The first step to healing is acknowledging that there’s something wrong. Before that happens there is basically no way you can heal. If you keep insisting that you are “fine” when you are not then how does the healing process start?
It is okay to not be okay. You don’t have to shout it from the rooftops, you can just admit it to yourself. Once you do that then you can get assistance or guidance.
We think we have to be okay or look okay or seem okay all or most of the time. What is that about?
Perhaps we are trying to protect ourselves from something. We think people will think we are weak, useless, helpless, selfish, imperfect. Those are some of the thoughts that we may be harbouring. Most of those thoughts are untrue (coaching sessions help with clarification on this).
Nobody is okay all of the time – this means you are not alone. Many people go through what you are going through. Sometimes just talking it out is healing in itself.
Don’t hold on to your strong perfect bravado. Cry a little. Be vulnerable. This is how we start to heal.
“And suddenly you know…. it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings”
Today I realised something about myself that I hadn’t realised before. I’ve been acting in a certain way that bothers me if others do it. A remarkable woman I know revealed this to me and with an uncomfortable giggle I admitted she was right.
I’m grateful she showed me where I’m going wrong because it’s not how I want to be. I could continue in my old ways of course (which is the easier option) and enable others to do the same or I could leap into the unknown which is a bit scary but has exciting possibilities and that’s the route I’d rather take.
I’m trusting the magic of beginnings, I’m trusting that the path I’m taking will lead me closer to where I want to be as a person. It most likely won’t be all clear sailing because when I change myself there are adjustments to be made by everyone involved and people – generally speaking – don’t like change.
People spend a lot of time worrying about things that they can’t control. They also perceive things in a way that often makes their lives harder (as in the above cartoon). Both Charlie Brown and Snoopy are telling the truth but which one of them lives a happier life?
I’m not saying that stress doesn’t exist (far from it) or that if we deny our difficulties our lives will be better….. no, what I’m suggesting is that we acknowledge our problems, feel the feelings, if necessary cry, journal, punch a pillow (or whatever safely works best) and then either find some sort of solution or look for the positive or blessings in the situation and focus on those.
There are always positives in a situation even though it may not seem like it at the time. If you can’t find any, ask a friend, family member or coach that you trust to point them out to you.
What you think about is where you are. Choose where you want to be and be there. It requires you to change your thinking though which may take time. Be gentle on yourself.
You’ve got this
p.s. I also send this blog out weekly by email which includes a quick health tip and some good news (as opposed to bad news). If you would like to subscribe please email email@example.com
I decided I was going to work on my self discipline. Where should I start? – I asked myself. There are many areas in my life where I want to be more disciplined.
So in October last year I decided to do one thing every day. I stopped using my phone while getting ready in the morning. I put it far out of my sight and didn’t get involved in checking my emails, facebook, instagram or watzapp while getting ready.
Doing this one thing every day since October (and I’m still doing it) has helped me to get ready faster in the mornings, be on time for appointments, get more work done and even have a chance to eat breakfast before starting my day. The amazing thing is that this one aspect of self discipline has spread into other areas of my life for example saying no to the chocolate bar next to the till (just because it’s there doesn’t mean I have to have it). It’s all about creating habits to move forward.
What one small thing can you do every day that will help you in your quest for self enrichment?
You can spend all your time wishing for something but unless you actually put a step into motion nothing will happen.
It all starts with imagination which is the beginning of something possible happening. After the idea you will need to have the intention of making it happen.
Intention though is not enough on it’s own because an intention without action is just a daydream.
Whatever your goals are, let them be realistic. It’s better to set a goal to exercise once a week than in your excitement saying you will exercise every day because small movements forward are much more likely to be followed through.
Know yourself when you set your goals.
In the Power of Purpose course (starting next Tuesday in Johannesburg) we go into depth with goals, dreams, intentions, action, what’s stopping us and how to change that. We also look at deeper intentions and purpose for our lives. I highly recommend it.
For some of us making decisions is extremely difficult and can paralyse us into doing nothing or lie down staring at the ceiling and talking in tongues ;). From something important like choosing a career to something small and innocuous like choosing what to cook for your guests for dinner. How do we decide what to do?
I was listening to Rabbi Tatz’s lecture on decision making and here are some ideas he shared. I thought they were on point and useful.
When you have to choose between two things for example two job opportunities (we should all be so lucky) but can obviously only take one, which one will you take?
Divide your page into two columns. In one column write JOB 1 and in the second column write JOB 2. Under each column write the pros and cons of each job. (Yes this sounds basic but wait……).
Now, next to each pro and con, put a score out of 10 (see my example below). 10 means it appeals to you and will make a positive difference to your life, 1 means it does not appeal to you and will make a negative difference to your life.
Tea lady brings drinks throughout the day
1 hour drive in peak hour traffic
Fancy coffee machine in a sociable area
6/10 (love fancy coffee)
45 minutes drive in peak hour traffic
The staff seem quite nice
The office I will get has no window
The staff seem motivated and professional
The office I will get I have to share with someone who has strong political ideas 2/10
Not much responsibility
There’s a lot of badmouthing among co-workers
The hours are 9 – 5
High turnover of staff
I would be responsible for 5 people which would be good for my growth and CV
The hours are 9 – 5 but it’s expected for you to work overtime without extra payment
After this evaluation, according to Rabbi Tatz, you would choose the highest total which is JOB 2. Obviously you would go into more depth with the pros and cons – I have only typed up a few examples.
Now here comes something interesting that he says…. If both of them add up to an equal number i.e. 50/50, you just choose any one. You can even flip a coin because in reality they are both equally good for you. That one was a “wow” to me.