Reopening the Door

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funny life door

Life doesn’t always turn out the way we had hoped but it doesn’t mean we can’t still have a life worth living. There are ways to fix things that seem broken.

Let’s take relationships for example. All relationships require that we spend time making them happen. People who live together can be like ships in the night, you see each other in the passage, say good morning and goodnight, maybe even sit together watching tv but you don’t actually spend quality time together.

NOTICING

The first thing to save a situation like this is to NOTICE that it is happening. Once you are aware of the situation you can take steps to make things better.

END IN MIND

Next, decide about how you would like your relationship to be and then work towards that vision.

ACTION

Take steps to make it happen. Some examples: Take time to hear about each other’s day. Help with the dishes or make a meal together once a week. Buy your partner a small gift (it doesn’t have to be expensive, it’s a gesture to show your partner that you thought about them). Give your partner sincere compliments.

RECOGNITION

Recognise all the good they do and acknowledge them for it. Everyone wants to be appreciated for the effort they put in.

PLAY

Have fun together. Do things that you both like doing. Go on dates. Play a song and dance together. Bath the dogs together. Squirt water at each other (keep in mind you must both like water to some extent). Make each other laugh.

FORGIVENESS

Neither of you are going to get it right a lot of the time. Forgive each other for being human and pick it up from where you left off. If there is something huge to forgive then perhaps see someone who can help you do that.

NOTICE

And we are back to the NOTICING again. Notice your partner. Notice when they are sad and let them talk to you or just be there for them. Notice when they are happy and enjoy it and be happy with them. Notice when they need help to hold the ladder. Notice when they can’t open the lid of the bottle.

Relationships are a gift (sometimes it doesn’t feel like it). They are a gift to help us grow, to have connection, to share your life with another person. It’s not something to just let happen. You need to be an active member.

With love

Eve

For online coaching please contact me with a simple click.

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Real Life

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real life vs instagram

Remember people only post what they want you to see on their instagram or facebook pages.

Somebody’s amazing marriage or perfect children, fabulous home, high powered job in real life is also filled with angst just like your life is.  What you see (on facebook and instagram) is not what you get.  Nobody’s life is picture perfect.  Nobody smiles all the time.

Be thankful for the life you have and love it for what it is.

With love
Eve

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p.s. So excited that my products are finally here!  For South Africans only at the moment.

Good Moodles

Mundane Elevated

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washing dishes singingOrdinary tasks can seem meaningless and suck the joy out of our day.  We run around, busy busy busy, driving, shopping, cleaning, cooking.  At night before going to sleep it may seem like we got nothing done but here’s the thing…..

When you shop, you bring food into the house.  Your family has something to eat and it keeps them alive.

Driving your children to and from school and extra murals keeps them safe and you might even get some time to chat.  Fetching a friend or relative who can’t drive is an act of kindness.

When you cook you feed those you love, nurturing them, keeping them alive and healthy and you may even get some opportunities to be creative.

Monday mornings might not always be the best but if you can get up knowing that you are providing for your family it makes going to work more of a breeze.

All this may seem obvious but we sometimes forget that what we are doing counts.

There are ways to make ordinary tasks more fun.  Play some music or listen to a podcast.  Find someone to join you  sometimes.  Turn your task into a game or a personal challenge.  Change your mindset from “I have to do this” to “I choose to do this because (why)………………………”.

Cooking, cleaning, driving and working, nurture and actually save lives.  It may sound exaggerated and dramatic but it’s true.  All these seemingly mundane tasks are far more important than we give them credit for.

When you go to sleep at night you can be proud of what you have done today.

With love
Eve

Heroes Among Us

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heroesI read an article today about how the Israeli army rescued 422 White Helmet rescue workers in Syria and transported them to Jordan where they will then be absorbed into the U.K., Germany and Canada.  The White Helmet rescue workers have been working in Syria to help rescue people trapped under rubble and caught in the fighting in that war torn country.  These are volunteers.

I watched a video about an orphan chimpanzee who had been abused when she was younger and was then rescued by a Chimpanzee rescue organisation. At the time of her death at age 49, while on her way to being buried, the other orphaned chimps in the rescue centre stood quietly by and put their arms around each other.  That is just a side note.  The fact is there are many places in the world that give their time and efforts to rescuing vulnerable animals.

I watched a video about a man who found an emaciated and diseased dog and started feeding it and looking after it and since then feeds and finds home for many abandoned dogs.  He has so far saved 1000 dogs.  This man does this on his own.

My daughter was feeling sick on her way to university and stopped on the side of the road, dropping her wallet out of her car today.  When she went back some time later to see if she could find her wallet there, a man who had found it was trying to track her down to return her wallet to her.

There’s a place in South Africa somewhere that rescues bats.  Bats!

A few months ago I had a small car accident and a random woman stopped to make sure I was okay and didn’t leave until I had been sorted out.

I watched a video where people are taking plastic which is choking our marine life and using it to build fishing boats, houses, bicycles, wheelchairs and more.

There are many many stories like these.  Every day somewhere in the world, maybe in your own neighbourhood there are hidden heroes who do good.  We tend to read or watch all the bad news emanated to us from around the globe which diminishes all the good that the everyday heroes are doing.  These heroes are almost invisible.  Let’s look for these stories and show up these heroes so that we can bring more hope into a world that sometimes seems dark.

Let’s also become these heroes.

With love
Eve

 

Building yourself Up

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self esteem - gold stuffWithout realizing it people often buy things to boost their self esteem.  A new outfit, a new car, a bigger home….

They may feel better about themselves for a short period of time but the feeling goes away and all they are left with is an expensive debt.

When people need an external item to build themselves up then it’s time to ask why they need it in the first place.  Here are two questions they could ask:

  • Why do I need this?
  • What does it say about me if I have this?

The answers to the second question can be eye opening and can often come down to core beliefs we hold about ourselves.  Often we let these core beliefs hold us back in life, if we are embarrassed about our furniture or our home we may resist inviting people over.

An example using the above questions would be:  You feel embarrassed about your lounge suite as it is old and grubby and discoloured.  So you avoid people coming to the lounge if you can.  Ask yourself why you feel embarrassed.  Then ask yourself what feeling embarrassed about your lounge says about you.   Some answers could be: If my lounge suite looks like this, people will think badly of me, people will think I don’t take care of my things, people will think I don’t have money, people will look down on me.  If people think these things about me then I am a failure, I don’t deserve to have visitors over, I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy.

This above scenario might sound extreme but when a person has feelings of inferiority around their stuff, its usually based on these self doubting thoughts they are having.  If you have never done this type of work before you would be surprised about what your thoughts are.

Do you recognize any of those statements when it comes to your inner dialogue?  Are any of those thoughts actually true?  Do people really think those things?  Well you don’t know unless you ask them because you can’t read someone else’s mind.  Even if people did think those thoughts about you…. does it really matter?  So what if they do.  It doesn’t make you any less of a person.

Once you are aware of your why’s, you may relook at things and work on feeling good from the inside.

I can help you work with that.

With love
Eve

What to do in December

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relax mountainsCan you believe it’s that time of year again when we have an opportunity to slow down.  This year seems to have come and gone and I hope that I can drag out the holidays for as long as possible.

Some tips for making the most of your holidays whether you are going away or not:

Do nothing
Make sure you spend some time each day doing absolutely nothing.  Nothing important.  Nothing technological.  Nothing that HAS to be done.

Do nature
Spend some time in nature.  There are beautiful parks just around the corner or a short drive away.  The other day my mom and I spent an hour in a park in our neighbourhood and I’m telling you it was relaxing and uplifting.  I noticed the details, colours and smells of trees I usually just drive by.

Do noticing
When you are out and about take special notice of how beautiful the world is that we live in.  Notice the trees, the flowers, the beaches, the mountains, the sky, the people, your family.  Be present in the moment.

Do spending
Spend quality time with your partner, children or pets, spend more time with people you love, make special dates like movie night picnic in your garden.  Spend time cooking together, going for walks, holding hands and hugging.  Spend less on material goods and shopping malls.

Do sharing
Share chores with those in your family, don’t do it all yourself.  Find a way to inspire the others to help you.  Get the family involved when deciding what fun things to do.  Share with people less privileged, take a sandwhich in the car on trips to give to the hungry man or woman begging at the traffic light.  Everyone needs a break.

Do decluttering
Getting rid of stuff while you have a bit of extra time on your hands is liberating.  It opens up the energy in your home which will be a great start to next year.

Do time out
Make sure you do things just for yourself.  This is your holiday too.  Put a “do not disturb” sign on your door while you read your book for an hour and drink a cup of hot milo or cold iced tea (the weather is so weird it could be either one).  Find someone to babysit now and then if you have small kids.

Do tolerance
Everyone being home at the same time for a month or more can sometimes get overwhelming.  Look at your home mates from a soul level and open your heart with compassion.  Let this be a month of peace, understanding and love.  That sounds cliched but I’m serious.

Do laughing
On a serious note, stop being so serious.  Have some fun and enjoy yourself.  Put music on while doing chores, dress up as a prince or princess and prance around the house letting everyone think you are a bit crazy.  Laughter spreads and makes us happy (watch this hilarious clip).  Be happy.  Do funny.

I will be taking a break from writing until the middle of January but will still consult a couple of times a week so don’t be a stranger.  Have a wonderful holiday.  I’ll miss you.

With love
Eve

Worthy of Receiving

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receiving sarkGiving is super important and gives purpose to one’s life.  However, some people perceive that to receive from others is wrong or they don’t like it.  Have you heard people saying “I would rather give than receive”?

There’s a balance to giving and receiving.  If you constantly give and never allow yourself to receive you are creating an unbalanced relationship with whoever is trying to give to you.  Everyone needs to give in order to feel that they are contributing to society, to friends, relatives and to their intimate relationships and you are giving someone an opportunity to be generous when you are able to accept from others.

Receiving can be scary but hear this….. accepting a gift, a compliment or help, doesn’t mean you are weak or useless, helpless or incapable.  It means you are in a relationship.  You can be strong and still accept from others. Receiving might also bring up feelings of obligation and owing.  i.e. I have to be grateful to this person and now I am indebted or owe them something.  Yes you probably should be grateful, so what?  Someone out there is grateful for what you have done for them too.

You know who else you need to receive from?  Yourself.

The other day I proved it to myself after hearing a talk on this.  After the talk, I gave myself three gifts, one was tasty, one was about cooling down in the boiling heat and the other was taking a few minutes just to enjoy these two things.  When my husband and kids got home later I had so much more energy and willingness to do things for them rather than feeling depleted and put upon with all their needs because I had already given to myself.  I had shown myself that I am worthy of receiving.  It’s weird but I actually wanted to give more because my needs had already been met.  The people around me were naturally happy too.

Did you know you are worthy of love just as you already are with no improvements?  That means that right now you are worthy of love just because you are.

Remember that.

receiving sark 2Next time somebody gives you a compliment, say thank you (instead of not believing them or making excuses or brushing them off).  If somebody offers you help, don’t think “I can do this all on my own”.  Even if you can do it all on your own, it’s okay to share your burdens and your chores.  If somebody gives you a gift, don’t think “oh no, now I have to give them a gift back” just accept it and appreciate that someone cared about you.

Thank you for reading my blog – that is a gift to me.

With love
Eve