Seeing yourself with Loving Eyes

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self-love-what-you-see“They” say – Love is in the eyes of the beholder.  To me this means it doesn’t matter what you are like because if somebody loves you they will not notice your flaws or at the very least they will ignore them because they love you so much it won’t matter.

What about you?  Can you look at yourself and see someone beautiful?  Someone kind, loving, loveable, capable, strong, courageous?

It’s easier to love someone else and ignore their flaws than your own.

However, don’t despair, loving yourself is a skill that can be developed and it’s to your advantage to work at it.

When you live each day like the one before and don’t grow yourself you will most likely notice that you are unhappy or uneasy.  Those uncomfortable feelings are a sign to you that it’s time to do some inner work.

How to start

Look at yourself and what you say and do with loving eyes – the way you would do if you were looking at someone else that you love.  If you are able to do this, you will start to be less hard on yourself, be more forgiving towards yourself, get up after you fall down, not worry about others’ opinions, be more free.

eyes-grapefruitsMay you have a week where you remember how amazing you really are.

Eve

Feeding the Baboons

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fears-feed-the-fearsWhen holidaying near wild life you will see many signs saying “please do not feed the monkeys / baboons” and you still see people doing it.  There are notices saying that if the baboons get used to human food they become dangerous as they will do anything to get that food when they want it, yet people still feed them.  The notice says that when the baboons get dangerous they will be shot and yet people still feed them.  It’s very upsetting.

Feeding your fears is something like feeding the monkeys.  The more you feed your fears the more fearful you get and the less you are able to cope in various situations.  Your fears start to take over and before you know it you are living according to your fears.  Rational thought goes out the window and anxiety is the order of the day.

The acronym for F.E.A.R is False Evidence Appearing Real.

baboonWhat this means is that what you think is going to happen seems as though it is really going to happen and therefore you believe it to be real.  The mind doesn’t know whether it is real or not so it starts to send off hormones to alert the body of danger.  However, if you think about it carefully you will notice that most of our fears are unfounded.  Most worries never happen.

If we focus all our energy on what we fear, it could eventually come true because what we focus on expands and if we are living our fear then it can start to become real for us.

If you think you are broke (even if you have enough money to survive), you will always feel broke.  I met a woman once who was complaining about her lack of money and material wealth.  When I was invited to her house for a party I couldn’t believe the size of the house!  Seriously, it was one of the biggest houses that I had seen in the area.  However, in her mind she didn’t have enough and she feared that she would never have enough and so even though she was living a life of abundance she didn’t see it for herself and always felt “poor”.

People have fears about all sorts of things and it is actually like living in a prison.  They can’t move forward or even sideways.  They just stay in one place, afraid of what the future will bring (and the future could be tomorrow or in an hour’s time).

At one stage I was really petrified of the security situation in our country.  I had been the victim of crime previously and I couldn’t sleep at night.  I spent each night fearing the worst.  A good friend of mine suggested that I look at the facts.  The facts were we had various security measures in place so I wrote down a list of all these security measures and after that I felt a lot better.  I use that tool now and again when I need it.

Fear can appear real but it’s nearly always about the future and we can’t know what the future will bring.

So instead of feeding your fears, look at the facts and focus on that instead.

With love

Eve

#stressmustfall

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burnout-you-can-do-anything-but-not-everythingYou don’t have to do everything yourself.  There may be tons to done but you don’t have to be a martyr or a hero and do it all.  Ask for the support you need.

At work delegate a task to someone else.  At home ask your family to get involved.  It’s excellent to teach your children these skills anyway.  You may have to let go of the need to control the situation because it might not turn out exactly as you had anticipated but you could find a lot of satisfaction, camaraderie and connection by letting others get involved.

Why do you choose to take on most (if not all) of the work?  Could you be trying to please people?  Do you think you are the only one who can do a proper job?  Do you want to receive all the praise?  Do you get too many arguments when you ask for help and so it’s just easier to get it done yourself?  Is there more mess afterwards if others do it?

If you take on too much it becomes exhausting and stressful.  Let go of high expectations, give good instructions and check how they are managing from time to time.  The letting go will involve some trust.  They may not do it exactly your way but it might come out perfectly well.  In fact you could be pleasantly surprised.

helpful-kids-2If others don’t want to co-operate (for example your children) you may need to make it more fun.  Turn the task into a game or a race.

If you do everything by yourself, you become depleted, tired and moody.  It’s not pleasant for you or anyone around you.  Do yourself a favour and give some of it up to someone else.  Put your feet up a bit and relax (and don’t feel guilty about it) or just slow down somewhat.

Remember to say thank you (even if the job turns out less than perfect).

Warmest regards

Eve

Closing the Gap

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What is the word that actually describes your life?  What is the word you wish described your life?  How are you going to get closer to the life you wish for?

In order to write this for you I had to make it personal so that you would glean from my example.  So  here goes….

The word that describes my life right now is swamped.  How would I like it to be?  Flowing.

Funny that both those words have reference to water.  Swamped feels exactly as it sounds, bogged down, difficult to get out of, overwhelming, too much to do.  Flowing is peaceful, things going according to plan, doing what feels right, not taking on too much, dancing movements, glittering beauty (okay, I’m getting carried away because I really want to be on holiday right now).

Firstly it’s important to note that the words that I have used to describe my current state are all beliefs.   Are they true?  Well not really.   They are just thoughts, a state of mind.  If I believe my life is overwhelming then it really seems overwhelming and then that’s what it is.  Overwhelming.  Too much to do?  How do I know how much is too much to do?  This may be hard to comprehend right now but believe me, it is very freeing when you are able to differentiate between the truth and what you think is the truth.  I had a look at some pictures of swamps and believe me that is not what my life looks like (thank G-d) – but I have been thinking it is!

How am I going to close the gap?

I will look in my diary when something comes up and  I will ask myself if it is necessary, if it is doable, if it is something I really want or if I am doing it for other reasons such as people pleasing or fame and fortune.

I will make extra time for traveling in my diary.  Sometimes I forget to do this and then find myself rushing from place to place because I haven’t added the traveling time into my day.  It is so much more peaceful when I can drive to place and sing at the same time instead of sweating from the stress of trying not to be too late.

I will forgive myself for being human.  If I set a certain amount of goals and can only reach a few of them, I will remind myself that I am human and can only do so much.  If I overburden myself with negative criticism it’s no wonder I believe I’m overwhelmed because not only am I rushing and not managing to fulfill my expectations of myself but I am also adding harsh words to the mix.

I will make time for the things that are a priority in my life.  Sometimes we forget what we are aiming for.  We lose sight of our purpose.  If I refocus I will be able to say no to invitations that come up and only choose the ones that talk to my higher purposes.

I will make time for myself to relax.  How can I even do any of the above if I don’t make time to relax and nurture myself?  That means making proper food and not eating on the run, spending time lying or walking on the grass, having naps, going out on a date with myself (now and then), treating myself like I would treat anybody else, with courtesy and kindness.

Wishing you a beautiful week of seeing what’s really happening in your life and making steps to close the gap.

I would love to hear the words you chose and some of your ideas on how you are going to close your gap.

With love
Eve

 

 

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The wound is the place where the light enters you – Rumi

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dark - stars with treesThere can be no light without darkness, no morning without night, no up without down, no full without empty, we can’t see the stars unless it’s dark …..

During adversity and our toughest moments we get to make a choice.  What am I going to do with this?  How am I going to make it work?  How am I going to make things better?  Am I going to let the darkness fully descend on me and let myself fall apart?

Rumi says the wound is the place where the light enters you but I think we need to allow the light in.  We can close the shutters and stay in the dark or we can open them and be momentarily blinded by the light until we adjust to the circumstances.

If we allow the light (the solutions, other people, G-d, hope, laughter) into our lives, we can begin to heal.

In my own life when I am going through a challenge if I let the light in, people I am with seem more important than ever and together we look for solutions and become closer in the process.

Thriving instead of just surviving can be accomplished even in tough situations.  I’ve seen it with people I know, seemingly insurmountable problems are overcome and even though it’s not easy for them, they learn to accept what is and learn to include it in their lives and find a way to manage.  I’m inspired by those people.

None of us are immune to life’s complications.  If you find it hard to figure it out yourself look for a counsellor, a coach or a trusted friend to help you step into hope.  Sometimes all we need is a hand or kind wise words to pull us into the direction of being able to save ourselves.

If we are open to it, seemingly “coincidental” things occur – people that we need suddenly arrive into our lives, a song is played on the radio with the words we need to hear, we come across a quote on Pinterest that exactly hits the spot.  These things are not coincidences, they are moments of Light to help us along the way.

It can get worse before it gets better, however being honest with ourselves and facing the wounds will help to manifest the light in and around us, expanding us and bringing us to a whole new conscious way of being.

May you be blessed with finding easy ways out of your challenges.

Eve


To find out what type of coaching I do please visit my Facebook page @evemarkshealing by clicking here.

Only 90 times!

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purpose - 90 years and call it life When I saw this quote I had a moment of shock.  If we have the opportunity to live to 90 or above, let’s use 90 as an example… then we only have 90 times to do a year.  It may seem obvious to you but to me it was one of those aha moments that Oprah talks about.  Only 90 times to try it over.  Only 90 times to do whatever it is I’m trying to do. That’s so little!  If I only have 90 times I want to make those times count.  Keeping in mind we don’t all get 90 times.

This post is not meant to be morbid, it’s meant to wake us.

What do I want to be doing?

Some people have a bucket list, I prefer to call mine “exciting things to do in my life at some stage” list but those things might take years to achieve.  So I have a “meaningful priority list” which is for everyday use (it’s not necessarily written down).  I feel frustrated with myself if a day ends and I haven’t done at least one thing in my “meaningful priority” list.

What have I done today to be proud of?

I think the key for me is to look at what is important in my life and to make sure I do one or some of those. I learned some skills on the Power of Purpose in this regard (click for more info).

Yes, our days are often filled with seemingly meaningless or routine tasks like sitting in traffic, cleaning up, standing in queues.  That’s the way it is.  However, if we see them as meaningless they will be.  But if we can somehow figure how to put them into our “meaningful priorities” list we can change them and the way we feel about them.

purpose - elderly couple eating ice creamHow can we do this?

We can gripe and groan about standing in the queue or we can make conversation with a fellow queue member or use the time to text a friend who is in need of some love.  We can hate the traffic or we can use it as a time to listen to a really good podcast or some favourite music or greet the people along the way with a smile making their days – and by the way, making someone else’s day often makes yours.

We can sit watching movies or series to switch off from our restlessness (which is really our soul saying “hey, let’s do something”) or we can make watching a movie a real treat now and then.  We can include our children while cooking even though the cleaning up afterwards will take much longer.

Let’s make the most of each year we have because it’s not just a year, it’s an opportunity, a chance.

Let’s start with today…. We don’t have to wait until the 1st of January.

With love
Eve

Babe, you got this xx

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When you are trying to do something challenging in your life for example sticking to an exercise routine or a new way of eating (or any other habit) and you keep slipping back into old habits then this one is for you.

One of the crucial elements of sticking to any sort of new habit is support.  You’ve probably tried this before and yet you find yourself sleeping in instead of going for a walk or hitting the gym.

I remember when I was on an intensive art course for a few years (a while back) and we had to hand in hundreds of sketches, numerous completed drawings and a fair amount of large drawings with board frames.  I was working full day and studying part time and it was quite difficult to come home after work, cook, clean and complete my art work and still find time to relax.  What helped me get through at the time was having support partners.  My husband and my close friend.  My husband would help me keep accountable by sometimes watching tv or reading where I was drawing or he would remind me about my goal to finish what I had started.  My friend supported me by loving my art and encouraging me even if I didn’t love it.  We would sometimes lug my art equipment to her house and I would draw while we all spent time together.  Good times.

Does it make sense to you that sometimes we just need someone who will be on our side, someone who will remind us about why we started, someone we can phone or text when we “just don’t feel like it” and want to give up?

When choosing a support partner, let it be someone who would be kind yet firm.  Discuss what  you want from them beforehand.  If you want them to push you, explain how you would like it to be done.  For me a Seargent Major type would push me into rebellion rather than motivate me.  Set boundaries from the beginning.  For both of you – maybe your support partner doesn’t want to be woken at 3 a.m. because you are dying for ice cream in the fridge and don’t want to ruin your hard work.

Don’t think you have to do it all yourself.  We are social creatures.  Sometimes the person who is always there for someone else needs someone to be there for them.  Are you feeling guilty for receiving support?  Your support partner may need your help one day too.  You are worthy of support.

Choose someone who gets you.  There’s no point choosing support that doesn’t agree with what you are doing and will constantly criticise you along the way.

Hang in there.  Goals take perseverance to achieve – ask anyone who reached theirs.

I wish you the best with your goal.  Let us know how this advice helped you reach it.

Eve
 


If you live in Johannesburg, don’t forget to register for the Power of Purpose which starts on the 16th of August