Your inner strength is rubbing off

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I see youCompassionate people ask for what they need.  They say no when they need to and when the say yes, they mean it.  They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment  – Brene Brown

 I volunteered to be on the team for the More to Life Weekend.  I can’t emphasise enough how life changing that weekend workshop can be.  It was amazing to be a part of it.  Not only did the participants grow exponentially and have huge transformation in their lives – walking in at the beginning of the weekend heads down, shoulders slouched, faces stretched taut – walking out at the end eyes shining, bodies standing tall, faces emanating joy….. but those on team also grew in leaps and bounds.  It was a privilege to behold.

Each person on team works on something in their own lives where they are wanting to grow and I chose boundaries because that is an area of challenge in my life.

The more to life community is unique in that it encourages each person to stick to their growth edge (mine being boundaries) so if I choose to say no to something, I am encouraged by them.  

Brene Brown describes boundaries as “what’s ok and what’s not ok”.  Since the weekend there have been many moments where I have been challenged by life to stick to my boundaries.  Since being back at home I am a much more peaceful, loving and accepting individual where little issues were just that …. little.  Instead of getting upset I used my new found growth to discuss them in a loving, firm, connecting way to inspire the kind of behaviour I want towards me and others. 

This last Friday night instead of quietly complimenting my family in whispers, I said out loud (just this once) what I loved about each person.  Then they in turn responded with what they have noticed or love about me.  One of my children looked at me and said “Mom what I have noticed about you this week is that you have an inner strength and it is rubbing off on all of us”.  Tears to my eyes.

When we let people get away with behaviours that are not okay we can become resentful and hateful.  I am choosing not to allow that to happen anymore.  I want to be peaceful, loving and connecting and I am important enough not to accept certain things that are not okay for me.  Boundaries are not walls or rifts they are respect.  

There may be brief sweating when setting boundaries because doing so could bring on other people’s disappointments and could make them angry.  Once they understand that this is not a once-off, things will change.  I used to think that setting boundaries was too strict and I should be doing things for everybody (or else maybe they won’t like me or our relationship will end).  What I have realised though is that setting boundaries is kind.  Not just to me but to them.  Lying about your true feelings and then holding resentment is not loving and caring and doesn’t keep relationships healthy.

I am deeply grateful for having experienced the More to Life weekend once again and I encourage you to look out for it next time (November).

Sending you much love, my precious reader.

Eve

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Why are you unhappy?

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smileWe were designed in such an interesting way.  In our formative years (age 0 – 7) “they” say our personalities are formed.  All our experiences – hard or happy – mold us into the adults we become.  No matter how easy or difficult our childhoods were we all have hang ups.


So now, as adults, we have subconscious thoughts and chatter that goes on in our minds that we are unaware of.  These thoughts come from decisions we made as children based on our experiences at the time.

We don’t usually know what our underlying thoughts are or even that we are thinking them but they are there nonetheless and they cause us much unhappiness, grief and sometimes physical or mental illness.

I have been trained (by More to Life) to unpack these thoughts which are usually judgements, expectations and false beliefs and to challenge their truth.

When unpacking your subconscious thoughts you will be amazed at how hard you are on yourself (or others).  This is what makes you unhappy or even ill.

You are more than your thoughts and you are more than the negative things you believe about yourself.  You are enough as you already are.

I am available to help you find your happiness and your good health so be in contact.

I also want to encourage you to consider the More to Life weekend (click for the link) if you live in South Africa, which will be held from Saturday night to Monday night 15 – 17 June 2019.  It transformed my life and I still use the tools today that I learned on the weekend I attended 9 years ago.  I would be happy to assist you with any information that you need.

With love
Eve

Society: Be Yourself. Society: No not like that

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accidental iconLyn Slater (pictured here) is a 64 year old Professor who became an accidental fashion icon.  She was at Fashion Week with her friend and suddenly the photographers and journalists were standing around her, taking her photo and speaking to her because they thought she was a fashion icon.  She since started a blog called Accidental Icon and you can find her anywhere on the internet.  She does not dress according to her age, wears what she likes the most, (she doesn’t usually show much skin) and to me looks (and is) amazing!

Society is much more accepting these days about differences, sometimes to a fault, but in so many ways it is refreshing and easier than it used to be.  Who we hang around with also dictates to some degree how we think we should be and we tend to shrink back and try and fit in.  Of course we do need to fit in to some degree because it is natural for people to accept those who are like them.

How we behave, dress, live is dictated by our values.  At the same time if you are the type of person who shrinks back because you don’t want to make waves or are scared to be unliked and so hide true parts of yourself and don’t feel very fulfilled, stepping out and being yourself more may be a growth spurt opportunity.

There are so many ways where we may feel “less than” and are constantly trying to fit in… it could be by spending money we don’t have – to look better, drive better cars, have perfect homes – or it could be in the way we behave – laughing at people’s jokes when we don’t think they are funny or gossiping along with them because we want to be accepted into their circle.

We don’t show up for ourselves because we believe we are inferior or not good enough or unworthy.

When you want to do something that brings out some of your essence there’s a certain amount of excitement and satisfaction that fills you.

Are there some ways that you hold yourself back from expressing yourself?  What are they?

Do you find that you try and fit in by compromising yourself?

Learn to love yourself as you are and express yourself in a way that brings out who you are to the world.

With love
Eve

What People See

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Displaying “People defined me by my weaknesses rather than my strengths because my weaknesses were all they heard about when I spoke.” (found on Pinterest).

What we say and think about ourselves makes a difference to how people perceive us. If we believe we are unworthy we behave in a certain manner and talk about ourselves in a negative way to others.

Every person has their hangups but the truth is that we each have so many good qualities and we should start to remind ourselves about them.

We need to focus on our good qualities, our good health, our good character, our strengths and talents and people around us will know us for that because that is what we will communicate to others just by being who we are.

With love
Eve

A Bad Day

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You know those days where one or two things go wrong and it brings you down and it feels like your whole day was awful?

Well we often center in on the thing that happened and wallow in our misery.  We even milk it by telling everyone who will listen to us about what a bad day it was.

bad dayIn reality most times it’s is just the incident itself that was bad and not the whole day but we tend to let that one incident bring us down for the rest of the day.We sometimes use the “bad day” as an excuse to treat people badly as if others should suffer too for our misfortune.

We lose hours of happiness by focusing on the bad day which was probably only 5 minutes or half an hour.

So let’s not minus too much time from the 1140 minutes that we have gifted to us everyday.  It goes so quickly.

With love
Eve

Fulfillment Coach and CEO of Good Moodles

Reflections

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reflections alhambra eveStanding here, reflecting about my year, worrying, was I good enough? Did I do enough? Was I kind? Was I gentle?  Did I reach my expectations of myself?  Did I fail?  Thinking about the times I messed up.

Where to from here?

It’s important to also look at where I did go right.  Where I was kind, where I was gentle, where I helped out, where I reached a goal, where I looked after myself or others, where I gave, where I brought a smile to someone’s face, where I went out of my way.

It helps with self forgiveness and being real about who I am as a human.

Now to grow.

With love
Eve

Pretty Smart

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“The Difference between pretty and beautiful is that pretty is temporal whereas beautiful is eternal” – from the book Sefirot by Rabbi Y Haber.

pretty with lights

The world is so obsessed with physical beauty that it becomes a lifelong struggle for many people to meet those expectations.  Magazines, movies, the Internet and books espouse a certain standard of physical beauty and if you don’t meet that standard there is something sub-standard about you.  This is so wrong.

Aging is also an adjustment because our looks deteriorate out of our control which can be especially hard for people who have natural physical beauty unless they learn to love themselves with the stuff that comes with aging.

We all have our different genes and everybody was created uniquely.  To be happy within ourselves we need to appreciate and approve of ourselves (and others).

We are all beautiful and the more we do to make the world a better place the more our beauty shines out.  If you spend time with someone even for a short period of time you can notice their beauty so brightly that you can be filled with love or joy just looking into their eyes.

Let’s worry less about being pretty and more about being ourselves, bringing out our essence into the world and touching others with that.

Here’s hoping you will experience the beauty in yourself and others this week.

With love

Eve