the ladder. Notice when they can’t open the lid of the bottle.
Relationships are a gift (sometimes it doesn’t feel like it). They are a gift to help us grow, to have connection, to share your life with another person. It’s not something to just let happen. You need to be an active member.
“People defined me by my weaknesses rather than my strengths because my weaknesses were all they heard about when I spoke.” (found on Pinterest).
What we say and think about ourselves makes a difference to how people perceive us. If we believe we are unworthy we behave in a certain manner and talk about ourselves in a negative way to others.
Every person has their hangups but the truth is that we each have so many good qualities and we should start to remind ourselves about them.
We need to focus on our good qualities, our good health, our good character, our strengths and talents and people around us will know us for that because that is what we will communicate to others just by being who we are.
You know those days where one or two things go wrong and it brings you down and it feels like your whole day was awful?
Well we often center in on the thing that happened and wallow in our misery. We even milk it by telling everyone who will listen to us about what a bad day it was.
In reality most times it’s is just the incident itself that was bad and not the whole day but we tend to let that one incident bring us down for the rest of the day.We sometimes use the “bad day” as an excuse to treat people badly as if others should suffer too for our misfortune.
We lose hours of happiness by focusing on the bad day which was probably only 5 minutes or half an hour.
So let’s not minus too much time from the 1140 minutes that we have gifted to us everyday. It goes so quickly.
Standing here, reflecting about my year, worrying, was I good enough? Did I do enough? Was I kind? Was I gentle? Did I reach my expectations of myself? Did I fail? Thinking about the times I messed up.
Where to from here?
It’s important to also look at where I did go right. Where I was kind, where I was gentle, where I helped out, where I reached a goal, where I looked after myself or others, where I gave, where I brought a smile to someone’s face, where I went out of my way.
It helps with self forgiveness and being real about who I am as a human.
Now to grow.
Ordinary tasks can seem meaningless and suck the joy out of our day. We run around, busy busy busy, driving, shopping, cleaning, cooking. At night before going to sleep it may seem like we got nothing done but here’s the thing…..
When you shop, you bring food into the house. Your family has something to eat and it keeps them alive.
Driving your children to and from school and extra murals keeps them safe and you might even get some time to chat. Fetching a friend or relative who can’t drive is an act of kindness.
When you cook you feed those you love, nurturing them, keeping them alive and healthy and you may even get some opportunities to be creative.
Monday mornings might not always be the best but if you can get up knowing that you are providing for your family it makes going to work more of a breeze.
All this may seem obvious but we sometimes forget that what we are doing counts.
There are ways to make ordinary tasks more fun. Play some music or listen to a podcast. Find someone to join you sometimes. Turn your task into a game or a personal challenge. Change your mindset from “I have to do this” to “I choose to do this because (why)………………………”.
Cooking, cleaning, driving and working, nurture and actually save lives. It may sound exaggerated and dramatic but it’s true. All these seemingly mundane tasks are far more important than we give them credit for.
When you go to sleep at night you can be proud of what you have done today.