Reopening the Door

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funny life door

Life doesn’t always turn out the way we had hoped but it doesn’t mean we can’t still have a life worth living. There are ways to fix things that seem broken.

Let’s take relationships for example. All relationships require that we spend time making them happen. People who live together can be like ships in the night, you see each other in the passage, say good morning and goodnight, maybe even sit together watching tv but you don’t actually spend quality time together.

NOTICING

The first thing to save a situation like this is to NOTICE that it is happening. Once you are aware of the situation you can take steps to make things better.

END IN MIND

Next, decide about how you would like your relationship to be and then work towards that vision.

ACTION

Take steps to make it happen. Some examples: Take time to hear about each other’s day. Help with the dishes or make a meal together once a week. Buy your partner a small gift (it doesn’t have to be expensive, it’s a gesture to show your partner that you thought about them). Give your partner sincere compliments.

RECOGNITION

Recognise all the good they do and acknowledge them for it. Everyone wants to be appreciated for the effort they put in.

PLAY

Have fun together. Do things that you both like doing. Go on dates. Play a song and dance together. Bath the dogs together. Squirt water at each other (keep in mind you must both like water to some extent). Make each other laugh.

FORGIVENESS

Neither of you are going to get it right a lot of the time. Forgive each other for being human and pick it up from where you left off. If there is something huge to forgive then perhaps see someone who can help you do that.

NOTICE

And we are back to the NOTICING again. Notice your partner. Notice when they are sad and let them talk to you or just be there for them. Notice when they are happy and enjoy it and be happy with them. Notice when they need help to hold the ladder. Notice when they can’t open the lid of the bottle.

Relationships are a gift (sometimes it doesn’t feel like it). They are a gift to help us grow, to have connection, to share your life with another person. It’s not something to just let happen. You need to be an active member.

With love

Eve

For online coaching please contact me with a simple click.

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15 Minutes

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Relationships can be enjoyable, horrible, stressful, amazing, connecting, separating, draining, life giving.

One of the best eye openers to what goes on in a relationship (any relationship) is when there is a power outage.  Suddenly, there’s no internet, no WhatsApp, no food to cook, no TV.  There’s only candles and LED lights and each other.

To make a relationship work requires that both (but it can start with just one of the couple) makes an effort to connect.  The phones and all other technology can so easily get in the way of that.

Here are a few ways to make a change:

PHONE DOWN
Put your phone down when you see a family member coming towards you or when you hear them walking down the passage.  It makes them feel wanted and noticed.  Give your loved ones a proper greeting when they come home, a hug and a kiss goes a long way to someone feeling loved and appreciated.

FAMILY TIME
Make dinner time a no-phone zone.  Even though it’s difficult to get this to happen it reaps benefits.  There are so many studies which state the benefits of sitting down together as a family to eat dinner.  Maybe that’s your only time together every day so put the phones away.

SOCIAL MEDIA DIET
Facebook, instagram, Youtube are not going to bring you closer to the people you love.  Make time to cook together, declutter together, go out for ice cream or walk the dogs.  That’s what will build real relationships.

15 MINUTES
Studies have shown that in marriages that thrive well, a couple spends an uninterrupted 15 minutes together every day.  15 minutes.

FORGIVENESS
This is all very good and well, however, life happens and it doesn’t always go so easily.  So forgive yourself when you make a mistake but make it better next time.  Forgive your partner for not getting it right too.

Relationships are so necessary to our lives (any type of relationship) yet we often don’t put enough into them.  Decide what is important to you and work towards it.

That’s all.

With love
Eve

What the World Needs

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I really think that if people just stopped and realised that:

  • We are all the same on the inside….
  • We all have needs, problems, sadness, joy,
  • We want to live in peace, have a roof over our heads and food on the table,
  • We want the best for our children,
  • We want to be healthy and well,
  • We want people around us to love, and to love us.

…… We would be less angry, less resentful, less pained.  We would see others and ourselves with eyes of compassion and be kind to them.  We would look after the environment more for the next person and the next generation.  People would think twice about being bad to each other and would choose to be good.  Because at the end of the day, we are all the same.

group hugSo be kind to the next person, let it spread into the world because what this world needs right now is a group hug.

With love
Eve

 

 

Real Life

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real life vs instagram

Remember people only post what they want you to see on their instagram or facebook pages.

Somebody’s amazing marriage or perfect children, fabulous home, high powered job in real life is also filled with angst just like your life is.  What you see (on facebook and instagram) is not what you get.  Nobody’s life is picture perfect.  Nobody smiles all the time.

Be thankful for the life you have and love it for what it is.

With love
Eve

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p.s. So excited that my products are finally here!  For South Africans only at the moment.

Good Moodles

Siri, remove my make up

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movement stretchingThese days so much happens without effort that it takes effort to move.

Movement…..

  • Lifts our mood and can be as effective as medication for depression (says Harvard medical research).
  • Improves circulation and thereby increases energy – go figure.
  • Boosts the immune system.
  • If you are struggling to concentrate or your body is sore from sitting too long, moving around does wonders and can get you back on track.
  • Helps with digestion because it keeps the muscles in our digestive system working well and releases toxins through perspiration.
  • Moving with someone (e.g. walking) improves relationships and increases the happy chemicals in your brain, leaving you on a high even if you have only walked for a short time.

There are so many different ways to move – dancing, cycling, nia, ballet, climbing stairs, martial art, walking, running, housework, boxing, gym, yoga plus many more.  If you don’t have a huge budget then walking or running are great because all you need is a pair of shoes.

I read somewhere that Social Scientists have found that as more people take to the streets, neighbourhood crime rates fall and the local economy improves.  If that is true then we have a responsibility here people! (Lol)

Walking with your children promotes better communication, reduces behaviour issues and improves academic performance (that’s also from Harvard medical research).

Moving helps us to live more comfortably in our bodies and minds.

It’s self care.

With love

Eve

 

Becoming Satisfied

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helpful kids 3One of my most well read blogs was the one called “The Trick to Changing Someone”.  People are often dissatisfield with the people they are with or with what they are doing and are hoping that there is a magic formula to change them.

How can we become more satisfied with the people we are with? 

  • Think about the person that you would like to change.
  • Think of what bugs you about them.
  • Do you feel better now?

I doubt it.

Let’s try again.

  • Think about the person that you would like to change.
  • Think of what you like or love about them (there has to be something…. it could be their left eyebrow).
  • Think of what they do for you.  It’s best to write this down for when you need it again.

This last one is tricky.  Often we are so blinded by how irritated we are with the person that we don’t realise what they do for us.  It could be something small and hardly noticeable for example when there is an office party your colleague always brings you a piece of cake; maybe your partner always takes the spoon out of your coffee cup because he/she knows you don’t like to stab yourself in the eye; maybe you hardly notice that your spouse warms up the baby’s food for you without you asking; maybe your teen fills your hot water bottle for you when you ask him; maybe your Housekeeper prepared the veggies for supper because she knew you would be home late.  I could put a hundred examples here of tiny things people do for us that we usually take for granted.

Yes….  they also take you for granted and if you focus on that then you are not going to improve your relationship.  You could talk to them about that but in the meantime if you have a list of what they do for you and why you like or love them you will be able to have a positive outlook and more loving feeling towards them when you are in their space and this gives you the motivation to work on the relationship.

Why does it have to be me who always makes the changes you may ask?  Relationships weren’t designed to be flawless, perfect things.  They can help us grow into strong, loving, kind human beings or bitter and twisted people who hate.

People (secretly or not secretly) need to be recognised for what they do and if we ignore what they do for us neither of us benefit.  Let’s take notice of what people do for us (no matter how small) and remember to thank them for it.  When you recognise and appreciate someone they are likely to do more.

Thank you for reading my blog, it makes it worth writing.

Wishing you the best

Eve

The Trick to Changing Someone

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carl jung quotes | finding peace of mind | mindfulness techniques | emotional resilience | deal with feelings | acceptance and commitment therapy

So-and-so is important to you and is a really nice person, has lots of good traits but is sometimes a pain in the neck and doesn’t do what you wish they would. You may be tempted to change them only to find that even if they did make some changes, those changes don’t last very long.

The trick to changing someone is….. drumroll …………….

Changing yourself.

Lori Palatnik (author and speaker) says that children are born with their main personalities in place.  If that is true then how much more so for adults who have been living for quite a long time – i.e. they are set in their ways.

When we want someone to change we have to do to them what we want them to do for us.  If you want someone to pay attention to you, you need to pay attention to them first.  If you want someone to be kind to you, you have to be kind to them first.  It may sound annoying to even think that this is the case but it works.

Just try it for two weeks and see the results.  Every person in a relationship is a separate entity.  Each person comes from their own perspective and believes that they are the wronged or suffering one.  If you want change it has to come from you.  Then change happens.

Talking doesn’t always work.  Action works better.

With love
Eve

 

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Eve Marks is a Fulfillment Coach and Artist.