But on all the other days…

Gallery

perception - charlie brown and snoopy

People spend a lot of time worrying about things that they can’t control.  They also perceive things in a way that often makes their lives harder (as in the above cartoon).  Both Charlie Brown and Snoopy are telling the truth but which one of them lives a happier life?

I’m not saying that stress doesn’t exist (far from it) or that if we deny our difficulties our lives will be better….. no, what I’m suggesting is that we acknowledge our problems, feel the feelings, if necessary cry, journal, punch a pillow (or whatever safely works best) and then either find some sort of solution or look for the positive or blessings in the situation and focus on those.

There are always positives in a situation even though it may not seem like it at the time.  If you can’t find any, ask a friend, family member or coach that you trust to point them out to you.

What you think about is where you are.  Choose where you want to be and be there.  It requires you to change your thinking though which may take time.  Be gentle on yourself.

You’ve got this

Eve

————————————————————————–

p.s. I also send this blog out weekly by email which includes a quick health tip and some good news (as opposed to bad news).  If you would like to subscribe please email info@evemarks.co.za

————————————————————————–

Advertisements

#stressmustfall

Gallery

burnout-you-can-do-anything-but-not-everythingYou don’t have to do everything yourself.  There may be tons to done but you don’t have to be a martyr or a hero and do it all.  Ask for the support you need.

At work delegate a task to someone else.  At home ask your family to get involved.  It’s excellent to teach your children these skills anyway.  You may have to let go of the need to control the situation because it might not turn out exactly as you had anticipated but you could find a lot of satisfaction, camaraderie and connection by letting others get involved.

Why do you choose to take on most (if not all) of the work?  Could you be trying to please people?  Do you think you are the only one who can do a proper job?  Do you want to receive all the praise?  Do you get too many arguments when you ask for help and so it’s just easier to get it done yourself?  Is there more mess afterwards if others do it?

If you take on too much it becomes exhausting and stressful.  Let go of high expectations, give good instructions and check how they are managing from time to time.  The letting go will involve some trust.  They may not do it exactly your way but it might come out perfectly well.  In fact you could be pleasantly surprised.

helpful-kids-2If others don’t want to co-operate (for example your children) you may need to make it more fun.  Turn the task into a game or a race.

If you do everything by yourself, you become depleted, tired and moody.  It’s not pleasant for you or anyone around you.  Do yourself a favour and give some of it up to someone else.  Put your feet up a bit and relax (and don’t feel guilty about it) or just slow down somewhat.

Remember to say thank you (even if the job turns out less than perfect).

Warmest regards

Eve

The wound is the place where the light enters you – Rumi

Gallery

dark - stars with treesThere can be no light without darkness, no morning without night, no up without down, no full without empty, we can’t see the stars unless it’s dark …..

During adversity and our toughest moments we get to make a choice.  What am I going to do with this?  How am I going to make it work?  How am I going to make things better?  Am I going to let the darkness fully descend on me and let myself fall apart?

Rumi says the wound is the place where the light enters you but I think we need to allow the light in.  We can close the shutters and stay in the dark or we can open them and be momentarily blinded by the light until we adjust to the circumstances.

If we allow the light (the solutions, other people, G-d, hope, laughter) into our lives, we can begin to heal.

In my own life when I am going through a challenge if I let the light in, people I am with seem more important than ever and together we look for solutions and become closer in the process.

Thriving instead of just surviving can be accomplished even in tough situations.  I’ve seen it with people I know, seemingly insurmountable problems are overcome and even though it’s not easy for them, they learn to accept what is and learn to include it in their lives and find a way to manage.  I’m inspired by those people.

None of us are immune to life’s complications.  If you find it hard to figure it out yourself look for a counsellor, a coach or a trusted friend to help you step into hope.  Sometimes all we need is a hand or kind wise words to pull us into the direction of being able to save ourselves.

If we are open to it, seemingly “coincidental” things occur – people that we need suddenly arrive into our lives, a song is played on the radio with the words we need to hear, we come across a quote on Pinterest that exactly hits the spot.  These things are not coincidences, they are moments of Light to help us along the way.

It can get worse before it gets better, however being honest with ourselves and facing the wounds will help to manifest the light in and around us, expanding us and bringing us to a whole new conscious way of being.

May you be blessed with finding easy ways out of your challenges.

Eve


To find out what type of coaching I do please visit my Facebook page @evemarkshealing by clicking here.

Oh my gosh that sky!

Gallery

clouds 1

I love lists and I found an amazing site called “Things we like” where people write a list of 10 things they like and then post it on the site.  The 10 things have to be very detailed for example it can’t just be “I like my cat” it must be more like “I love the comforting feeling I get when my cat purrs when I hold her”.  Have a look at the site, it’s a treat.  https://listsofthingswelike.com/

This site of lists got me thinking (of course).  It’s really about being present with our gratitude.

If we are present at least a few times a day and really observe the things that are happening we can experience so much more joy.
Here’s my list of 10 things:

  1. The feeling of my cat lying under the blankets with me and resting her head on my arm.  It’s a bonus if she’s purring.
  2. A boiling hot shower in winter just before bed or a cool refreshing one in summer – basically a shower before bed.
  3. Lying on the grass under the trees in my garden, my dog at my side – no noise just the birds and the leaves rustling.
  4. Clouds, especially white whispy ones that look as though the sky was painted just for me.
  5. When my family are sitting together talking or playing a game and I’m suddenly present, looking at them and seeing each person with their unique qualities.
  6. The look on someone’s face when I have made a difference to their day.
  7. The sweet smell of jasmine flowers which signify that spring is coming soon.
  8. As I arrive in Braamfontein from Jan Smuts avenue and see the colourful buildings and the Nelson Mandela bridge in the distance – I just don’t get sick of it and I see it twice a week!Braamfontein
  9. When I get feedback on my blog it’s a real thrill to know that people are reading it and getting something out of it (no pressure).
  10. The way I feel so refreshed after an afternoon thunderstorm in summer

I’ve decided I’m going to start 30 days of gratitude challenge.  Each day I’ll post it on Facebook – have a look at my facebook page and I hope you’ll join in.  It will be fun to bring us home to what we have and to even notice that we have it.

Today’s gratitude challenge:
What smell are you grateful for today?

I’ll be happy to share some of your replies on next week’s blog if you like.  Remember to like my Facebook page (it’s called @evemarkshealing) in order to get the daily gratitude prompts.

With love

Eve

Only 90 times!

Gallery

purpose - 90 years and call it life When I saw this quote I had a moment of shock.  If we have the opportunity to live to 90 or above, let’s use 90 as an example… then we only have 90 times to do a year.  It may seem obvious to you but to me it was one of those aha moments that Oprah talks about.  Only 90 times to try it over.  Only 90 times to do whatever it is I’m trying to do. That’s so little!  If I only have 90 times I want to make those times count.  Keeping in mind we don’t all get 90 times.

This post is not meant to be morbid, it’s meant to wake us.

What do I want to be doing?

Some people have a bucket list, I prefer to call mine “exciting things to do in my life at some stage” list but those things might take years to achieve.  So I have a “meaningful priority list” which is for everyday use (it’s not necessarily written down).  I feel frustrated with myself if a day ends and I haven’t done at least one thing in my “meaningful priority” list.

What have I done today to be proud of?

I think the key for me is to look at what is important in my life and to make sure I do one or some of those. I learned some skills on the Power of Purpose in this regard (click for more info).

Yes, our days are often filled with seemingly meaningless or routine tasks like sitting in traffic, cleaning up, standing in queues.  That’s the way it is.  However, if we see them as meaningless they will be.  But if we can somehow figure how to put them into our “meaningful priorities” list we can change them and the way we feel about them.

purpose - elderly couple eating ice creamHow can we do this?

We can gripe and groan about standing in the queue or we can make conversation with a fellow queue member or use the time to text a friend who is in need of some love.  We can hate the traffic or we can use it as a time to listen to a really good podcast or some favourite music or greet the people along the way with a smile making their days – and by the way, making someone else’s day often makes yours.

We can sit watching movies or series to switch off from our restlessness (which is really our soul saying “hey, let’s do something”) or we can make watching a movie a real treat now and then.  We can include our children while cooking even though the cleaning up afterwards will take much longer.

Let’s make the most of each year we have because it’s not just a year, it’s an opportunity, a chance.

Let’s start with today…. We don’t have to wait until the 1st of January.

With love
Eve

Babe, you got this xx

Gallery

When you are trying to do something challenging in your life for example sticking to an exercise routine or a new way of eating (or any other habit) and you keep slipping back into old habits then this one is for you.

One of the crucial elements of sticking to any sort of new habit is support.  You’ve probably tried this before and yet you find yourself sleeping in instead of going for a walk or hitting the gym.

I remember when I was on an intensive art course for a few years (a while back) and we had to hand in hundreds of sketches, numerous completed drawings and a fair amount of large drawings with board frames.  I was working full day and studying part time and it was quite difficult to come home after work, cook, clean and complete my art work and still find time to relax.  What helped me get through at the time was having support partners.  My husband and my close friend.  My husband would help me keep accountable by sometimes watching tv or reading where I was drawing or he would remind me about my goal to finish what I had started.  My friend supported me by loving my art and encouraging me even if I didn’t love it.  We would sometimes lug my art equipment to her house and I would draw while we all spent time together.  Good times.

Does it make sense to you that sometimes we just need someone who will be on our side, someone who will remind us about why we started, someone we can phone or text when we “just don’t feel like it” and want to give up?

When choosing a support partner, let it be someone who would be kind yet firm.  Discuss what  you want from them beforehand.  If you want them to push you, explain how you would like it to be done.  For me a Seargent Major type would push me into rebellion rather than motivate me.  Set boundaries from the beginning.  For both of you – maybe your support partner doesn’t want to be woken at 3 a.m. because you are dying for ice cream in the fridge and don’t want to ruin your hard work.

Don’t think you have to do it all yourself.  We are social creatures.  Sometimes the person who is always there for someone else needs someone to be there for them.  Are you feeling guilty for receiving support?  Your support partner may need your help one day too.  You are worthy of support.

Choose someone who gets you.  There’s no point choosing support that doesn’t agree with what you are doing and will constantly criticise you along the way.

Hang in there.  Goals take perseverance to achieve – ask anyone who reached theirs.

I wish you the best with your goal.  Let us know how this advice helped you reach it.

Eve
 


If you live in Johannesburg, don’t forget to register for the Power of Purpose which starts on the 16th of August

7 mistakes people make at work and how to change that

Gallery

Do you drive yourself to prove that you are a good person because you want to gain the approval of others?

So many of us do so don’t feel alone…..

Here are 7 mistakes people make at work:

  • Trying so hard
  • Working after hours
  • Taking work home
  • Saying yes to every request even if you know a fellow colleague who could do the assignment
  • Taking the blame for others’ mistakes
  • Being a “good girl” or “good boy”
  • Feeling hurt when you get moaned at and then berating yourself on top of that

Let’s look at how to rectify these situations:

Trying so hard to please
Yes of course you must work hard otherwise your boss may not value your contribution to the firm but do you have to try so hard to please his or her every whim?  Do you find yourself doing more than is necessary and then feeling resentful afterwards?  Do your best within the boundaries of your job.  Be the best that you can be which doesn’t mean bending over backwards if gymnastics is not your forte.  If you find yourself ironing your boss’s shirts when your job description doesn’t call for it, then maybe this area is a problem for you.

Working after hours
Every so often when pressure mounts it is in good form to work after hours.  But are you working late every day to prove how loyal and dedicated you are?  What you are really doing is building up piles of resentment when your boss starts taking advantage of your benevolence.  You probably ask yourself why you keep doing it and thinking it would “look bad” to stop now when you’ve been doing it for so long.  Work after hours when it is needed, the rest of the time go and do what you need to do in your own life.  If you are always the last to leave, ask yourself why?

Taking work home
Same as above.  You are not a superhero although you may wish to appear like one, so take work home when there’s hectic pressure at work but don’t make a habit of it.  Nobody ever said on their deathbed (although I don’t have proof for this) “I wish I had worked more”.  No!  They wish they had spent more time with the people they love.

Saying yes to every request
You know how you really want your boss to be happy with you so you keep saying yes and the piles of work keep adding up?  You find you can’t actually get to everything no matter how hard you try.  You fear he or she is going to think you are useless at your job.  If the work is too much for one person to handle, think of a colleague who would be able to do that task just as well as you can.  Stop worrying that he or she may do it better than you for fear that this will show you up.  If they do it better than you, that’s one more task you can tick off your list because they will be asked next time as well.  Your boss will thank you for it when you get your other work done and your colleague also gets their work done.  It’s a win-win situation really.

Taking the blame for others’ mistakes
Why?  Let people take responsibility for their own mistakes.  On the odd occasion if your department’s “life depends on it” then fine, but otherwise…. NO!

Being a “good girl” or “good boy”
The need to be “good” is derived from our childhood.  Getting into trouble when we were kids was probably normal for most of us.  But the fear of that still drives many of us to be “good” all the time – don’t step out of line.  However, it’s not good for your health if you never speak up.  If something is unreasonable at work and you don’t speak up about it, notice how your throat area feels?  (tight / like there’s a lump in it / blocked / coughing / thyroid).  If keeping quiet is your default behaviour it could affect your health in the long term.  If you need to speak up but aren’t sure how to go about it, get advice.

Beating yourself up
So, you made a mistake.  Hopefully it didn’t incur a loss of millions.  Seriously, I hope it didn’t.  If it didn’t and you accidentally did something wrong, then sitting there calling yourself names (stupid / idiot / useless / incapable / unworthy / not good enough) is not going to fix the problem.  All it is going to do is mess with your self confidence which makes making more mistakes a possibility.  Forgive yourself – after all, you didn’t do it on purpose!  Then find a way to sort out the problem, possibly own up to it or get some intra-office support to sort it out.  You are human and most likely a good one at that.

Working on these seven tips will hopefully improve your time at work and outside of work.

What other areas do you struggle with at work or out of work?  I would love to hear from you.

I wish you well.

Eve

 


Check out my upcoming course…. The Power of Purpose – Starts 16 August!


Please like my new Facebook page – Good Moodles


If you haven’t liked Eve Marks – Healer & Life Coach on Facebook, now is a good time 🙂