Drawing the Line

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boundaries - self careWhat I’ve realised about boundaries in the last few years is that people who get upset about others’ boundaries would never think twice about keeping their own.

Setting boundaries is a matter of self respect.  It’s about saying YES to you.

If you struggle with boundary setting you will most likely find yourself saying yes even when you want to say no.  You probably put everyone else first even when you are burnt out, exhausted and resentful.

Some people seem to have no qualms about overstepping or plain ignoring your boundaries – however if you have allowed these boundaries for a long time they may not even realise that they are doing so.

If you want certain boundaries you have to set them first.  Unfortunately nobody can read your mind.  Unless you tell people or demonstrate your wishes and make them clear, people will continue to do what they have always been doing.

Do you know where your boundaries are?  Maybe you haven’t really thought about it.  Ask yourself what you are and are not willing to accept.  Once you know what your boundaries are you can begin to put them in place.

boundaries - fence with rosesBe firm and consistent.  It won’t change overnight and may even cause friction at first especially if you have been allowing certain behaviours for a long time.  When the person realises that you mean business their behaviour will slowly start to change.  Remember if you’ve been allowing someone to treat you a certain way for 20 years, it will take time to undo.

Caring about yourself is a necessity, you’re the only person who can.  Excess stress can make you ill and caring about your well-being is imperative to being healthy.

Be kind to yourself and others.

With love
Eve

Recovery from Drudgery

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change your own world - barbwire turning into birdsSteve Jobs said:  “The only way to do great work is to love what you do.  If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking, don’t settle.”

So how do you do great work if you don’t love what you do?

Find a way to love or at least like a part of it. Here are a few ideas.

* Have a purpose for what you are doing.  Decide what it is you are going for – (If you haven’t done the Power of Purpose course you may wish to consider it as an option).
* Write a list of what you like about your work – maybe it’s the people or the coffee or the view out of your window or the organising.
* Write a list of what you dislike about your job.  Now take that list and try and find ways to change a few of them.
* Why are you doing what you are doing?  Your answers may give you clarity.
thoughts - there is always a way* If you are struggling with relationships at work consider getting a coach to help you through.
* Make a difference in someone else’s life at work.  Giving of yourself to others – even if it’s a pleasant smile or a heartfelt ear – builds you up as well as being pleasurable.
* If you have an opportunity to work towards what you really want in your life then set a goal and start working towards it.   The best time to begin was 5 years ago but if you didn’t, then begin now.

Keep in mind that even if you start off doing what you really love, it can still become drudgery and “just a job” if you don’t add purpose to it.

Wishing you well

Eve

Impressive or not?

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Transformation - who would you impress

Interesting question……
o
The truth (to me) is that it’s not about impressing people, it’s about being the best you can be in this world.  It can be completely anonymous and very quiet.  No-one needs to know.  Just be yourself, use your gifts, and be a good person.  Forgive yourself when you make mistakes.  Don’t try too hard to be noticed or to impress people.  Impress yourself.
People will love the real you.

That’s all.

With love
Eve

The Peach and the Pear

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peachYesterday I was sitting eating a bowl of fruit for breakfast.

The first bite of the pear was lovely.  I tasted that real pear flavour and felt the grainy pear texture.  After that bite I was staring into space thinking about everything that I could think of, things that I had to be doing, things that I had to say to people and it was filling my mind.

Before I knew it, the pear was finished and I hadn’t even noticed eating it which was quite disappointing because it was really a beautiful pear!

I sliced into my cling peach next. I noticed the colour – at least two different shades of orange.  At that moment I decided to eat the peach consciously.

Sonotice-dr-seuss I stopped thinking about everything that has to be done and I ate my peach with concentration.  It was sweet and juicy, delicious, the colours so bright.  I was suddenly struck by the miracle of it.  This peach is amazing!  It has been plucked off a tree!

I marveled at how the world and everything in it has been created with such beauty and functionality.  Wow.

All that for a peach that I took the time to notice.  I encourage you to try this sometimes and don’t stop at fruit, take notice of people too.

I wish you a beautiful day.

Eve

Finding Cape Town in Joburg

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scarborough-beachI had the privilege of a four day holiday in Cape Town with my husband.  I really needed this holiday and loved and made the most of almost every minute of it.  My husband had a milestone birthday and between the two of us we decided to explore Cape Town and do some things we hadn’t ever done before.  So we found quaint little places to have tea, had a scrumptious picnic on Chapman’s peak drive and found the most beautiful beach ever in Scarborough.   We even went to a museum (something we hardly ever do).  When it was time to come back to Joburg I had tears in my eyes and really wasn’t ready to leave magnificent Cape Town.   How can one compare the beauty?

When I was back in Joburg I decided that instead of lamenting the “loss”, I would make a concerted effort to find what I had in Cape Town back here in Joburg.

What did I have there?  Scenic walks and drives, fresh air, quality time, picnics, touching horses, being a foot away from a big crab, soft sand, watching dogs play……  I can find those things here too (except for the crab of course).  Obviously I won’t have the sea and the mountains and those specific types of clouds but we also have mountains nearby, lakes and dams and big parks and potential picnics.  I’ve decided that this year I’m going to make time for these things.

It’s not just a new year’s resolution, it’s a conscious decision to bring more quality into the leisure area of my life and not just let it whittle away and disappear.*

Wishing you a fantastic 2017!

With love
Eve

*Last chance to book for the Power of Purpose which starts on 7 February 2017.  Find your purpose in different areas of your life and make it happen.

Making Memories

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playing-hide-and-seek-fingers-on-lipsI read a post this morning by a woman whose son had been very ill for a long time and who had to receive an organ transplant.  This woman wrote about her experiences as the mother of her child and how stressful, scary and sickening (she writes that she became sick from worry – yes it’s a real thing) the whole experience was and how grateful she is now that her son who finally received the organ that he so desperately needed is able to start living his life again.

I thought about them while I was driving around fetching kids and how now that it is glorious December we have so many opportunities to make happy memories.  With the world being so small and everyone living in everyone’s pockets (with cellphone messages pinging every few minutes or seconds even) we know a lot more that goes on in peoples’ lives than we ever did before and it can be very disturbing to see how many people are suffering.  However, we can take stock and make a decision to live our lives the best way we can.  There is no guarantee for the future for anybody, we don’t know what the future holds so instead of worrying about it – which is easy to do – let’s make memories.  Let’s live every day to the fullest.  Focus on our loves.

Holiday time (whether you are going away on a vacation or staying home) is a time to regroup, reconnect and reinvest yourself in your life.  Don’t let it pass you by.  Don’t waste it.

playing-the-fortcandlelight-dinnerPut on the candles, switch off the electricity, switch off the wifi.  Connect, play games, talk.

Remember the times when you played General Knowledge?  Hangman?  I spy?  Hide and Seek?  Do it again now even if it’s just you and one other person.  “They” say the best things in life are free…. Well they are.  These things are free, you don’t need any money to sit together and be with each other.

Make those memories this holiday and rest.  Relax and have fun.  Soak up the sun (or the snow if you are up North – because that is also beautiful albeit cold).  Just BE together.

If you don’t have anyone to be with, find a place to volunteer.  There are many many people in old aged homes who are lonely and don’t have anyone to talk to this holiday.  Sit and have a cup of coffee with someone there and let them tell you about their life.  You will be enriched.  You can share your wisdom and let them share theirs.  There’s just no telling what can happen, you could even make a new friend.

I am signing my blog off until January when the schools go back so that I can also go and rest my bones and make some memories.

I wish you a wonderful end of year and a brilliant 2017.

You are special to me, beautiful reader.
Warmest regards

Eve

My Perfect Partner

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perfect-partner-statueAt some stage of your life you have probably looked at other peoples’ relationships and thought “Wow, they look so happy all the time / respectful of each other / in love / thoughtful / romantic”.

That’s the part of their relationship that they show to the world.  The rest is hidden.

Most peoples’ ideal partner is based on unrealistic expectations which come from stories, movies, songs and books.

So, is there a perfect partner?

Yes.  In front of you.

Look at the person you are with because that is most likely your perfect partner, the one that’s right for you to help you grow and become a better human**.

The way to realise the perfection of your partner is to firstly love and accept yourself as you are and then do the same for your partner.  Love and accept them as they are.  If you make this choice to work on your relationship you will notice how gratifying it is when things work out well.

Relationships never happen in a straight line.
Sometimes they are easy and sometimes they are hard.  Every relationship requires effort and self growth.

Think about what you want in this relationship and then make it happen.  If you want flowers but your partner is not that way inclined there is no point in getting upset about it because that won’t change things at all.  Ask for the flowers so that you get them.  If you want more talk time together, initiate it. Let your partner know how important they are to you and how when you spend time with them you feel loved.  If you want to be more appreciated, show appreciation for him/her.  Take a look at yourself and be honest.  How often do you really show appreciation for your partner?

The perfect partner is most likely the one you’ve got.  The perfect person however, does not exist.

I wish you a week of growth and love, accepting your partner for who he or she is, noticing the beauty in their eyes and realising how lucky you really are.

With love
Eve

**I’m not referring to abusive relationships

If you are not currently in a romantic relationship this can also apply to any type of relationship in your life.