Guilt is often caused by something we think we did or didn’t do. We think we should have acted differently in the scenario.
An example would be that you said something to someone and they felt hurt by what you said. You feel guilty about it and stew in your guilt, often avoiding the person or feeling awkward in their presence. Maybe both of you will treat each other differently now. What can you do about it?
Feeling guilty is an emotion that may be calling you to do something. You may have gone against your own value system and you have an opportunity to rectify things. Can you make amends? Can you apologise? The way to deal with guilt is to give yourself some time to feel guilty about the particular situation …. say 15 minutes. Then forgive yourself and make amends or choose do things differently next time.
If we hold onto guilt we may start punishing ourselves without realising it. We can even become ashamed which means we start to point fingers at ourselves (as a person instead of just the action that was done). We berate ourselves and put ourselves down.
Did you do as much wrong as you think you did? Was there something more you could have done if the situation had been different? Maybe you are being very hard on yourself, harder than you think.
1) Forgive yourself
2) Realise you are human
3) If there is something you can do to make amends, do it.
4) If you think there is nothing you can do to make amends you may be mistaken because even if the person is no longer around, you can do a good deed in their name.
Do you find yourself not doing something that you would like to do?
If you ask yourself why you consistently aren’t doing it, you will probably find that you are scared of something.
Perhaps it’s failure. Maybe you are scared of people judging you. Maybe you think you are incapable. Maybe you think it’s just a dream and dreams never come true. Perhaps you think you don’t know enough.
Basically, the only way to do what you want to do is to do it.
So start. One tiny thing. All it takes is 5 seconds or 5 minutes.
All those things you are scared of are only your own mind’s way of tripping you up. If you have to analyse your thoughts you will see that none of the reasons for holding back are worth much.
What one tiny thing can you do to start what you have been putting off?
Lyn Slater (pictured here) is a 64 year old Professor who became an accidental fashion icon. She was at Fashion Week with her friend and suddenly the photographers and journalists were standing around her, taking her photo and speaking to her because they thought she was a fashion icon. She since started a blog called Accidental Icon and you can find her anywhere on the internet. She does not dress according to her age, wears what she likes the most, (she doesn’t usually show much skin) and to me looks (and is) amazing!
Society is much more accepting these days about differences, sometimes to a fault, but in so many ways it is refreshing and easier than it used to be. Who we hang around with also dictates to some degree how we think we should be and we tend to shrink back and try and fit in. Of course we do need to fit in to some degree because it is natural for people to accept those who are like them.
How we behave, dress, live is dictated by our values. At the same time if you are the type of person who shrinks back because you don’t want to make waves or are scared to be unliked and so hide true parts of yourself and don’t feel very fulfilled, stepping out and being yourself more may be a growth spurt opportunity.
There are so many ways where we may feel “less than” and are constantly trying to fit in… it could be by spending money we don’t have – to look better, drive better cars, have perfect homes – or it could be in the way we behave – laughing at people’s jokes when we don’t think they are funny or gossiping along with them because we want to be accepted into their circle.
We don’t show up for ourselves because we believe we are inferior or not good enough or unworthy.
When you want to do something that brings out some of your essence there’s a certain amount of excitement and satisfaction that fills you.
Are there some ways that you hold yourself back from expressing yourself? What are they?
Do you find that you try and fit in by compromising yourself?
“You often feel tired not because you’ve done too much but because you’ve done too little of what sparks a light in you”.
Clients have mentioned to me how they wanted to accomplish things last year and before they knew it the year was over and they were in the same place as where they had started. This was disappointing and frustrating for them.
So on Thursday next week (24th Jan 2019) I will be running a 1 and a quarter hour workshop entitled “Do you want 2019 to be different?” to help you make this year worthwhile.
I have found that when we don’t do what we love or what moves us, what sparks that light within us, then we feel tired, sad, restless, irritable and we turn to numbing those feelings of “lack” or emptiness by procrastinating, wasting precious time or feeding our unwanted habits.
The thing is that most people don’t even know what it is they want and without knowing what it is you want, how can you accomplish anything?
I remember when I was 30, I attended a workshop to find my purpose in life. The trainer warned us that it can be harder to know what our purpose is if we don’t ever follow up on it, if we leave it by the wayside and ignore the callings of our soul. Very dramatic I know. But he had a point. When I let time pass me by I don’t feel as good. When I spend time on nonsense, I find myself wishing I hadn’t. I look at my children getting bigger and I look at myself getting older and I know that I can’t get back the time that I have lost. Does that ever happen to you?
There are so many ways to live a fulfilling life, there are things you love to do but never do them. There are things you have to do but don’t.
(If you are interested in a six week intensive workshop called “The Power of Purpose” please let me know so I can set it in motion – there’s no time like NOW to get your life on track). – South Africa only.
The light in you is calling you. What is it saying?
Welcome to 2019! I hope you had a good rest during the festive season.
Most people make new years resolutions and here’s a couple of tips to make them actually work…..
BE VERY SPECIFIC
Don’t just say “I want to write more this year” – rather say “I want to write one blog a week”. That’s what I mean by being specific. Instead of “I am going to exercise more this year”, be specific and say “I am going to walk with a partner 3 times a week”. Name the partner if you know who it is.
WRITE THEM DOWN
Keeping the resolutions in your head will result in them staying there. You will soon forget about them. Write them down and keep them in a prominent place so that you can keep looking at them.
Don’t sell yourself short by thinking that you might not be able to do it. Rather believe that you can. If you achieve even 70% of your goal you have still succeeded.
At the same time be realistic. If you say, I am going to run the Comrades this year but you don’t even run bath water then rather choose something more realistic by starting off with something you CAN manage. Maybe next year you WILL be able to run the Comrades if you start training now.
It’s that time of year again where we start to wind down and have a break from the everyday running around, busyness and routine (at least in the Southern Hemisphere). Whether you are going on holiday or staying at home, here are some tips to have a wonderful rest.
If you spend a lot of your holiday on your phone or computer, even if you are watching movies or playing games, you will find that the holiday disappears before your very eyes and that you don’t feel rested at all. Switch off your technological items as often as possible and do things that require connection with others or me-time when you need. Spend time in nature even if it’s in your own garden or at the park.
Me Me Me Me Me
Families often rely on Moms or Dads for everything and this can be very demanding and tiring. Get family members involved if you have to do housework and make sure you get some time to have long showers, solitary cups of tea, walks in nature and fabulous naps. Swap time to look after the family so that each of you get the luxury of free moments which are so needed.
Linger on the Good
Holiday time can fly by so try to be present as much as possible. Enjoy all the good moments. Be grateful for what you have and for what is going right in your life. Make time for the people that you are with. Find the fun. Hug the trees. Lie on the grass.
Whether it’s your mind or your home, make a little time to declutter so that you can go into 2019 with some fresh space and perspective.
On a budget
If you are on a tight budget and are staying at home, find things to do together that are entertaining. Look online for creative ideas of what to do on a tight budget. You can make your holiday fun no matter what.
Life doesn’t always turn out the way we had hoped but it doesn’t mean we can’t still have a life worth living. There are ways to fix things that seem broken.
Let’s take relationships for example. All relationships require that we spend time making them happen. People who live together can be like ships in the night, you see each other in the passage, say good morning and goodnight, maybe even sit together watching tv but you don’t actually spend quality time together.
The first thing to save a situation like this is to NOTICE that it is happening. Once you are aware of the situation you can take steps to make things better.
END IN MIND
Next, decide about how you would like your relationship to be and then work towards that vision.
Take steps to make it happen. Some examples: Take time to hear about each other’s day. Help with the dishes or make a meal together once a week. Buy your partner a small gift (it doesn’t have to be expensive, it’s a gesture to show your partner that you thought about them). Give your partner sincere compliments.
Recognise all the good they do and acknowledge them for it. Everyone wants to be appreciated for the effort they put in.
Have fun together. Do things that you both like doing. Go on dates. Play a song and dance together. Bath the dogs together. Squirt water at each other (keep in mind you must both like water to some extent). Make each other laugh.
Neither of you are going to get it right a lot of the time. Forgive each other for being human and pick it up from where you left off. If there is something huge to forgive then perhaps see someone who can help you do that.
And we are back to the NOTICING again. Notice your partner. Notice when they are sad and let them talk to you or just be there for them. Notice when they are happy and enjoy it and be happy with them. Notice when they need help to hold the ladder. Notice when they can’t open the lid of the bottle.
Relationships are a gift (sometimes it doesn’t feel like it). They are a gift to help us grow, to have connection, to share your life with another person. It’s not something to just let happen. You need to be an active member.