Impressive or not?

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Transformation - who would you impress

Interesting question……
o
The truth (to me) is that it’s not about impressing people, it’s about being the best you can be in this world.  It can be completely anonymous and very quiet.  No-one needs to know.  Just be yourself, use your gifts, and be a good person.  Forgive yourself when you make mistakes.  Don’t try too hard to be noticed or to impress people.  Impress yourself.
People will love the real you.

That’s all.

With love
Eve

Seeing yourself with Loving Eyes

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self-love-what-you-see“They” say – Love is in the eyes of the beholder.  To me this means it doesn’t matter what you are like because if somebody loves you they will not notice your flaws or at the very least they will ignore them because they love you so much it won’t matter.

What about you?  Can you look at yourself and see someone beautiful?  Someone kind, loving, loveable, capable, strong, courageous?

It’s easier to love someone else and ignore their flaws than your own.

However, don’t despair, loving yourself is a skill that can be developed and it’s to your advantage to work at it.

When you live each day like the one before and don’t grow yourself you will most likely notice that you are unhappy or uneasy.  Those uncomfortable feelings are a sign to you that it’s time to do some inner work.

How to start

Look at yourself and what you say and do with loving eyes – the way you would do if you were looking at someone else that you love.  If you are able to do this, you will start to be less hard on yourself, be more forgiving towards yourself, get up after you fall down, not worry about others’ opinions, be more free.

eyes-grapefruitsMay you have a week where you remember how amazing you really are.

Eve

Making Memories

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playing-hide-and-seek-fingers-on-lipsI read a post this morning by a woman whose son had been very ill for a long time and who had to receive an organ transplant.  This woman wrote about her experiences as the mother of her child and how stressful, scary and sickening (she writes that she became sick from worry – yes it’s a real thing) the whole experience was and how grateful she is now that her son who finally received the organ that he so desperately needed is able to start living his life again.

I thought about them while I was driving around fetching kids and how now that it is glorious December we have so many opportunities to make happy memories.  With the world being so small and everyone living in everyone’s pockets (with cellphone messages pinging every few minutes or seconds even) we know a lot more that goes on in peoples’ lives than we ever did before and it can be very disturbing to see how many people are suffering.  However, we can take stock and make a decision to live our lives the best way we can.  There is no guarantee for the future for anybody, we don’t know what the future holds so instead of worrying about it – which is easy to do – let’s make memories.  Let’s live every day to the fullest.  Focus on our loves.

Holiday time (whether you are going away on a vacation or staying home) is a time to regroup, reconnect and reinvest yourself in your life.  Don’t let it pass you by.  Don’t waste it.

playing-the-fortcandlelight-dinnerPut on the candles, switch off the electricity, switch off the wifi.  Connect, play games, talk.

Remember the times when you played General Knowledge?  Hangman?  I spy?  Hide and Seek?  Do it again now even if it’s just you and one other person.  “They” say the best things in life are free…. Well they are.  These things are free, you don’t need any money to sit together and be with each other.

Make those memories this holiday and rest.  Relax and have fun.  Soak up the sun (or the snow if you are up North – because that is also beautiful albeit cold).  Just BE together.

If you don’t have anyone to be with, find a place to volunteer.  There are many many people in old aged homes who are lonely and don’t have anyone to talk to this holiday.  Sit and have a cup of coffee with someone there and let them tell you about their life.  You will be enriched.  You can share your wisdom and let them share theirs.  There’s just no telling what can happen, you could even make a new friend.

I am signing my blog off until January when the schools go back so that I can also go and rest my bones and make some memories.

I wish you a wonderful end of year and a brilliant 2017.

You are special to me, beautiful reader.
Warmest regards

Eve

My Perfect Partner

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perfect-partner-statueAt some stage of your life you have probably looked at other peoples’ relationships and thought “Wow, they look so happy all the time / respectful of each other / in love / thoughtful / romantic”.

That’s the part of their relationship that they show to the world.  The rest is hidden.

Most peoples’ ideal partner is based on unrealistic expectations which come from stories, movies, songs and books.

So, is there a perfect partner?

Yes.  In front of you.

Look at the person you are with because that is most likely your perfect partner, the one that’s right for you to help you grow and become a better human**.

The way to realise the perfection of your partner is to firstly love and accept yourself as you are and then do the same for your partner.  Love and accept them as they are.  If you make this choice to work on your relationship you will notice how gratifying it is when things work out well.

Relationships never happen in a straight line.
Sometimes they are easy and sometimes they are hard.  Every relationship requires effort and self growth.

Think about what you want in this relationship and then make it happen.  If you want flowers but your partner is not that way inclined there is no point in getting upset about it because that won’t change things at all.  Ask for the flowers so that you get them.  If you want more talk time together, initiate it. Let your partner know how important they are to you and how when you spend time with them you feel loved.  If you want to be more appreciated, show appreciation for him/her.  Take a look at yourself and be honest.  How often do you really show appreciation for your partner?

The perfect partner is most likely the one you’ve got.  The perfect person however, does not exist.

I wish you a week of growth and love, accepting your partner for who he or she is, noticing the beauty in their eyes and realising how lucky you really are.

With love
Eve

**I’m not referring to abusive relationships

If you are not currently in a romantic relationship this can also apply to any type of relationship in your life.

The Blind Spot

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judging-before-you-assume-ask-squareDo you ever wish that you would have just kept quiet and asked questions rather than jump to conclusions?  Whenever I jump to conclusions it doesn’t end well.

I think the reason for this is that we judge a situation by our perception or experience of it from our point of view and how can we know what is really going on unless we are in the other person’s mind?

So many disputes take place because of this blind spot which is basically misunderstanding.  We can think we know why the other person does what they do but it’s not based on reality, it’s based on guessing.

gavel-3I have regretted talking too soon so many times in the past that it has almost become a silent rule to ask first.  I hate making the mistake of judging someone wrongly and then having to apologise afterwards.  Do you ever feel this way?

I can feel the feelings of anger welling up and my tongue about to spit out it’s defamation when suddenly I stop myself because I notice the signs.  The signs are my feelings of anger.  I just know I’m going to make a mistake if I don’t ask first.

Once it’s out.  It’s too late.

So that ‘s what I do (most of the time).  I ask first.  I’ve learned my lesson.  I hope.

With love
Eve

The nonsense about going to bed angry

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anger-i-still-careI’ve always heard the advice given to new married couples:  Don’t go to bed angry.

Is this sound advice or just a cliche?

I read this statement from a blog by Gretchen Rubin (10 ways to be happier) the other day…  Do let the sun go down on anger. I had always scrupulously aired every irritation as soon as possible, to make sure I vented all bad feelings before bedtime. Studies show, however, that the notion of anger catharsis is poppycock. Expressing anger related to minor, fleeting annoyances just amplifies bad feelings, while not expressing anger often allows it to dissipate.

It reminded me of something I heard a few months ago by Rabbi Doniel Katz which was one of those “aha” moments:  He said something like this:  People say don’t go to bed angry but that is the worst advice ever given.  Who wants to start discussing heavy issues when you are exhausted just before falling asleep?  It can actually make matters worse!

I had to laugh because I used to do just that and my poor husband had to force his eyes angeropen and look mildly interested in what I had to say just before midnight when I suddenly wanted to talk.

Something that works for me is to forgive people (in my mind) before I go to sleep.  If you want to know how I do this, please email me.

If still upset then choose the “right time” to speak to the person when you are not angry or hurt but just want to find a solution and move forward.  “Sleeping on it” sometimes gives new perspective in the morning.

There’s most likely a reason why the other person is acting a certain way so some introspection wouldn’t hurt either.

May you have growth and laughter in your relationships and don’t forget to laugh at yourself too.

Eve

The wound is the place where the light enters you – Rumi

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dark - stars with treesThere can be no light without darkness, no morning without night, no up without down, no full without empty, we can’t see the stars unless it’s dark …..

During adversity and our toughest moments we get to make a choice.  What am I going to do with this?  How am I going to make it work?  How am I going to make things better?  Am I going to let the darkness fully descend on me and let myself fall apart?

Rumi says the wound is the place where the light enters you but I think we need to allow the light in.  We can close the shutters and stay in the dark or we can open them and be momentarily blinded by the light until we adjust to the circumstances.

If we allow the light (the solutions, other people, G-d, hope, laughter) into our lives, we can begin to heal.

In my own life when I am going through a challenge if I let the light in, people I am with seem more important than ever and together we look for solutions and become closer in the process.

Thriving instead of just surviving can be accomplished even in tough situations.  I’ve seen it with people I know, seemingly insurmountable problems are overcome and even though it’s not easy for them, they learn to accept what is and learn to include it in their lives and find a way to manage.  I’m inspired by those people.

None of us are immune to life’s complications.  If you find it hard to figure it out yourself look for a counsellor, a coach or a trusted friend to help you step into hope.  Sometimes all we need is a hand or kind wise words to pull us into the direction of being able to save ourselves.

If we are open to it, seemingly “coincidental” things occur – people that we need suddenly arrive into our lives, a song is played on the radio with the words we need to hear, we come across a quote on Pinterest that exactly hits the spot.  These things are not coincidences, they are moments of Light to help us along the way.

It can get worse before it gets better, however being honest with ourselves and facing the wounds will help to manifest the light in and around us, expanding us and bringing us to a whole new conscious way of being.

May you be blessed with finding easy ways out of your challenges.

Eve


To find out what type of coaching I do please visit my Facebook page @evemarkshealing by clicking here.