But on all the other days…

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perception - charlie brown and snoopy

People spend a lot of time worrying about things that they can’t control.  They also perceive things in a way that often makes their lives harder (as in the above cartoon).  Both Charlie Brown and Snoopy are telling the truth but which one of them lives a happier life?

I’m not saying that stress doesn’t exist (far from it) or that if we deny our difficulties our lives will be better….. no, what I’m suggesting is that we acknowledge our problems, feel the feelings, if necessary cry, journal, punch a pillow (or whatever safely works best) and then either find some sort of solution or look for the positive or blessings in the situation and focus on those.

There are always positives in a situation even though it may not seem like it at the time.  If you can’t find any, ask a friend, family member or coach that you trust to point them out to you.

What you think about is where you are.  Choose where you want to be and be there.  It requires you to change your thinking though which may take time.  Be gentle on yourself.

You’ve got this

Eve

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p.s. I also send this blog out weekly by email which includes a quick health tip and some good news (as opposed to bad news).  If you would like to subscribe please email info@evemarks.co.za

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The wound is the place where the light enters you – Rumi

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dark - stars with treesThere can be no light without darkness, no morning without night, no up without down, no full without empty, we can’t see the stars unless it’s dark …..

During adversity and our toughest moments we get to make a choice.  What am I going to do with this?  How am I going to make it work?  How am I going to make things better?  Am I going to let the darkness fully descend on me and let myself fall apart?

Rumi says the wound is the place where the light enters you but I think we need to allow the light in.  We can close the shutters and stay in the dark or we can open them and be momentarily blinded by the light until we adjust to the circumstances.

If we allow the light (the solutions, other people, G-d, hope, laughter) into our lives, we can begin to heal.

In my own life when I am going through a challenge if I let the light in, people I am with seem more important than ever and together we look for solutions and become closer in the process.

Thriving instead of just surviving can be accomplished even in tough situations.  I’ve seen it with people I know, seemingly insurmountable problems are overcome and even though it’s not easy for them, they learn to accept what is and learn to include it in their lives and find a way to manage.  I’m inspired by those people.

None of us are immune to life’s complications.  If you find it hard to figure it out yourself look for a counsellor, a coach or a trusted friend to help you step into hope.  Sometimes all we need is a hand or kind wise words to pull us into the direction of being able to save ourselves.

If we are open to it, seemingly “coincidental” things occur – people that we need suddenly arrive into our lives, a song is played on the radio with the words we need to hear, we come across a quote on Pinterest that exactly hits the spot.  These things are not coincidences, they are moments of Light to help us along the way.

It can get worse before it gets better, however being honest with ourselves and facing the wounds will help to manifest the light in and around us, expanding us and bringing us to a whole new conscious way of being.

May you be blessed with finding easy ways out of your challenges.

Eve


To find out what type of coaching I do please visit my Facebook page @evemarkshealing by clicking here.

Oh my gosh that sky!

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clouds 1

I love lists and I found an amazing site called “Things we like” where people write a list of 10 things they like and then post it on the site.  The 10 things have to be very detailed for example it can’t just be “I like my cat” it must be more like “I love the comforting feeling I get when my cat purrs when I hold her”.  Have a look at the site, it’s a treat.  https://listsofthingswelike.com/

This site of lists got me thinking (of course).  It’s really about being present with our gratitude.

If we are present at least a few times a day and really observe the things that are happening we can experience so much more joy.
Here’s my list of 10 things:

  1. The feeling of my cat lying under the blankets with me and resting her head on my arm.  It’s a bonus if she’s purring.
  2. A boiling hot shower in winter just before bed or a cool refreshing one in summer – basically a shower before bed.
  3. Lying on the grass under the trees in my garden, my dog at my side – no noise just the birds and the leaves rustling.
  4. Clouds, especially white whispy ones that look as though the sky was painted just for me.
  5. When my family are sitting together talking or playing a game and I’m suddenly present, looking at them and seeing each person with their unique qualities.
  6. The look on someone’s face when I have made a difference to their day.
  7. The sweet smell of jasmine flowers which signify that spring is coming soon.
  8. As I arrive in Braamfontein from Jan Smuts avenue and see the colourful buildings and the Nelson Mandela bridge in the distance – I just don’t get sick of it and I see it twice a week!Braamfontein
  9. When I get feedback on my blog it’s a real thrill to know that people are reading it and getting something out of it (no pressure).
  10. The way I feel so refreshed after an afternoon thunderstorm in summer

I’ve decided I’m going to start 30 days of gratitude challenge.  Each day I’ll post it on Facebook – have a look at my facebook page and I hope you’ll join in.  It will be fun to bring us home to what we have and to even notice that we have it.

Today’s gratitude challenge:
What smell are you grateful for today?

I’ll be happy to share some of your replies on next week’s blog if you like.  Remember to like my Facebook page (it’s called @evemarkshealing) in order to get the daily gratitude prompts.

With love

Eve

Only 90 times!

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purpose - 90 years and call it life When I saw this quote I had a moment of shock.  If we have the opportunity to live to 90 or above, let’s use 90 as an example… then we only have 90 times to do a year.  It may seem obvious to you but to me it was one of those aha moments that Oprah talks about.  Only 90 times to try it over.  Only 90 times to do whatever it is I’m trying to do. That’s so little!  If I only have 90 times I want to make those times count.  Keeping in mind we don’t all get 90 times.

This post is not meant to be morbid, it’s meant to wake us.

What do I want to be doing?

Some people have a bucket list, I prefer to call mine “exciting things to do in my life at some stage” list but those things might take years to achieve.  So I have a “meaningful priority list” which is for everyday use (it’s not necessarily written down).  I feel frustrated with myself if a day ends and I haven’t done at least one thing in my “meaningful priority” list.

What have I done today to be proud of?

I think the key for me is to look at what is important in my life and to make sure I do one or some of those. I learned some skills on the Power of Purpose in this regard (click for more info).

Yes, our days are often filled with seemingly meaningless or routine tasks like sitting in traffic, cleaning up, standing in queues.  That’s the way it is.  However, if we see them as meaningless they will be.  But if we can somehow figure how to put them into our “meaningful priorities” list we can change them and the way we feel about them.

purpose - elderly couple eating ice creamHow can we do this?

We can gripe and groan about standing in the queue or we can make conversation with a fellow queue member or use the time to text a friend who is in need of some love.  We can hate the traffic or we can use it as a time to listen to a really good podcast or some favourite music or greet the people along the way with a smile making their days – and by the way, making someone else’s day often makes yours.

We can sit watching movies or series to switch off from our restlessness (which is really our soul saying “hey, let’s do something”) or we can make watching a movie a real treat now and then.  We can include our children while cooking even though the cleaning up afterwards will take much longer.

Let’s make the most of each year we have because it’s not just a year, it’s an opportunity, a chance.

Let’s start with today…. We don’t have to wait until the 1st of January.

With love
Eve

Babe, you got this xx

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When you are trying to do something challenging in your life for example sticking to an exercise routine or a new way of eating (or any other habit) and you keep slipping back into old habits then this one is for you.

One of the crucial elements of sticking to any sort of new habit is support.  You’ve probably tried this before and yet you find yourself sleeping in instead of going for a walk or hitting the gym.

I remember when I was on an intensive art course for a few years (a while back) and we had to hand in hundreds of sketches, numerous completed drawings and a fair amount of large drawings with board frames.  I was working full day and studying part time and it was quite difficult to come home after work, cook, clean and complete my art work and still find time to relax.  What helped me get through at the time was having support partners.  My husband and my close friend.  My husband would help me keep accountable by sometimes watching tv or reading where I was drawing or he would remind me about my goal to finish what I had started.  My friend supported me by loving my art and encouraging me even if I didn’t love it.  We would sometimes lug my art equipment to her house and I would draw while we all spent time together.  Good times.

Does it make sense to you that sometimes we just need someone who will be on our side, someone who will remind us about why we started, someone we can phone or text when we “just don’t feel like it” and want to give up?

When choosing a support partner, let it be someone who would be kind yet firm.  Discuss what  you want from them beforehand.  If you want them to push you, explain how you would like it to be done.  For me a Seargent Major type would push me into rebellion rather than motivate me.  Set boundaries from the beginning.  For both of you – maybe your support partner doesn’t want to be woken at 3 a.m. because you are dying for ice cream in the fridge and don’t want to ruin your hard work.

Don’t think you have to do it all yourself.  We are social creatures.  Sometimes the person who is always there for someone else needs someone to be there for them.  Are you feeling guilty for receiving support?  Your support partner may need your help one day too.  You are worthy of support.

Choose someone who gets you.  There’s no point choosing support that doesn’t agree with what you are doing and will constantly criticise you along the way.

Hang in there.  Goals take perseverance to achieve – ask anyone who reached theirs.

I wish you the best with your goal.  Let us know how this advice helped you reach it.

Eve
 


If you live in Johannesburg, don’t forget to register for the Power of Purpose which starts on the 16th of August

Nothing happened!

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writerQuestion 1:  If you didn’t have to worry about money what type of work would you do?

I know a great person with creative ideas who loves books and knows he has an amazing book inside him just waiting to come out but he hasn’t written one page!

I would like to win a million rand in the lottery but I hardly ever buy a ticket.

When we think and think and think about doing something but don’t act on it – NOTHING HAPPENS.

Question 2 … Is it something you could actually do?

What is stopping you?  Are you thinking that you could never do it?  Are you thinking that you are not good enough?  Not worthy?  Incapable of ever being a success?

Now that I’m in my late 40’s I’m finding more and more that I want to do things that I haven’t ever acted on.  I’m saving up for those singing lessons.  But let me tell you that when I do start to take those  lessons I have actually no care about if I will ever “succeed” in the eyes of others.  I’m not trying to be a famous singer, I just want to learn the skill and breathe well and have fun.  I want to sing for me.

I do hope that great man writes his first page of his novel, and then the next and then the next.  He doesn’t have to make millions out of it, that’s not the point.  The point is to say to himself “I did what I always dreamed I would do”.

Don’t think, think, think and think that you can’t do it or it couldn’t happen for you.  What’s life for if not to experience?

Live as if money isn’t an object when it comes to starting to realise your dreams.  If money is tight right now and you’ve always wanted to be an artist, buy a pencil and a drawing pad and start.  Or paint with one or two colours of ink using a cotton bud.  Don’t let your inhibitions and self judgement stop you.   If you want to be a tennis player but can only afford one lesson a month, find a teacher who will accommodate you and practise against your garden wall.

So what if you don’t become the next world champion….. just be a champion to yourself for starting.

With love

Eve


 

Click here for a step up towards your dream…….

 

Friction happens

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stormConflicts happen when we act or speak without thinking.  If we had to stop for a moment and consider what we are about to do or say or take a few deep breaths and cool down first there would probably be a lot more peace in our lives and in the world.

Some things you can do

  • Stop.
  • Breathe.
  • Take some time to cool off.
  • Think about what’s really going on for you.
  • Ask yourself: how important is it that I pursue this? Will I remember it in five years time?
  • Look at the part you are playing in the whole scenario because it takes two to tango.
  • What are you looking for in this relationship?
  • Ask yourself if you could handle this in a different way?
  • Then, act – with purpose and coming from a position of creating a peaceful environment.relationships - peace

 Often it’s simply about saying too much too soon.

So… Next time (because there will be a next time)

  • Make some space to listen and hear the other person out.
  • Ask yourself: What is the purpose that I want for this relationship? If you look at that, you will probably want it to be different, most likely better.
  • Think “peace”.
  • Then Act.

When you think before you act or speak you will most likely stand in your own power and be more satisfied with the results.

Try it next time, I know I’m going to.

With love

Eve

 


Just a reminder that the
early bird special for the
Power of Purpose
ends on Tuesday 19 July
(that’s next week) – click here


If you are interested I have included this
5 minute video clip from Oprah Winfrey,
“Whatever follows I am will come looking for you”.
Click here to watch.

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