Without realizing it people often buy things to boost their self esteem. A new outfit, a new car, a bigger home….
They may feel better about themselves for a short period of time but the feeling goes away and all they are left with is an expensive debt.
When people need an external item to build themselves up then it’s time to ask why they need it in the first place. Here are two questions they could ask:
- Why do I need this?
- What does it say about me if I have this?
The answers to the second question can be eye opening and can often come down to core beliefs we hold about ourselves. Often we let these core beliefs hold us back in life, if we are embarrassed about our furniture or our home we may resist inviting people over.
An example using the above questions would be: You feel embarrassed about your lounge suite as it is old and grubby and discoloured. So you avoid people coming to the lounge if you can. Ask yourself why you feel embarrassed. Then ask yourself what feeling embarrassed about your lounge says about you. Some answers could be: If my lounge suite looks like this, people will think badly of me, people will think I don’t take care of my things, people will think I don’t have money, people will look down on me. If people think these things about me then I am a failure, I don’t deserve to have visitors over, I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy.
This above scenario might sound extreme but when a person has feelings of inferiority around their stuff, its usually based on these self doubting thoughts they are having. If you have never done this type of work before you would be surprised about what your thoughts are.
Do you recognize any of those statements when it comes to your inner dialogue? Are any of those thoughts actually true? Do people really think those things? Well you don’t know unless you ask them because you can’t read someone else’s mind. Even if people did think those thoughts about you…. does it really matter? So what if they do. It doesn’t make you any less of a person.
Once you are aware of your why’s, you may relook at things and work on feeling good from the inside.