Reopening the Door

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funny life door

Life doesn’t always turn out the way we had hoped but it doesn’t mean we can’t still have a life worth living. There are ways to fix things that seem broken.

Let’s take relationships for example. All relationships require that we spend time making them happen. People who live together can be like ships in the night, you see each other in the passage, say good morning and goodnight, maybe even sit together watching tv but you don’t actually spend quality time together.

NOTICING

The first thing to save a situation like this is to NOTICE that it is happening. Once you are aware of the situation you can take steps to make things better.

END IN MIND

Next, decide about how you would like your relationship to be and then work towards that vision.

ACTION

Take steps to make it happen. Some examples: Take time to hear about each other’s day. Help with the dishes or make a meal together once a week. Buy your partner a small gift (it doesn’t have to be expensive, it’s a gesture to show your partner that you thought about them). Give your partner sincere compliments.

RECOGNITION

Recognise all the good they do and acknowledge them for it. Everyone wants to be appreciated for the effort they put in.

PLAY

Have fun together. Do things that you both like doing. Go on dates. Play a song and dance together. Bath the dogs together. Squirt water at each other (keep in mind you must both like water to some extent). Make each other laugh.

FORGIVENESS

Neither of you are going to get it right a lot of the time. Forgive each other for being human and pick it up from where you left off. If there is something huge to forgive then perhaps see someone who can help you do that.

NOTICE

And we are back to the NOTICING again. Notice your partner. Notice when they are sad and let them talk to you or just be there for them. Notice when they are happy and enjoy it and be happy with them. Notice when they need help to hold the ladder. Notice when they can’t open the lid of the bottle.

Relationships are a gift (sometimes it doesn’t feel like it). They are a gift to help us grow, to have connection, to share your life with another person. It’s not something to just let happen. You need to be an active member.

With love

Eve

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15 Minutes

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Relationships can be enjoyable, horrible, stressful, amazing, connecting, separating, draining, life giving.

One of the best eye openers to what goes on in a relationship (any relationship) is when there is a power outage.  Suddenly, there’s no internet, no WhatsApp, no food to cook, no TV.  There’s only candles and LED lights and each other.

To make a relationship work requires that both (but it can start with just one of the couple) makes an effort to connect.  The phones and all other technology can so easily get in the way of that.

Here are a few ways to make a change:

PHONE DOWN
Put your phone down when you see a family member coming towards you or when you hear them walking down the passage.  It makes them feel wanted and noticed.  Give your loved ones a proper greeting when they come home, a hug and a kiss goes a long way to someone feeling loved and appreciated.

FAMILY TIME
Make dinner time a no-phone zone.  Even though it’s difficult to get this to happen it reaps benefits.  There are so many studies which state the benefits of sitting down together as a family to eat dinner.  Maybe that’s your only time together every day so put the phones away.

SOCIAL MEDIA DIET
Facebook, instagram, Youtube are not going to bring you closer to the people you love.  Make time to cook together, declutter together, go out for ice cream or walk the dogs.  That’s what will build real relationships.

15 MINUTES
Studies have shown that in marriages that thrive well, a couple spends an uninterrupted 15 minutes together every day.  15 minutes.

FORGIVENESS
This is all very good and well, however, life happens and it doesn’t always go so easily.  So forgive yourself when you make a mistake but make it better next time.  Forgive your partner for not getting it right too.

Relationships are so necessary to our lives (any type of relationship) yet we often don’t put enough into them.  Decide what is important to you and work towards it.

That’s all.

With love
Eve

What the World Needs

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I really think that if people just stopped and realised that:

  • We are all the same on the inside….
  • We all have needs, problems, sadness, joy,
  • We want to live in peace, have a roof over our heads and food on the table,
  • We want the best for our children,
  • We want to be healthy and well,
  • We want people around us to love, and to love us.

…… We would be less angry, less resentful, less pained.  We would see others and ourselves with eyes of compassion and be kind to them.  We would look after the environment more for the next person and the next generation.  People would think twice about being bad to each other and would choose to be good.  Because at the end of the day, we are all the same.

group hugSo be kind to the next person, let it spread into the world because what this world needs right now is a group hug.

With love
Eve

 

 

What People See

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Displaying “People defined me by my weaknesses rather than my strengths because my weaknesses were all they heard about when I spoke.” (found on Pinterest).

What we say and think about ourselves makes a difference to how people perceive us. If we believe we are unworthy we behave in a certain manner and talk about ourselves in a negative way to others.

Every person has their hangups but the truth is that we each have so many good qualities and we should start to remind ourselves about them.

We need to focus on our good qualities, our good health, our good character, our strengths and talents and people around us will know us for that because that is what we will communicate to others just by being who we are.

With love
Eve

Reflections

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reflections alhambra eveStanding here, reflecting about my year, worrying, was I good enough? Did I do enough? Was I kind? Was I gentle?  Did I reach my expectations of myself?  Did I fail?  Thinking about the times I messed up.

Where to from here?

It’s important to also look at where I did go right.  Where I was kind, where I was gentle, where I helped out, where I reached a goal, where I looked after myself or others, where I gave, where I brought a smile to someone’s face, where I went out of my way.

It helps with self forgiveness and being real about who I am as a human.

Now to grow.

With love
Eve

Pretty Smart

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“The Difference between pretty and beautiful is that pretty is temporal whereas beautiful is eternal” – from the book Sefirot by Rabbi Y Haber.

pretty with lights

The world is so obsessed with physical beauty that it becomes a lifelong struggle for many people to meet those expectations.  Magazines, movies, the Internet and books espouse a certain standard of physical beauty and if you don’t meet that standard there is something sub-standard about you.  This is so wrong.

Aging is also an adjustment because our looks deteriorate out of our control which can be especially hard for people who have natural physical beauty unless they learn to love themselves with the stuff that comes with aging.

We all have our different genes and everybody was created uniquely.  To be happy within ourselves we need to appreciate and approve of ourselves (and others).

We are all beautiful and the more we do to make the world a better place the more our beauty shines out.  If you spend time with someone even for a short period of time you can notice their beauty so brightly that you can be filled with love or joy just looking into their eyes.

Let’s worry less about being pretty and more about being ourselves, bringing out our essence into the world and touching others with that.

Here’s hoping you will experience the beauty in yourself and others this week.

With love

Eve

Becoming Satisfied

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helpful kids 3One of my most well read blogs was the one called “The Trick to Changing Someone”.  People are often dissatisfield with the people they are with or with what they are doing and are hoping that there is a magic formula to change them.

How can we become more satisfied with the people we are with? 

  • Think about the person that you would like to change.
  • Think of what bugs you about them.
  • Do you feel better now?

I doubt it.

Let’s try again.

  • Think about the person that you would like to change.
  • Think of what you like or love about them (there has to be something…. it could be their left eyebrow).
  • Think of what they do for you.  It’s best to write this down for when you need it again.

This last one is tricky.  Often we are so blinded by how irritated we are with the person that we don’t realise what they do for us.  It could be something small and hardly noticeable for example when there is an office party your colleague always brings you a piece of cake; maybe your partner always takes the spoon out of your coffee cup because he/she knows you don’t like to stab yourself in the eye; maybe you hardly notice that your spouse warms up the baby’s food for you without you asking; maybe your teen fills your hot water bottle for you when you ask him; maybe your Housekeeper prepared the veggies for supper because she knew you would be home late.  I could put a hundred examples here of tiny things people do for us that we usually take for granted.

Yes….  they also take you for granted and if you focus on that then you are not going to improve your relationship.  You could talk to them about that but in the meantime if you have a list of what they do for you and why you like or love them you will be able to have a positive outlook and more loving feeling towards them when you are in their space and this gives you the motivation to work on the relationship.

Why does it have to be me who always makes the changes you may ask?  Relationships weren’t designed to be flawless, perfect things.  They can help us grow into strong, loving, kind human beings or bitter and twisted people who hate.

People (secretly or not secretly) need to be recognised for what they do and if we ignore what they do for us neither of us benefit.  Let’s take notice of what people do for us (no matter how small) and remember to thank them for it.  When you recognise and appreciate someone they are likely to do more.

Thank you for reading my blog, it makes it worth writing.

Wishing you the best

Eve