The Perils of Giving your Opinion on Social Media

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opinion - pirates of the caribean running awaySomething I have noticed about social media is that if you give your opinion and people don’t like it, it’s scary how aggressive they become.

I often like to put across the other person’s point of view.  The one that nobody wants to hear.  The critics only choose one perspective and then get so angry if anyone challenges that.  But not only do they get angry, they get abusive, insulting and downright rude.  People “scream” about what an idiot you are for giving that particular opinion but they don’t realise they are acting the same way.

I saw this short video clip recently which sums up what happens when you give an opinion that people disagree with. It’s not too farfetched haha (click).

opinion - social mediaSo these days when I give my opinion on something I first ask myself a question or two…..

  • Will anyone really care? (I don’t even know these people!)
  • Will my opinion make a difference? (Unlikely.  People love their own opinions and usually stick with them.)
  • Am I going to get them to change their opinion? (Probably not although there is always hope.)
  • What is my objective here? Or Why do I want to do this?
  • Is it worth my time?
  • Is it worth the aggravation (after I get all the hateful replies).

By asking a few of these questions I usually stop myself from adding my two cents worth which saves me ages in time and fear (of people’s terrible comments).

However, if it is something that is important to me I do have my say but I have my own rules about that too:

  • Don’t insult someone or be derogatory.
  • Don’t swear or be rude.
  • Don’t be aggressive.
  • State the facts.
  • Back it up with proof if necessary.
  • Read it over a few times.  Remember tone of voice doesn’t come out in a message.

Have you got any other tips or comments (preferably helpful ones)?

Have a great week.

Eve

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Empty Cups

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self care - empty cupIt’s true that you can’t pour from an empty cup.  You need to fill your cup with things that build you up, make you happy, fill your soul.

If you don’t have any idea about what to do for yourself (because people who are always taking care of others’ needs forget to take care of themselves) then google some ideas e.g.

  • Fun things to do for me
  • Self care ideas
  • Artist date ideas
It’s so easy to forget yourself, to be selfless and busy but without taking care of yourself you can’t take care of anybody else because you’ll be burnt out or feeling resentful.

Self Care - snoopy bathingSo give yourself some love this week and let me know how it went.

With love
Eve

The Kite on my Roof

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busy 2The word “busy” has powerful connotations.  When we keep saying we are busy it means we have no space left for anything or anyone else.

We fill our lives with so many activities and there’s no time to just chill.

There are things we want to be doing but we are just too busy.  Usually those things are the most meaningful ones.  Like going to see a play, getting some fresh air at the botanical gardens, doing a good deed, taking the family on a really nice outing or having a long relaxing bath.

When we leave out the things which mean something to us It’s because we haven’t really thought too deeply about it and therefore don’t have proper direction.  When we have direction and intention and know why things are important to us we make place for them in our lives.  Filling our time up with rushing leaves a certain emptiness or frustration within us at the end of the day.*

It’s the same for our children.  I hear some of my children’s friends say that they don’t have time for social arrangements because they are too busy.  How can a child be so busy that they don’t have time to play?  If that’s what is happening to the children then certainly for us as adults it must be worse.  These children are also perpetuating a “busy” value system into their lives and when they are adults they will do the same thing and won’t have time for what is important to them.

The consequence is burnout, depression or physical ailments.

What really fulfills us is meaning, fun, laughter, love, giving, sharing, connection.  We won’t find those things in filling up our days to the brim.  Look at your schedule and see if you can take something out.  Leave time to lie on the grass and look at the birds flitting around in the trees.  The other day I had the amazing opportunity of seeing a bird of prey on my roof (I think it was a kite – click here to see what a kite is).  If I had been on my phone or rushing around doing lots and lots of stuff I would have missed it.

Yes of course there is a lot to do but try and take out something and put yourself and the things which mean something to you into your calendar.  If necessary physically write them into your diary and make them as important as any appointment would be.

There’s freedom to be found here……

With love
Eve

*I will be running the Power of Purpose on Sunday mornings in July and August.  Early bird special ends on 30 June.  Book now.

Creative Boredom :)

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boredom curiosityYesterday I had to go to SARS* to sort out some issue which has been going on for some months now.  I have spent about 9 hours there altogether and believe me they have not been the most exciting 9 hours I have spent.

This time I took a book with and some work but I couldn’t concentrate because they keep calling out numbers and I’m scared I’ll miss mine.

I decided instead of being bored I would do some people watching.  I also wrote down what I experienced as a story on watzapp to my children.  It was a funny story which included the people who work there and had me in stitches laughing at my childrens’ reactions.

Before I knew it I was finished.  The two hours I was there became something that was creative and fun instead of the normal time waster that it had been in the past.

Here is an excerpt from my watzapp story.

“Well I am finally here.  After many weeks of procrastinating.  Surprisingly when I arrived at 12:20ish there was no queue at all, I just walked in.  You can never tell with SARS.  After getting my ticket – number 384 – I sat down with time ahead to do whatever I wanted to do with these empty moments.  I unfortunately ate my snack in the first three minutes of being here so now I am officially snackless……

Getting uncomfortable in these airport seats I shift to the side, lifting my boot clad feet up on the row of empty chairs beside me.  The steel arm of the chair cuts into my back and I have to turn back to my original sitting position.

Just when I thought this place was unusually quiet, a loud drilling noise emanates from somewhere yonder.  Perhaps that is the room they use to force people to pay their taxes.

I regret not bringing more snacks…..

Finally I’m at the counter.  The machine won’t read my finger prints, something I had planned all along.  The lady picks fragments from my memory to be sure I am who I say I am.  She tells me I can’t use the papers I have brought to verify my address even through I received them from SARS at my home address.  This is a mystery to me…….”

Anyway, that’s all for now.

I hope you have some opportunities for fun this week.

With love
Eve

 

*SARS – South African Revenue Services

Terrorism and the Butterfly Effect

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There is a lot of reeling happening throughout the world as terror keeps hitting soft targets.

Feelings of anger, helplessness and fear fill our hearts as we read the news or our Social Media posts, some people even watch video footage of the attacks (something that I can’t do).

Questions come up in our minds….. Why?  When is this going to end?  How can people do this to each other?

We have fearful thoughts about it……. The world is a dangerous place, nowhere is safe, I am not safe.

What is there to do about it?

Actually not much.   You can’t really change everything that is happening in the world especially if it has already happened.

You can only affect your small world.

So make a point of affecting your small world.  Be good to the people around you, give more charity, give of your time, pray for peace, spread kindness.
Butterfly theory
Remember the butterfly effect…..  Change YOUR world and maybe you will change THE world.

With love
Eve

Drawing the Line

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boundaries - self careWhat I’ve realised about boundaries in the last few years is that people who get upset about others’ boundaries would never think twice about keeping their own.

Setting boundaries is a matter of self respect.  It’s about saying YES to you.

If you struggle with boundary setting you will most likely find yourself saying yes even when you want to say no.  You probably put everyone else first even when you are burnt out, exhausted and resentful.

Some people seem to have no qualms about overstepping or plain ignoring your boundaries – however if you have allowed these boundaries for a long time they may not even realise that they are doing so.

If you want certain boundaries you have to set them first.  Unfortunately nobody can read your mind.  Unless you tell people or demonstrate your wishes and make them clear, people will continue to do what they have always been doing.

Do you know where your boundaries are?  Maybe you haven’t really thought about it.  Ask yourself what you are and are not willing to accept.  Once you know what your boundaries are you can begin to put them in place.

boundaries - fence with rosesBe firm and consistent.  It won’t change overnight and may even cause friction at first especially if you have been allowing certain behaviours for a long time.  When the person realises that you mean business their behaviour will slowly start to change.  Remember if you’ve been allowing someone to treat you a certain way for 20 years, it will take time to undo.

Caring about yourself is a necessity, you’re the only person who can.  Excess stress can make you ill and caring about your well-being is imperative to being healthy.

Be kind to yourself and others.

With love
Eve

Okay?

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Okay to admit you are not okay.jpg

The first step to healing is acknowledging that there’s something wrong.  Before that happens there is basically no way you can heal.  If you keep insisting that you are “fine” when you are not then how does the healing process start?

It is okay to not be okay.  You don’t have to shout it from the rooftops, you can just admit it to yourself.  Once you do that then you can get assistance or guidance.

We think we have to be okay or look okay or seem okay all or most of the time.  What is that about?

Perhaps we are trying to protect ourselves from something.  We think people will think we are weak, useless, helpless, selfish, imperfect.  Those are some of the thoughts that we may be harbouring.  Most of those thoughts are untrue (coaching sessions help with clarification on this).

Nobody is okay all of the time – this means you are not alone.  Many people go through what you are going through.  Sometimes just talking it out is healing in itself.

Don’t hold on to your strong perfect bravado.  Cry a little.  Be vulnerable.  This is how we start to heal.

Wishing you well
Eve