Dear Not Clever Enough…

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what if you flySomeone wrote to me the other day and mentioned that they are struggling to take the next step in their life because they are not confident and feel as though they are not clever enough.

What makes a person clever enough?

There are billions of people in the world.  Some are more clever and some are less clever but if we feel inferior then we will always look at the ones who are more clever than us and compare ourselves to them (which of course makes us believe we are stupid).  What does this do to help us move forward in life?

N.O.T.H.I.N.G.

You are cleverer than you think, more beautiful than you believe, more capable than you can imagine.  If you allow your old messages of not being good enough to dictate your life then you will struggle to move forward.  It’s time to leave those limiting beliefs behind you and fulfill your potential.

If this is something you find hard to do on your own I can help you with this.

I wish you well.

Eve

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Thin – Think

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via Daily Prompt: Thin

Image result for fat or thin

The world is obsessed with being thin.  When I do a search for the word healthy or health tips, most of the posts that come up are based on being thin, losing weight, getting super fit.  I have to sift through countless articles or images on losing weight until I find something I am actually looking for.

What if people stopped worrying about being thin and just thought about being happy and about being kind?

Think about it.

Being thin is fine but so is not being thin.  People who aren’t thin are not insufficient in who they are, they are not inferior, they are not unattractive.  If one takes a closer look at the person, perhaps makes eye contact, one sees a beautiful being.  People are judged by a shallow concept.

Body type preferences change over time.  What was popular in the 80’s is not popular today and what is desired is often unrealistic.  Everyone knows that 90% of pictures in magazines are photoshopped to give a perfect look.  People are self conscious for being born with a body that’s not in fashion.  If you think about it, it doesn’t make sense.

How about learning to love the body you’re in whether you’re fat or thin?

With love

Eve

You are not a jar of Nutella

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NutellaYOU CAN’T MAKE EVERYBODY HAPPY, THAT’S LIFE.

Everyone has different opinions, different upbringings, different philosophies, religions, tastes, ideas. It is not humanly possibly to appease everybody.

Just do your best in all that you undertake. Some people will be happy with you and others won’t.

Spending your life trying to make others happy is exhausting and unfulfilling. I am not suggesting that you don’t take others’ feelings into consideration, I am suggesting that you don’t beat yourself up if things end up awry.

Making decisions based on pleasing others, does not serve you. It eventually leads to resentment towards others and lack of trust in your own abilities. It could even affect your sense of identity.

We were all created as unique human beings.

Be yourself and shine in your own way.

With love

Eve

Angry People are Angry

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If you believe something about yourself, it’s bound to eventually come true.  For example, from a young age I would look at the other girls in the class and believe that I was so much bigger than them and therefore fat and therefore unattractive.  Before we go on let’s get this out the way now…. I don’t believe that being fat equals unattractive.  But I used to.  And it applied to me.  When I look back on the memory of when I made this decision about myself I can actually see in front of me the girl that I compared myself to.  She was one of the thinnest girls in the class!  When I look back on photos of that time – I was 11 years old – I had an average size figure and a sweet face.

But in my MIND I was fat.  Because I had made up my mind that I was fat I started (without realising it) becoming what people call fat.  I say that because I am not fat, I have fat on my body.  That’s two different things.  Do you get it? We believe that we are the label.  The label could be rich, poor, unwell, frail, weak, sad, angry, anxious, helpless, failure, unemployed, old, (add yours …………………………).  Once we decide that we are the label we become the label.

Other people also give us labels or they see our labels and just verbalise them.  For example:  John is an angry person.  Why do we hold on to these labels?  Why don’t we change them to what we want them to be?  Well… we believe them for one.  There are also payoff’s to keeping the label – if John is angry people are scared of him and he keeps on being angry because that’s how he gets to stay in control because when he was growing up he felt weak or helpless in his situation and so being angry helps him stay strong.  Once we are comfortable with our label (and by the way we don’t realise we are until we work with it) it’s hard to let go of it.  It also takes some strength looking at yourself and asking what you are getting out of it.

What is the solution?  It’s not a quick fix really….. it takes looking at what is really happening for you and working through it.  Healing the wounds from the past and changing the labels. Making new ones.

You can have any label you want actually.  Why not choose it?

With love
Eve

When Right is Wrong

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I had an argument with someone close to me the other day and I’m telling you by 11 pm when it was time to go to sleep, I felt remorse and regret.  Not that I didn’t think I was right at the time of the argument (of course I was haha) but I just realized the futility of what had taken place and how it takes me further away from someone instead of closer to them.

right and wrongWhat is the point of relationships?  Why do we have the people that we have in our lives?  Why can’t we just live on our own and not interact with people, that way we won’t have conflict and we will be at peace?

I don’t have all the answers, obviously, but my view is that each relationship does have a point and a purpose.   When you know what that purpose is it can change the dynamics of your relationship.  At the end of the day you will keep coming back to the purpose and that will keep you on track for the next time.

Being right is not always right.  It may feel like it at the time but it creates a space between you and the other person that needs to be healed and that takes time and effort.  Try and pick your battles and decide if being right is going to serve you or not.

Go for a win-win situation where both of you come out feeling heard and respected.

I wish you lots of beautiful connections
With love
Eve

Secrets behind the Mask

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mask

Do you pretend that all is well?  How many times does someone ask you how you are and you just say “Fine thanks”.  It becomes habitual and half the time the other person doesn’t listen to your response anyway and vice versa.  A wise person I know suggested that if you aren’t prepared to engage in conversation don’t ask how the other person is, if you do ask, then listen to their answer and respond.

Most of us pretend – to some degree – about how we are doing.  We would rather everything looks hunkie dorie to the outside world because then we are “okay”.  If people know that we are struggling then maybe it means we have failed in some way.  Well it doesn’t mean that but we think it does.

I don’t believe in spilling our guts to anyone who has ears.  Rather we should choose someone who will want to listen or who will be a non-judgemental support.  Not everybody is the right person to speak to.

Remember that everyone goes through things.  Nobody gets through life unscathed.  Yet so many people look fine…. right?  That’s because people put on a brave face.  If you think that couple a few houses down has a perfect marriage or a member in your community doesn’t have financial worries, you may be surprised to find that they are struggling too and are also putting on a mask, just like you.  Even if their financial worries are non existent, they might have other problems they are trying to deal with.

Everyone suffers in some way, people hide the truth from others as a form of protection.  Put yourself in their shoes, be kind, you never know what someone else is going through.  And for you…. Let yourself be vulnerable by talking to someone you trust so that you can also get the support you need.

With love

Eve

Building yourself Up

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self esteem - gold stuffWithout realizing it people often buy things to boost their self esteem.  A new outfit, a new car, a bigger home….

They may feel better about themselves for a short period of time but the feeling goes away and all they are left with is an expensive debt.

When people need an external item to build themselves up then it’s time to ask why they need it in the first place.  Here are two questions they could ask:

  • Why do I need this?
  • What does it say about me if I have this?

The answers to the second question can be eye opening and can often come down to core beliefs we hold about ourselves.  Often we let these core beliefs hold us back in life, if we are embarrassed about our furniture or our home we may resist inviting people over.

An example using the above questions would be:  You feel embarrassed about your lounge suite as it is old and grubby and discoloured.  So you avoid people coming to the lounge if you can.  Ask yourself why you feel embarrassed.  Then ask yourself what feeling embarrassed about your lounge says about you.   Some answers could be: If my lounge suite looks like this, people will think badly of me, people will think I don’t take care of my things, people will think I don’t have money, people will look down on me.  If people think these things about me then I am a failure, I don’t deserve to have visitors over, I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy.

This above scenario might sound extreme but when a person has feelings of inferiority around their stuff, its usually based on these self doubting thoughts they are having.  If you have never done this type of work before you would be surprised about what your thoughts are.

Do you recognize any of those statements when it comes to your inner dialogue?  Are any of those thoughts actually true?  Do people really think those things?  Well you don’t know unless you ask them because you can’t read someone else’s mind.  Even if people did think those thoughts about you…. does it really matter?  So what if they do.  It doesn’t make you any less of a person.

Once you are aware of your why’s, you may relook at things and work on feeling good from the inside.

I can help you work with that.

With love
Eve