Impressive or not?


Transformation - who would you impress

Interesting question……
The truth (to me) is that it’s not about impressing people, it’s about being the best you can be in this world.  It can be completely anonymous and very quiet.  No-one needs to know.  Just be yourself, use your gifts, and be a good person.  Forgive yourself when you make mistakes.  Don’t try too hard to be noticed or to impress people.  Impress yourself.
People will love the real you.

That’s all.

With love


Only 90 times!


purpose - 90 years and call it life When I saw this quote I had a moment of shock.  If we have the opportunity to live to 90 or above, let’s use 90 as an example… then we only have 90 times to do a year.  It may seem obvious to you but to me it was one of those aha moments that Oprah talks about.  Only 90 times to try it over.  Only 90 times to do whatever it is I’m trying to do. That’s so little!  If I only have 90 times I want to make those times count.  Keeping in mind we don’t all get 90 times.

This post is not meant to be morbid, it’s meant to wake us.

What do I want to be doing?

Some people have a bucket list, I prefer to call mine “exciting things to do in my life at some stage” list but those things might take years to achieve.  So I have a “meaningful priority list” which is for everyday use (it’s not necessarily written down).  I feel frustrated with myself if a day ends and I haven’t done at least one thing in my “meaningful priority” list.

What have I done today to be proud of?

I think the key for me is to look at what is important in my life and to make sure I do one or some of those. I learned some skills on the Power of Purpose in this regard (click for more info).

Yes, our days are often filled with seemingly meaningless or routine tasks like sitting in traffic, cleaning up, standing in queues.  That’s the way it is.  However, if we see them as meaningless they will be.  But if we can somehow figure how to put them into our “meaningful priorities” list we can change them and the way we feel about them.

purpose - elderly couple eating ice creamHow can we do this?

We can gripe and groan about standing in the queue or we can make conversation with a fellow queue member or use the time to text a friend who is in need of some love.  We can hate the traffic or we can use it as a time to listen to a really good podcast or some favourite music or greet the people along the way with a smile making their days – and by the way, making someone else’s day often makes yours.

We can sit watching movies or series to switch off from our restlessness (which is really our soul saying “hey, let’s do something”) or we can make watching a movie a real treat now and then.  We can include our children while cooking even though the cleaning up afterwards will take much longer.

Let’s make the most of each year we have because it’s not just a year, it’s an opportunity, a chance.

Let’s start with today…. We don’t have to wait until the 1st of January.

With love

7 mistakes people make at work and how to change that


Do you drive yourself to prove that you are a good person because you want to gain the approval of others?

So many of us do so don’t feel alone…..

Here are 7 mistakes people make at work:

  • Trying so hard
  • Working after hours
  • Taking work home
  • Saying yes to every request even if you know a fellow colleague who could do the assignment
  • Taking the blame for others’ mistakes
  • Being a “good girl” or “good boy”
  • Feeling hurt when you get moaned at and then berating yourself on top of that

Let’s look at how to rectify these situations:

Trying so hard to please
Yes of course you must work hard otherwise your boss may not value your contribution to the firm but do you have to try so hard to please his or her every whim?  Do you find yourself doing more than is necessary and then feeling resentful afterwards?  Do your best within the boundaries of your job.  Be the best that you can be which doesn’t mean bending over backwards if gymnastics is not your forte.  If you find yourself ironing your boss’s shirts when your job description doesn’t call for it, then maybe this area is a problem for you.

Working after hours
Every so often when pressure mounts it is in good form to work after hours.  But are you working late every day to prove how loyal and dedicated you are?  What you are really doing is building up piles of resentment when your boss starts taking advantage of your benevolence.  You probably ask yourself why you keep doing it and thinking it would “look bad” to stop now when you’ve been doing it for so long.  Work after hours when it is needed, the rest of the time go and do what you need to do in your own life.  If you are always the last to leave, ask yourself why?

Taking work home
Same as above.  You are not a superhero although you may wish to appear like one, so take work home when there’s hectic pressure at work but don’t make a habit of it.  Nobody ever said on their deathbed (although I don’t have proof for this) “I wish I had worked more”.  No!  They wish they had spent more time with the people they love.

Saying yes to every request
You know how you really want your boss to be happy with you so you keep saying yes and the piles of work keep adding up?  You find you can’t actually get to everything no matter how hard you try.  You fear he or she is going to think you are useless at your job.  If the work is too much for one person to handle, think of a colleague who would be able to do that task just as well as you can.  Stop worrying that he or she may do it better than you for fear that this will show you up.  If they do it better than you, that’s one more task you can tick off your list because they will be asked next time as well.  Your boss will thank you for it when you get your other work done and your colleague also gets their work done.  It’s a win-win situation really.

Taking the blame for others’ mistakes
Why?  Let people take responsibility for their own mistakes.  On the odd occasion if your department’s “life depends on it” then fine, but otherwise…. NO!

Being a “good girl” or “good boy”
The need to be “good” is derived from our childhood.  Getting into trouble when we were kids was probably normal for most of us.  But the fear of that still drives many of us to be “good” all the time – don’t step out of line.  However, it’s not good for your health if you never speak up.  If something is unreasonable at work and you don’t speak up about it, notice how your throat area feels?  (tight / like there’s a lump in it / blocked / coughing / thyroid).  If keeping quiet is your default behaviour it could affect your health in the long term.  If you need to speak up but aren’t sure how to go about it, get advice.

Beating yourself up
So, you made a mistake.  Hopefully it didn’t incur a loss of millions.  Seriously, I hope it didn’t.  If it didn’t and you accidentally did something wrong, then sitting there calling yourself names (stupid / idiot / useless / incapable / unworthy / not good enough) is not going to fix the problem.  All it is going to do is mess with your self confidence which makes making more mistakes a possibility.  Forgive yourself – after all, you didn’t do it on purpose!  Then find a way to sort out the problem, possibly own up to it or get some intra-office support to sort it out.  You are human and most likely a good one at that.

Working on these seven tips will hopefully improve your time at work and outside of work.

What other areas do you struggle with at work or out of work?  I would love to hear from you.

I wish you well.



Check out my upcoming course…. The Power of Purpose – Starts 16 August!

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Choking to conform


harry potter drawing.jpgMy husband didn’t want to wear a tie to work because he’s had a cough for a few weeks and fastening a tie around his throat was making him gag.  He had to be in court yesterday so a tie it had to be.  He tried everything in his power to avoid it.  Even wearing his scarf like a tie so that his neck would be warm without feeling choked.  In the end he took a tie with him in his briefcase in case the Magistrate insisted on it.

Being a lawyer, he has to conform to the dress code when appearing in court.  A tie and a long Harry Potter style cloak is what he has to wear or the court won’t “recognise” him as being present in Court.

So in rebellion, the tie he packed into his bag was his Garfield tie 🙂

tie 1

In real life though (not in court) there are times when we don’t want to conform but do anyway because we are too scared of the consequences which could be – being ostracised, ridiculed or rejected.

We see it with children, wanting a phone because everyone else has one, or wanting to wear brand names for fear of not fitting in.  But the truth is we don’t necessarily grow out of it – depending on how we feel about ourselves as human beings.

You are freer than you think you are.

My husband has to fit in (by wearing a tie and cloak) when he’s in court or he won’t be recognised as actually being present, it’s that simple.  But we (who don’t have to do such things) often put ourselves into situations where we limit ourselves based on what we think others think about us.  We don’t realise that we are freer than we think we are.  (Wow that’s a lot of thinking!) Learning to accept ourselves as we are and with what we’ve got (even if it comes from a supermarket and not from an exclusive boutique) is something to aim for.  It’s not only about what we are wearing, it’s about our educational qualifications, our home, our furniture, our car, our looks, our outward achievements.

Get out of jail free

get out of jail free.jpg

You are the only one who can free yourself from your own self-unacceptance.  Perhaps you need some help or guidance but only you can make the decision to move forward.

When you do, you will be much more at ease when you are around others.  You will feel more comfortable in social situations.  You will be able to stand up for yourself more often.  You will find it easier to set **boundaries.

Stop choking on the tie….

With love


**Brene Brown’s talk on You Tube about Boundaries, Empathy and Compassion (5:53 min), a worthwhile watch.

Gratitude of the day – I want to thank Makeitultrapsychology blog who helped increase my followers by allowing me to promote my blog. Thanks! (click here if you want to see their helpful blog).


The Stumbling Dance


dance 3When you fall, make it part of the dance

I’m guessing that’s what dancers learn when they have to perform.  I’m not a dancer (except for what I do in my kitchen) but I think it’s a helpful tip even for life.

Sometimes things go wrong and there’s nothing we can do about that.  Life is far from perfect (if perfect is even a thing).

My 11 year old will come home from school and tell me he has had the worst day.  I ask him what was wrong about it and he says “everything! It was just an awful day.”  When we analyse the day it turns out there was one incident that turned the whole day bad.  I’ve seen this with adults as well.  We tend to dwell on what was “bad” and our whole day feels bad.

If things aren’t going well with a particular project or a relationship, we can choose to give up or be depressed or we can make it part of the dance of life.

How do we do we make it part of the dance?dance

Re-look at things and try and reframe them.  It always helps to have a listening ear, someone who can be objective and honest yet empathetic at the same time.

Find solutions

You may have to start again or go with a different angle.  You may have to apologise or find creative ways to mend your relationships.  You may have to fix something that’s broken.  You may have to build yourself up again.

There is usually a solution to every problem.  I’m not suggesting it will be easy but the situation is rarely hopeless.  It becomes hopeless when we believe it is hopeless.

What we believe becomes our reality.

Stumbling, we all do.  The trick is to make it part of the dance so that it doesn’t stop you.

Wishing you strength.


p.s. My course “The Power of Self Value” will start on Tuesday evening 24 May. Booking ends this  Friday at 15:00

 Photo and Drawing borrowed from the web.

Back from the future


My aim here is to inspire others to look at their lives and see things in a different way.  Many people struggle to see the positives in a difficult situation.  This article is directed at people of any age. I’m  hoping that you can glean something from it for yourself.

If I could give my younger self advice, this is what I would write……

DSC_0529 (2)

A Journey

Dear Teenage Me

I’m writing to you from 31 years in the future.

I want you to know that what you are going through right now will make you stronger and will teach you sensitivity, empathy and compassion.  Sometimes you won’t understand why things are the way they are but you will gain faith in G-d and that will you help you through rough times and give you appreciation for all you have in your life.

One day you will come to a place of self-acceptance and acknowledge what you do in the world.  You will learn confidence because once you accept yourself as you are, other people won’t be able to affect you as much.  You will learn to say YES to new opportunities and trust your abilities and the gifts and talents that you have been given.

where I work

My writing space

Now and then you will falter but that is okay and you will learn to love that about yourself too…. that you are resilient and can get up and dust yourself off, quickly, without dwelling on hurts for too long.

You will realise that relationships are sometimes fickle and that someone you love, you can un-love and then re-love all in the same day.

Most important, you will realise that you are human.

Humans are fallible and make mistakes all the time.  Your job will be to still love yourself and others through those moments.

You will learn to understand your parents and why they do what they do.

I want you to know that you are beautiful NOW.  Really.

Open your eyes to the magnificence of the world.  Enjoy the people in your life because time flies.

Take risks*** and have fun.  Don’t hold back when it comes to being creative and expressing yourself.  It doesn’t matter what other people think but of course don’t hurt anybody intentionally.  If you don’t go for something it will never materialise.  Do what you love because when you spend time doing what you love you don’t mind the time it takes to do it and success will be easier to achieve.

Nurture yourself. You are important, you count.

Stop comparing yourself to others.  There are always people better off or worse off than you.  But you are never better or worse than anyone else.  They are all people, just like you.

You will grow as a person, you will change somewhat.  Your life path will veer in directions you never expected.  Listen to your intuition, it knows.  Don’t do what feels wrong.  Try your best to stick to your motto:  Don’t do unto others what you would not want done unto yourself.

card believe in yourself

One of my Mind Lites

You are valuable, capable, loveable, tenacious, creative, worthy.  You are enough.  I love you.

From your older and wiser self.

***When I say take risks I don’t mean smoking, taking drugs, sex or doing anything that puts your life, health or value system at risk.  I mean talk to someone that you are scared of talking to, apply for the job that you think you aren’t good enough to get, go on holiday even though it might be daunting to leave your home town, swim even if you think you look awful, do sports even if you are terrible at it, dance even if you look like a flying monkey, sing even if you don’t know the lyrics, draw and paint even if you can’t draw a straight line.  Stand up and say what needs to be said even if others don’t agree.  That’s what I mean.

What one piece of advice would you like to share with others?  Share it in the comments below.

p.s. My course “The Power of Self Value” will start on Tuesday evening 24 May. If you are interested please click here.

 Photos by Author



Beauty Confessions

card choose words with care

Drawing by Eve Marks

In the 80’s when I was growing up I had a skewed self image.

I remember when I first came to the realisation that the thoughts I had had about myself were false.  I was looking through some old photographs in my early 30’s and realised that as a teen and in my early to mid twenties I actually looked quite good.

The problem was that I measured myself up against the 80’s supermodels and some of my skinny friends and I saw myself as unattractive.  I was self-conscious and didn’t like my outer self.

I spent a lot of my life trying to match up to the standards that I thought I should be meeting which became a struggle.  I later found I have hypothyroidism so losing weight is not a simple thing anyway.

At some point in my life and I can’t remember the exact moment, because it’s been a gradual growing of consciousness, I started to accept myself and appreciate myself for who I am and as I am.

Looking through old photos made me realise something.  I’ve always been younger and “prettier” before, but I didn’t appreciate myself at those times.  During one of my wrinkle inspections recently, I reminded myself to appreciate my face and body as it is now.  One day when I’m in my 70’s I’m going to think I looked so young at 47.  Why wait till then for the realisation?  I want to enjoy my self now.


On a swing – Photo by  Shannen Marks

I’ve changed the way I think about things.  These days I want to be healthy and I want to be fit.  When I eat healthy food and do exercise I feel satisfied, content and strong.

Loving and appreciating myself has been a process but I am in a place in my life where I like myself most of the time and I think I look good as I am.  I don’t believe that I have to compare myself with others or be thin.  In fact I like having some substantiality to my figure.  I may not meet so-and-so’s idea of beauty, but that’s okay with me.

If you appreciate and approve of yourself, your beauty from within shines outwards and people see it.  I have noticed over the years that when I feel good about myself and when I’m happy, people notice something different about me.  They think I’ve lost weight but really I’ve lost something else, self-disapproval.

beautiful2And by the way this applies to all people who struggle with their self image in some way, whether it’s skin, hair, being too overweight or underweight, lips too big, nose too long, eyes too this, ears too that…… you know.

I’m writing this in the hope that someone who struggles with their self image will be inspired to start liking themselves as they are now because it really can change life.

With love





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