Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to and when the say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment – Brene Brown
I volunteered to be on the team for the More to Life Weekend. I can’t emphasise enough how life changing that weekend workshop can be. It was amazing to be a part of it. Not only did the participants grow exponentially and have huge transformation in their lives – walking in at the beginning of the weekend heads down, shoulders slouched, faces stretched taut – walking out at the end eyes shining, bodies standing tall, faces emanating joy….. but those on team also grew in leaps and bounds. It was a privilege to behold.
Each person on team works on something in their own lives where they are wanting to grow and I chose boundaries because that is an area of challenge in my life.
The more to life community is unique in that it encourages each person to stick to their growth edge (mine being boundaries) so if I choose to say no to something, I am encouraged by them.
Brene Brown describes boundaries as “what’s ok and what’s not ok”. Since the weekend there have been many moments where I have been challenged by life to stick to my boundaries. Since being back at home I am a much more peaceful, loving and accepting individual where little issues were just that …. little. Instead of getting upset I used my new found growth to discuss them in a loving, firm, connecting way to inspire the kind of behaviour I want towards me and others.
This last Friday night instead of quietly complimenting my family in whispers, I said out loud (just this once) what I loved about each person. Then they in turn responded with what they have noticed or love about me. One of my children looked at me and said “Mom what I have noticed about you this week is that you have an inner strength and it is rubbing off on all of us”. Tears to my eyes.
When we let people get away with behaviours that are not okay we can become resentful and hateful. I am choosing not to allow that to happen anymore. I want to be peaceful, loving and connecting and I am important enough not to accept certain things that are not okay for me. Boundaries are not walls or rifts they are respect.
There may be brief sweating when setting boundaries because doing so could bring on other people’s disappointments and could make them angry. Once they understand that this is not a once-off, things will change. I used to think that setting boundaries was too strict and I should be doing things for everybody (or else maybe they won’t like me or our relationship will end). What I have realised though is that setting boundaries is kind. Not just to me but to them. Lying about your true feelings and then holding resentment is not loving and caring and doesn’t keep relationships healthy.
I am deeply grateful for having experienced the More to Life weekend once again and I encourage you to look out for it next time (November).
Sending you much love, my precious reader.