Real Life

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real life vs instagram

Remember people only post what they want you to see on their instagram or facebook pages.

Somebody’s amazing marriage or perfect children, fabulous home, high powered job in real life is also filled with angst just like your life is.  What you see (on facebook and instagram) is not what you get.  Nobody’s life is picture perfect.  Nobody smiles all the time.

Be thankful for the life you have and love it for what it is.

With love
Eve

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p.s. So excited that my products are finally here!  For South Africans only at the moment.

Good Moodles

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Siri, remove my make up

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movement stretchingThese days so much happens without effort that it takes effort to move.

Movement…..

  • Lifts our mood and can be as effective as medication for depression (says Harvard medical research).
  • Improves circulation and thereby increases energy – go figure.
  • Boosts the immune system.
  • If you are struggling to concentrate or your body is sore from sitting too long, moving around does wonders and can get you back on track.
  • Helps with digestion because it keeps the muscles in our digestive system working well and releases toxins through perspiration.
  • Moving with someone (e.g. walking) improves relationships and increases the happy chemicals in your brain, leaving you on a high even if you have only walked for a short time.

There are so many different ways to move – dancing, cycling, nia, ballet, climbing stairs, martial art, walking, running, housework, boxing, gym, yoga plus many more.  If you don’t have a huge budget then walking or running are great because all you need is a pair of shoes.

I read somewhere that Social Scientists have found that as more people take to the streets, neighbourhood crime rates fall and the local economy improves.  If that is true then we have a responsibility here people! (Lol)

Walking with your children promotes better communication, reduces behaviour issues and improves academic performance (that’s also from Harvard medical research).

Moving helps us to live more comfortably in our bodies and minds.

It’s self care.

With love

Eve

 

Becoming Satisfied

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helpful kids 3One of my most well read blogs was the one called “The Trick to Changing Someone”.  People are often dissatisfield with the people they are with or with what they are doing and are hoping that there is a magic formula to change them.

How can we become more satisfied with the people we are with? 

  • Think about the person that you would like to change.
  • Think of what bugs you about them.
  • Do you feel better now?

I doubt it.

Let’s try again.

  • Think about the person that you would like to change.
  • Think of what you like or love about them (there has to be something…. it could be their left eyebrow).
  • Think of what they do for you.  It’s best to write this down for when you need it again.

This last one is tricky.  Often we are so blinded by how irritated we are with the person that we don’t realise what they do for us.  It could be something small and hardly noticeable for example when there is an office party your colleague always brings you a piece of cake; maybe your partner always takes the spoon out of your coffee cup because he/she knows you don’t like to stab yourself in the eye; maybe you hardly notice that your spouse warms up the baby’s food for you without you asking; maybe your teen fills your hot water bottle for you when you ask him; maybe your Housekeeper prepared the veggies for supper because she knew you would be home late.  I could put a hundred examples here of tiny things people do for us that we usually take for granted.

Yes….  they also take you for granted and if you focus on that then you are not going to improve your relationship.  You could talk to them about that but in the meantime if you have a list of what they do for you and why you like or love them you will be able to have a positive outlook and more loving feeling towards them when you are in their space and this gives you the motivation to work on the relationship.

Why does it have to be me who always makes the changes you may ask?  Relationships weren’t designed to be flawless, perfect things.  They can help us grow into strong, loving, kind human beings or bitter and twisted people who hate.

People (secretly or not secretly) need to be recognised for what they do and if we ignore what they do for us neither of us benefit.  Let’s take notice of what people do for us (no matter how small) and remember to thank them for it.  When you recognise and appreciate someone they are likely to do more.

Thank you for reading my blog, it makes it worth writing.

Wishing you the best

Eve

The Trick to Changing Someone

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carl jung quotes | finding peace of mind | mindfulness techniques | emotional resilience | deal with feelings | acceptance and commitment therapy

So-and-so is important to you and is a really nice person, has lots of good traits but is sometimes a pain in the neck and doesn’t do what you wish they would. You may be tempted to change them only to find that even if they did make some changes, those changes don’t last very long.

The trick to changing someone is….. drumroll …………….

Changing yourself.

Lori Palatnik (author and speaker) says that children are born with their main personalities in place.  If that is true then how much more so for adults who have been living for quite a long time – i.e. they are set in their ways.

When we want someone to change we have to do to them what we want them to do for us.  If you want someone to pay attention to you, you need to pay attention to them first.  If you want someone to be kind to you, you have to be kind to them first.  It may sound annoying to even think that this is the case but it works.

Just try it for two weeks and see the results.  Every person in a relationship is a separate entity.  Each person comes from their own perspective and believes that they are the wronged or suffering one.  If you want change it has to come from you.  Then change happens.

Talking doesn’t always work.  Action works better.

With love
Eve

 

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Eve Marks is a Fulfillment Coach and Artist.

The Opposite of Love isn’t Hate

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ignored

Elie Wiesel wrote, “The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference.”

Apparently there are have been scientific studies which prove that the brain registers as physical pain when a person is being ignored.  I have read a couple of articles on it but I don’t have the scientific sources.  If it is true though, why do we feel so much pain at being ignored and what can we do about it?

Silence can feel like a dignified, high road response but the silence is really saying a lot.  It’s also a way to inflict pain without fighting.  It’s a type of passive aggressive behaviour.

When someone ignores you how do you feel?  Angry?  Hurt?  Irritated?  Sad?

When we are ignored we start to think all sorts of things about ourselves such as:

  • They don’t like me
  • I’m unloveable
  • People always ignore me
  • I am invisible
  • Fill your own in here ………………

These type of thoughts and  beliefs we have create the pain we feel.

What can we do?

Ask yourself questions.  For example: 

  • Is it true that I am invisible? (No it’s not because if you turn to someone and ask them they will verify that you are visible to them).
  • Is it true that they don’t like me?  (Well unless you ask them you will never really know).
  • Do I need to care that they don’t like me?  (Well do you?)
  • Can I be myself no matter what? (It may be hard but chances are you can give yourself the permission to be yourself).
  • If someone ignores me am I unloveable?  (No.)

Affirm yourself with words of love:

  • I am a loveable, visible human being.
  • My worth is not measured by these particular people.
  • There are people who take notice of what I say.

The bottom line is that yes, being ignored is hurtful but it doesn’t mean you are not a beautiful, worthy human being.  You just need to remind yourself of that and try not to let others affect your beliefs about yourself and the world.  Keep in mind that we inflict this kind of pain on others too and it is good to be aware of our own behaviour and to rectify it in some way.

Was this article helpful to you?

If you wish to book a consultation to deal with this type of problem in a more in depth and personal way please feel free to contact me by clicking here.

With love
Eve

Help Offered

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Displaying

3 weeks ago I was happily walking the dogs when I stepped into a hole and twisted my ankle.  I tore a ligament and have since been on crutches and in a moon boot.  Firstly I want to praise the inventor of the moon boot because it allowed me to be reasonably mobile at home.

Last week I was finally able to go shopping.  First I went to Moishes butchery (while my hubby who had dropped me there went to buy dogfood) and I was standing in the queue when I saw that the teller looked at my foot and was frowning.  When I got to her till she said to me that I shouldn’t have waited in the queue, next time I should just come to the front of the queue.  She then called the security officer to take my packets to the car for me which he duly did.

My hubby then dropped me at Woolies in Norwood and I was quite sure I would manage on my own and would catch an Uber back home.  While looking at the fresh produce a tall, gentle looking staff member named Bafana offered to push my trolley for me while I shopped.  I was so taken aback and felt very grateful for his offer but decided to do it myself as I knew that I would probably take quite long and didn’t want to use up his time.  It was actually quite challenging as I had to push the trolley with my tummy and it’s quite awkward reaching for items and then putting them in the trolley while walking with both crutches.  Bafana came to check on me halfway through my shopping and told me he really wanted to help me and suggested that I ask him next time.  My hubby fetched me as he had already finished all he had to do while I was in Woolies!  I told you I would take long.

Even though I could have relied on those people and it probably would have been wiser to do so, I was tired yet elated when I got home.  I was so amazed by the kindness of these strangers.  They had genuine care in their eyes.  It did not seem to be just a matter of being a good employee, they sincerely wanted to be of help.

I had to take a backseat these three weeks and let other people do things for me which is harder than you would think.  Sitting back and letting others do the work is not my default setting.  I would like to thank my family for making me feel comfortable and allowing me the time I needed to heal.  I have written to the shops to praise their staff members and hope that they get recognised in some way.

The kindness of strangers happens more than we think.  Let’s spread stories of kindness as much as possible.  I think we all need a little bit of sun.

Wishing you well
Eve

Dear Not Clever Enough…

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what if you flySomeone wrote to me the other day and mentioned that they are struggling to take the next step in their life because they are not confident and feel as though they are not clever enough.

What makes a person clever enough?

There are billions of people in the world.  Some are more clever and some are less clever but if we feel inferior then we will always look at the ones who are more clever than us and compare ourselves to them (which of course makes us believe we are stupid).  What does this do to help us move forward in life?

N.O.T.H.I.N.G.

You are cleverer than you think, more beautiful than you believe, more capable than you can imagine.  If you allow your old messages of not being good enough to dictate your life then you will struggle to move forward.  It’s time to leave those limiting beliefs behind you and fulfill your potential.

If this is something you find hard to do on your own I can help you with this.

I wish you well.

Eve