“People defined me by my weaknesses rather than my strengths because my weaknesses were all they heard about when I spoke.” (found on Pinterest).
What we say and think about ourselves makes a difference to how people perceive us. If we believe we are unworthy we behave in a certain manner and talk about ourselves in a negative way to others.
Every person has their hangups but the truth is that we each have so many good qualities and we should start to remind ourselves about them.
We need to focus on our good qualities, our good health, our good character, our strengths and talents and people around us will know us for that because that is what we will communicate to others just by being who we are.
You know those days where one or two things go wrong and it brings you down and it feels like your whole day was awful?
Well we often center in on the thing that happened and wallow in our misery. We even milk it by telling everyone who will listen to us about what a bad day it was.
In reality most times it’s is just the incident itself that was bad and not the whole day but we tend to let that one incident bring us down for the rest of the day.We sometimes use the “bad day” as an excuse to treat people badly as if others should suffer too for our misfortune.
We lose hours of happiness by focusing on the bad day which was probably only 5 minutes or half an hour.
So let’s not minus too much time from the 1140 minutes that we have gifted to us everyday. It goes so quickly.
Fulfillment Coach and CEO of Good Moodles
Standing here, reflecting about my year, worrying, was I good enough? Did I do enough? Was I kind? Was I gentle? Did I reach my expectations of myself? Did I fail? Thinking about the times I messed up.
Where to from here?
It’s important to also look at where I did go right. Where I was kind, where I was gentle, where I helped out, where I reached a goal, where I looked after myself or others, where I gave, where I brought a smile to someone’s face, where I went out of my way.
It helps with self forgiveness and being real about who I am as a human.
Now to grow.
“The Difference between pretty and beautiful is that pretty is temporal whereas beautiful is eternal” – from the book Sefirot by Rabbi Y Haber.
The world is so obsessed with physical beauty that it becomes a lifelong struggle for many people to meet those expectations. Magazines, movies, the Internet and books espouse a certain standard of physical beauty and if you don’t meet that standard there is something sub-standard about you. This is so wrong.
Aging is also an adjustment because our looks deteriorate out of our control which can be especially hard for people who have natural physical beauty unless they learn to love themselves with the stuff that comes with aging.
We all have our different genes and everybody was created uniquely. To be happy within ourselves we need to appreciate and approve of ourselves (and others).
We are all beautiful and the more we do to make the world a better place the more our beauty shines out. If you spend time with someone even for a short period of time you can notice their beauty so brightly that you can be filled with love or joy just looking into their eyes.
Let’s worry less about being pretty and more about being ourselves, bringing out our essence into the world and touching others with that.
Here’s hoping you will experience the beauty in yourself and others this week.
Elie Wiesel wrote, “The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference.”
Apparently there are have been scientific studies which prove that the brain registers as physical pain when a person is being ignored. I have read a couple of articles on it but I don’t have the scientific sources. If it is true though, why do we feel so much pain at being ignored and what can we do about it?
Silence can feel like a dignified, high road response but the silence is really saying a lot. It’s also a way to inflict pain without fighting. It’s a type of passive aggressive behaviour.
When someone ignores you how do you feel? Angry? Hurt? Irritated? Sad?
When we are ignored we start to think all sorts of things about ourselves such as:
- They don’t like me
- I’m unloveable
- People always ignore me
- I am invisible
- Fill your own in here ………………
These type of thoughts and beliefs we have create the pain we feel.
What can we do?
Ask yourself questions. For example:
- Is it true that I am invisible? (No it’s not because if you turn to someone and ask them they will verify that you are visible to them).
- Is it true that they don’t like me? (Well unless you ask them you will never really know).
- Do I need to care that they don’t like me? (Well do you?)
- Can I be myself no matter what? (It may be hard but chances are you can give yourself the permission to be yourself).
- If someone ignores me am I unloveable? (No.)
Affirm yourself with words of love:
- I am a loveable, visible human being.
- My worth is not measured by these particular people.
- There are people who take notice of what I say.
The bottom line is that yes, being ignored is hurtful but it doesn’t mean you are not a beautiful, worthy human being. You just need to remind yourself of that and try not to let others affect your beliefs about yourself and the world. Keep in mind that we inflict this kind of pain on others too and it is good to be aware of our own behaviour and to rectify it in some way.
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Someone wrote to me the other day and mentioned that they are struggling to take the next step in their life because they are not confident and feel as though they are not clever enough.
What makes a person clever enough?
There are billions of people in the world. Some are more clever and some are less clever but if we feel inferior then we will always look at the ones who are more clever than us and compare ourselves to them (which of course makes us believe we are stupid). What does this do to help us move forward in life?
You are cleverer than you think, more beautiful than you believe, more capable than you can imagine. If you allow your old messages of not being good enough to dictate your life then you will struggle to move forward. It’s time to leave those limiting beliefs behind you and fulfill your potential.
If this is something you find hard to do on your own I can help you with this.
I wish you well.
If you believe something about yourself, it’s bound to eventually come true. For example, from a young age I would look at the other girls in the class and believe that I was so much bigger than them and therefore fat and therefore unattractive. Before we go on let’s get this out the way now…. I don’t believe that being fat equals unattractive. But I used to. And it applied to me. When I look back on the memory of when I made this decision about myself I can actually see in front of me the girl that I compared myself to. She was one of the thinnest girls in the class! When I look back on photos of that time – I was 11 years old – I had an average size figure and a sweet face.
But in my MIND I was fat. Because I had made up my mind that I was fat I started (without realising it) becoming what people call fat. I say that because I am not fat, I have fat on my body. That’s two different things. Do you get it? We believe that we are the label. The label could be rich, poor, unwell, frail, weak, sad, angry, anxious, helpless, failure, unemployed, old, (add yours …………………………). Once we decide that we are the label we become the label.
Other people also give us labels or they see our labels and just verbalise them. For example: John is an angry person. Why do we hold on to these labels? Why don’t we change them to what we want them to be? Well… we believe them for one. There are also payoff’s to keeping the label – if John is angry people are scared of him and he keeps on being angry because that’s how he gets to stay in control because when he was growing up he felt weak or helpless in his situation and so being angry helps him stay strong. Once we are comfortable with our label (and by the way we don’t realise we are until we work with it) it’s hard to let go of it. It also takes some strength looking at yourself and asking what you are getting out of it.
What is the solution? It’s not a quick fix really….. it takes looking at what is really happening for you and working through it. Healing the wounds from the past and changing the labels. Making new ones.
You can have any label you want actually. Why not choose it?